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Love and the Incredibly Old Man: A Novel [Hardcover]

Lee Siegel (Author)
2.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)

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Book Description

April 11, 2008 0226757056 978-0226757056
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” begins one chapter of critically acclaimed Lee Siegel’s new novel, Love and the Incredibly Old Man. “In the beginning” starts another. What else can a novelist do when hired as a ghostwriter by an elderly, irascible, conquistador-costumed man claiming to be the 540-year-old Juan Ponce de León? The fantastic life of that legendary explorer—inventor of rum, cigars, Coca-Cola, and popcorn—is the frame for Siegel’s fourth chronicle of love, lies, luck, loss, and labia.  
            Summoned with cold hard cash and a pinch of flattery, a professor and novelist named Lee Siegel finds himself in Eagle Springs, Florida, attempting to give form to the life of the man who, contrary to popular and historical opinion, did indeed find the Fountain of Youth. Spending humid days listening to the romantic ramblings of the old man and sleepless nights doubting yet trying to craft these reminiscences into a narrative that will satisfy the literary aspirations of his subject, Siegel the ghostwriter spins an improbable tale filled with Native Americans, insatiable monarchs, philandering cantors, deliriously passionate nuns, delicate actresses, androgynous artists, and deceptions small and large. For de León, and for Siegel too, centuries of conquest and colonialism, fortune and identity, are all refracted through the memories of the conquistador’s lovers, each and every one of them adored “more than any other woman ever.”
            Comic, melancholic, lusty, and fully engaged with the act of invention, whether in love or on the page, Love and the Incredibly Old Man continues the real Lee Siegel’s exuberant exploration of that sentiment which Ponce de León confesses has “transported me to the most joyous heights, plunged me to the most dismal depths, and dropped me willy-nilly and dumbfounded at all places in between.”


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Mix a history of Spanish conquistadors in the New World with a porny pulp tale, and the result is this entertaining novel. The premise: Juan Ponce de Leon, the venerable 16th-century Spanish conquistador, is alive and living in Florida thanks to the Fountain of Youth (which he discovered). But with the fountain running dry, the explorer is anxious to chronicle his 540 years on Earth before shuffling off this mortal coil, and summons ghostwriter Lee Siegel to record the lurid details of his countless love affairs. The irascible explorer—between coining imaginative words such as cardarring (meaning, among other things, to have sex)—lays out a reasonably reliable (lurid embellishments notwithstanding) rendering of Ponce de Leon's travels. In addition to his other vices, Ponce de Leon (who claims to have invented cigars, rum and popcorn) leans heavily on cocaine-infused rum punch and morphine as he and Siegel race to beat the explorer's quickly approaching death. While this novel offers a decidedly goofy point of view, surprisingly, it works. Siegel slips in the history lessons so deftly that readers will barely realize they are being educated as well as titillated. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

"Whimsical, erotic and comic all at the same time."—Kirkus Reviews
(Kirkus Reviews )

"Mix a history of Spanish conquistadors in the New World with a porny pulp tale, and the result is this entertaining novel. . . . . While this novel offers a decidedly goofy point of view, surprisingly, it works."—Publishers Weekly
(Publishers Weekly )

"A creative attitude to the novel is in abundant evidence across all Siegel''s fiction; and this new novel is a worthy addition to a body of work which deserves a wider audience."—Stephen Burn, Times Literary Supplement
(Stephen Burn TLS )

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: University Of Chicago Press (April 11, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0226757056
  • ISBN-13: 978-0226757056
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.5 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 2.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,097,167 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Lee A. Siegel (born 1945, Los Angeles, California) is a novelist and professor of religion. He studied comparative literature at the University of California, Berkeley, and fine arts at Columbia University. After receiving a D.Phil. degree in Indian Studies from Oxford University, he was hired as a professor of Indian religions at the University of Hawaii where he continues to teach. Siegel has been a John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Foundation Fellow, a writer-in-residence at the Rockefeller Foundation's Bellagio Study Center, and a Visiting Fellow at All Souls College, Oxford University.

