llustrates how experiences and messages from our parents during childhood create internal defenses that, in turn, support negative views of ourself and others. Since these psychological barriers interfere with emotional closeness and sexual intimacy with a partner, the authors emphasize solving the underlying issues over improving technical performance or on "being more romantic". In accessible language and through the liberal use of case material from couples-therapy sessions, workshop leaders and psychologists Firestone and his coauthors show how to solve sexual difficulties and face the psychological issues that are at the root of many couples' problems.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
This is an important book which, if understood and incorporated, can improve our capacity for both sexual pleasure and love. It is sad how often so many of us assume a diminishing capacity for love and sexual pleasure is inevitable, and acquiesce to an insidious internal process that robs us of one of life's greatest pleasures. Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships resoundly demonstrates that we can maintain a healthy sexuality throughout our lifetimes, if we understand and confront the real internal obstacles to ongoing sexual fulfillment.
This book provides an important answer to the great mystery concerning sexuality in America: why is that despite a tidal wave of Dr. Phil-type experts and Mars and Venus books, Americans seem to be having less and less sex?
Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships reports, for example, that a 1994 survey of 7000 couples reported that 59% of men and 63% of women said they were not emotionally satisfied in their sexual relationships. Other surveys indicate that most couples, particularly as people get older, have sex just once or twice a month. Why do people have sex so infrequently, despite the growing mountain of books, video tapes and workshops promising new vistas of sexual adventure and ecstasy?
The answer, if one believes Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, is that most our real sexual problems derive fgrom deep inner psychological defenses that are untouched by the superficial focus on technique offered by most sex experts. It is fine to prescribe telling your partner what you like, wearing pink nighties or making love in a phone booth. But unless we dare tackle the deep inner causes of sexual dissatisfaction, such outer prescriptions rarely offering lasting results.
Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships describes in detail, using interesting case-histories, how people have internalized "voices" or negative thoughts about their capacity for love, bodies, partners and performance which, over time, diminish their capacity for sexual pleasure. We also struggle with deep unconscious fears of death which distance us from our partners, as allowing ourselves real sexual intimacy means opening ourselves up to the deep pain of losing them.
But the book also offers hope. The book offers numerous case-histories demonstrating that people can, by understanding and countering the inner causes of diminishing sexuality, expand their capacity for love, intimacy and sexual pleasure. Dozens of couples have used the ideas in this book to increase their capacity for sexual fulfillment and the actions they have taken, though requiring facing childhood hurts, can be taken by anyone. I strongly recommend reading this book and, more importantly of course, acting upon its prescriptions.
This book provides an important answer to the great mystery concerning sexuality in America: why is that despite a tidal wave of Dr. Phil-type experts and Mars and Venus books, Americans seem to be having less and less sex?
Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships reports, for example, that a 1994 survey of 7000 couples reported that 59% of men and 63% of women said they were not emotionally satisfied in their sexual relationships. Other surveys indicate that most couples, particularly as people get older, have sex just once or twice a month. Why do people have sex so infrequently, despite the growing mountain of books, video tapes and workshops promising new vistas of sexual adventure and ecstasy?
The answer, if one believes Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, is that most our real sexual problems derive fgrom deep inner psychological defenses that are untouched by the superficial focus on technique offered by most sex experts. It is fine to prescribe telling your partner what you like, wearing pink nighties or making love in a phone booth. But unless we dare tackle the deep inner causes of sexual dissatisfaction, such outer prescriptions rarely offering lasting results.
Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships describes in detail, using interesting case-histories, how people have internalized "voices" or negative thoughts about their capacity for love, bodies, partners and performance which, over time, diminish their capacity for sexual pleasure. We also struggle with deep unconscious fears of death which distance us from our partners, as allowing ourselves real sexual intimacy means opening ourselves up to the deep pain of losing them.
But the book also offers hope. The book offers numerous case-histories demonstrating that people can, by understanding and countering the inner causes of diminishing sexuality, expand their capacity for love, intimacy and sexual pleasure. Dozens of couples have used the ideas in this book to increase their capacity for sexual fulfillment and the actions they have taken, though requiring facing childhood hurts, can be taken by anyone. I strongly recommend reading this book and, more importantly of course, acting upon its prescriptions.
