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75 of 77 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Learning to Speak, December 23, 2010
This review is from: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (Paperback)
The main idea behind this book is that just as people have unique personality preferences, we all have unique preferences for what we find satisfying and motivating when it comes to love. Your love language is the way that you most feel loved and cared for. The relationship expert behind the book arranges the book into the five love languages, and provides quizzes to help you determine which language you are:
- Words of Affirmation:
If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc. Basically, they find ways to remind you that their world is a better place because you are in it.
- Acts of Service:
If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.
- Affection:
This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, snuggling, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language. Touch is very important to you.
- Quality Time:
This love language is about being together with your partner, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.
- Gifts:
The final love language is centered on the idea that your partner taking the time to think of you and give you a gift, no matter how small, is what makes you feel loved and appreciated.
The problem is most people love how they want to be loved, and that doesn't tend to align with how their partner wants to be loved. So, you have to learn to speak your partner's love language. The author also believes that focusing intently on speaking the love languages will rekindle relationships where people don't even seem to like each other anymore.
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Everyone should speak it., December 1, 2010
This review is from: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (Paperback)
Dr. Gary Chapman should be nominated for something .....HUGE. This book is a life changer. No, a love changer. Ok, it's both. What hit me right away is it made perfect sense. Then, to top that, by putting the information to actual use, I was able to see real results just like he had written about in the book. After assessing my wife as having the "acts of service" love language, I decided to test out how she would react. I'm usually up and out the door to work before she gets up. I know she enjoys a cup of coffee in the morning and the sooner the better. So, one morning I set up the coffee pot and put a sticky note on it stating, "Just turn me on." She called me at the office and went on and on about how sweet that was and how I scored big points. The guys in the adjoining cubicles were baffled at my side of the conversation. When I told them about the call, and about the book, they thought it worth looking into a bit more.
I've given over a dozen copies to friends and family. I just gave one to my nephew who was recently married. I even sent one to a guy I met on a plane who told me he was engaged. Without exception, people come back and tell me how The 5 Love Languages have made such a positive difference in their relationships. This stuff should be taught in school.
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51 of 63 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Core Ideas Were Good, But Could Have Been Summed Up In 2 Pages, March 20, 2010
This review is from: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (Paperback)
After hearing rave personal reviews about this book, my fiancee and I decided to read this in efforts to better prepare ourselves for marriage. After reading this book, I admit that this book is based on a good premise (people respond to different kinds of expressions of love in different ways) but that is about where things stopped.
For one, the author seems to "toot his own horn" from the very start, with the audacious claim that there are exactly five love languages (with different dialects, he admits) and that he has discovered them. I, not turned off by the hubris of the author, felt nothing short of the full honor and privilege that this modern day Prometheus was going to bring down the fire of marriage happiness to me in book form.
Reading on through the book however, I found the same (anecdotal) information being presented to me over and over again. I noticed that throughout the book, there seemed to be no footnotes or references to actual research of human behavior and/or other counselors, but then again this is probably because our author made this pivotal discovery all by himself.
Being a Christian, I did appreciate the references to the Bible. What I did not appreciate, however, are how some of his use of scripture seems to be used, like in the last chapter, where we learn that Jesus told us (in his sermon on the mount) that he wants women to reform their verbally abusive husbands using sex as a tool. (I guess I was sick that day of Sunday school).
I would recommend that anyone who wants the author's best treatment of the subject to read the The Five Love Languages for Singles [5 LOVE LANGUAGES FOR SINGLES].
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