 

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3 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars A Dirty Book, August 13, 2008
This review is from: Love and the Incredibly Old Man: A Novel (Hardcover)
I was interested in "Love and the Incredibly Old Man," because I knew Lee Siegel to be skilled with words, and because the novel has a clever historical-fantasy premise -- that the Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon actually was successful in his quest for the Fountain of Youth. Surely, given that combination, it would at least be better than anything by Isabel Allende, and it should be apparent that a Fountain-of-Youth novel must involve similar plot devices as in a time-travel novel, so perhaps it would resemble the science fiction of Connie Willis. And like Connie Willis, Mr. Siegel has done his research, because many of the obscure references contained in the novel turn out to be true.

How then could such a clever premise and fine writing go horribly wrong? Primarily, there's Lee Siegel's agenda. He makes Ponce de Leon a Jew, and his purpose in doing so is twofold. First, he is eager to create the situation of the young Jew, as an actor dressed as Jesus of Nazareth, copulating in various positions (which I'll leave to your imagination) with Queen Isabella --"la Católica"-- of Spain (who is also lactating).

Now, depending on your disposition, such a depiction may be either (a.) the height of sophisticated humor, (b.) great payback for the Inquisition, or (c.) merely someone trying to be as lewd and as offensive as possible. It is also important for Ponce de Leon to be one of The Chosen, because the book takes the view that the Goyim are, without exception, greedy, cruel, evil hypocrites, and that The Chosen (as well as the Indians) always behave in an honorable, generous, kindly, loving and humane manner -- all of which caused me to slap my forehead in dismay. Oh, no! Not more of this deconstructionist [ordure]!

But . . . [sigh] . . . one must keep an open mind, and there is some truth in it all. Besides, it makes it easy to follow -- Jew=good, Indian=good, Goyim=bad. Very well, so what adventures does Mr. Siegel put his Semitic hero through in the 500 years he has lived since discovering the fountain of youth? That's a long time, and it leaves adequate of room for as many interesting situations as a gifted storyteller can devise.

Unfortunately, this is where the book falls on its ischial tuberosities, because Lee Siegel is utterly bereft of narrative imagination or any gift for storytelling. Perhaps because he's trying to imitate (or even out do) Philip Roth, the only thing Siegel can depict his hero as doing is engaging in sex -- so much so that he even invents several synonyms for venery.

I hope you'll believe me when I state that there is no greater foe of puritanism than I, and that I'm not offended at reading about sex acts. It's just that it takes an exceptionally talented writer to devise something that is genuinely erotic. Or, in his masterpiece (NPI), Blue Movie, the great Terry Southern managed to make sex funny. Alas, most of the time, depictions of sex acts don't quite come off as either, and if ever a book needed to be brought to the attention of Literary Review's Bad Sex in Fiction Award, "Love and the Incredibly Old Man" is that book.

Lee Siegel seems to be titillated by the erotic aspect of tobacco use. Not, however, Cyd Charisse blowing smoke out her nostrils or Sharon Stone french inhaling; no, it's a painted Indian woman inhaling the smoke of a crude cigar, then putting her mouth to the hero, and he inhales her smoke. Since tobacco is sacred to the Indians of Florida, she then collects the cigar ashes and rubs them over her body. (If you find that description arousing, please don't try to contact me or join my Friends list, o.k.?)

To be fair, there are a few funny lines in the book, but there is no story to speak of, and all the descriptions of a lady's parts become tedious -- like being confined for hours to listen to adolescent humor in a locker room. (Adolescents also think that they're especially hip and sophisticated.)

And to think that in one generation, publishers have gone from the marvelous historical adventures by Mary Renault (Fire from Heaven) to [ordure] like this.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
hazañas estupendas
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Ponce de León, Fountain of Life, Señora Menendez, Rabbi Solomon, Garden of Eden, Ariana Quigley, Puerto Rico, Samson ben Aryeh, Fountain of Youth, Rabbi Morteira, Adele Carter, Shulamit Morteira, Queen Ysabel, Blessed Virgin, Maria Fuentes, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, Eagle Springs, Tamara Xanagrande, Zhotee-eloq Indians, Maria Taino-Pinzon, New World, Mission of San Hortano, Florence Basolon, Johanan Yarhoni
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