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
By Dan Staso
Format:Hardcover
Well researched and documented, this book goes in depth into how psychological defenses all too often limit one's full enjoyment of their own sexuality. It could be used as an academic text or as a self-help for the educated reader. Included in this work is a longitudinal sample of couples as they progress over time with their sexuality. It's informative, insightful, and offers many practical suggestions. What impressed me greatly was the sensitivity the authors brought to the subject. There is clarity in their presentation of healthy sexuality, love, and what causes the difficulties that couples routinely face. The chapters on jealousy and sexual withholding are easy to understand and relate to. The core theoretical concept embraced is the fantasy bond. The fantasy bond is the illusion of connection rather than a real connection. I recommend this book highly to readers who are seeking to improve their own sexual intimacy and fulfillment. It offers hope despite the inherent divide between the sexes.
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
By Angel
Format:Hardcover
Let me say up-front that Sex And Love In Intimate Relationships is an interesting book. As a former psychology student--it was one of my minors in college--I was quite encouraged with the approach taken. It is quite unique, in my opinion. Usually when the psych field takes on sex, they take on sexual dysfunction from a purely technical standpoint or they focus on the deviant. This book takes on sex from an intimate point of view. It focuses on our internal makeup and the deep inner psychological defenses we form throughout our lives. It also discusses sexual intimacy in relation to love and how rewarding they are together.
There are a lot of case studies documented as well. While the book is quite easy to read and understand, the case studies help give the principles expoused a more personal flavor. They help the reader better understand the concepts they are reading and how they can better utitlize them in their own life. The case studies also allow the reader to see their own triggers and circumstances in the lives of others. I really like that! Readers immediately see themselves and that they are not alone. They see that someone else, and in some cases many others, have went through similar experiences and have had similar reactions.
For anyone looking to expand their sexual pleasure and the ability to love and be loved, I highly recommend this book. Not only will it help you pinpoint the defenses you have built, it will help you overcome them. This book provides a valuable resource to individuals and couples alike. Also, couples would do well to read this book together. With the right tools and a "can do" attitude, any couple should be able to attack the internal demons that prevent them from obtaining true sexual intimacy. This book will definitely put them on the right track.
There are a lot of case studies documented as well. While the book is quite easy to read and understand, the case studies help give the principles expoused a more personal flavor. They help the reader better understand the concepts they are reading and how they can better utitlize them in their own life. The case studies also allow the reader to see their own triggers and circumstances in the lives of others. I really like that! Readers immediately see themselves and that they are not alone. They see that someone else, and in some cases many others, have went through similar experiences and have had similar reactions.
For anyone looking to expand their sexual pleasure and the ability to love and be loved, I highly recommend this book. Not only will it help you pinpoint the defenses you have built, it will help you overcome them. This book provides a valuable resource to individuals and couples alike. Also, couples would do well to read this book together. With the right tools and a "can do" attitude, any couple should be able to attack the internal demons that prevent them from obtaining true sexual intimacy. This book will definitely put them on the right track.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars
Better than I had anticipated
When I got this book (it was given to me for free), I was a bit concerned that it was going to be a boring text book style catalog of case studies similar to what I had to read... Read more
Published on October 13, 2009 by Chris Meirose
4.0 out of 5 stars
Helps you step out of the box so you can evaluate your situation...
Great information to understand the perception of both woman and man in different situations. Great self-help book!
Published on January 27, 2009 by Dr dre
5.0 out of 5 stars
Understanding The Self, Appreciating Others
Intimacy in a relationship should be a highly joyful, pleasurable and sharing time. But it oftentimes brings fear, frustration and negativity towards the experience and/or the... Read more
Published on May 25, 2008 by County Lineman
5.0 out of 5 stars
This book has the power to permanently improve both your sex life and...
Everyone who is currently in, or plans to be in a romantic relationship should read this book! It does eveything from recomending ways to improve your sexual intimacy to examining... Read more
Published on October 11, 2005 by Daniel R. Zamir
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