Customer Reviews

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

5 star:		(228)
4 star:		(42)
3 star:		(12)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(12)

 

 

The main idea behind this book is that just as people have unique personality preferences, we all have unique preferences for what we find satisfying and motivating when it comes to love. Your love language is the way that you most feel loved and cared for. The relationship expert behind the book arranges the book into the five love languages, and provides quizzes to help you determine which language you are:

- Words of Affirmation:
If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc. Basically, they find ways to remind you that their world is a better place because you are in it.

- Acts of Service:
If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.

- Affection:
This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, snuggling, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language. Touch is very important to you.

- Quality Time:
This love language is about being together with your partner, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.

- Gifts:
The final love language is centered on the idea that your partner taking the time to think of you and give you a gift, no matter how small, is what makes you feel loved and appreciated.

The problem is most people love how they want to be loved, and that doesn't tend to align with how their partner wants to be loved. So, you have to learn to speak your partner's love language. The author also believes that focusing intently on speaking the love languages will rekindle relationships where people don't even seem to like each other anymore.

Dr. Gary Chapman should be nominated for something .....HUGE. This book is a life changer. No, a love changer. Ok, it's both. What hit me right away is it made perfect sense. Then, to top that, by putting the information to actual use, I was able to see real results just like he had written about in the book. After assessing my wife as having the "acts of service" love language, I decided to test out how she would react. I'm usually up and out the door to work before she gets up. I know she enjoys a cup of coffee in the morning and the sooner the better. So, one morning I set up the coffee pot and put a sticky note on it stating, "Just turn me on." She called me at the office and went on and on about how sweet that was and how I scored big points. The guys in the adjoining cubicles were baffled at my side of the conversation. When I told them about the call, and about the book, they thought it worth looking into a bit more.
I've given over a dozen copies to friends and family. I just gave one to my nephew who was recently married. I even sent one to a guy I met on a plane who told me he was engaged. Without exception, people come back and tell me how The 5 Love Languages have made such a positive difference in their relationships. This stuff should be taught in school.

After hearing rave personal reviews about this book, my fiancee and I decided to read this in efforts to better prepare ourselves for marriage. After reading this book, I admit that this book is based on a good premise (people respond to different kinds of expressions of love in different ways) but that is about where things stopped.

For one, the author seems to "toot his own horn" from the very start, with the audacious claim that there are exactly five love languages (with different dialects, he admits) and that he has discovered them. I, not turned off by the hubris of the author, felt nothing short of the full honor and privilege that this modern day Prometheus was going to bring down the fire of marriage happiness to me in book form.

Reading on through the book however, I found the same (anecdotal) information being presented to me over and over again. I noticed that throughout the book, there seemed to be no footnotes or references to actual research of human behavior and/or other counselors, but then again this is probably because our author made this pivotal discovery all by himself.

Being a Christian, I did appreciate the references to the Bible. What I did not appreciate, however, are how some of his use of scripture seems to be used, like in the last chapter, where we learn that Jesus told us (in his sermon on the mount) that he wants women to reform their verbally abusive husbands using sex as a tool. (I guess I was sick that day of Sunday school).

I would recommend that anyone who wants the author's best treatment of the subject to read the The Five Love Languages for Singles [5 LOVE LANGUAGES FOR SINGLES].

It's a quick read with concepts that are easy to grasp. Most of the book is common sense, but sometimes the right words to describe something elude us and I think he does a great job of providing those easily communicated words. I do, however, find the book a bit redundant and some of the examples are just a little too pat...they end too neatly with everyone riding off into the sunset with happy marriages after a few words...and I'm sure that's hardly the case. Overall, I enjoyed it.

i loved this book (i read the kindle version). a lot of the people who gave it low ratings said it was full of simple common sense. to a point, that's true. but 1) simple is NOT the same as easy and 2) when your marriage is in crisis, common sense goes out the window and you start trying crazy things to solve the problem. or you can't even TRY to solve it at all and it spirals out of control. who can think clearly when there is that much tension at home? its nice to have someone point out some really basic changes to make.

my husband and i have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT languages. because of that, we didn't really understand what the other person needed because it was SO DIFFERENT from what each of us needed. we didn't realize how much our actions or lack of actions around a certain "language" affected the other person. now that i understand, of COURSE it seems like common sense, because it is SO SIMPLE. but i DID need someone else to point it out. thank god for Chapman!

this book gives PRODUCTIVE, action-oriented things you can physically DO to help your marriage. most of them take not even 5 minutes a day.

its made a HUGE difference for us. i read it about 7 months ago and my house has been a happy and peaceful place ever since (even through some heated arguments and differences of opinion). i hope it helps you as much.

This has got to be one of the best Relationship books that I have ever read.

I'm engaged to a Wonderful man. He treats me like a Princess and I do my best to treat him like a Prince but sometimes my temper can get the better of me.

Lately I noticed that when I get upset I don't like myself and how I treat my Fiance.

I knew I needed to do something about this so when I found this book "THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES HOW TO EXPRESS HEARTFELT COMMITMENT TO YOUR MATE" I knew my search was over.

This book was what I needed!!! It explains the Five Love Languages and why a person behaves a certain way when they don't receive their love language.

The FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES:

1) WORDS OF AFFIRMATIONS
2) QUALITY TIME
3) RECEIVING GIFTS
4) ACTS OF SERVICE
5) PHYSICAL TOUCH

I noticed that my number one Love Language is ACTS OF SERVICE & my number two is QUALITY TIME.

When I receive those two from my Fiance, my love tank is FULL. My heart is happy and I'm filled with so much love for him!!! Don't get me wrong I love him, but when my tank is full I LOVE HIM EVEN MORE!!!!!!

If my love tank is empty, I'm not happy, but unlike before....I now know what I need to do to fill it.

Had I not found this book, I probably would not have figured out what it took to make me happy.

I would definitley recommend this book to anyone who wants to improve their relationship or have a better relationship with their partner.

It will improve it dramatically!

I would recommend this book to everyone, singles.. teens.. couples.. parents.. everyone. In this book you will learn how different people express their love and how they feel love. For example.. my mom loves us by doing things for us. Sometimes, I used to get annoyed when she cleaned my room. It not only made me feel guilty but I thought she was invading my privacy. Now I know that this is how she expresses her love. I learned that touch is how I feel loved and show my love. My wife prefers quality time. Hopefully, having this information will help in my future relationships.
Book is easy to read. There is some christian tone in the book but it is not preachy. I as a Muslim think all of the passages qouted from bible were beautiful and universal.

Great book. Love is hard work.Great love is comminication and speaking the other persons language and dialect. Why did I spend thirty years with my ex and not know how to relate well? The book gave me insight into the fact that communication and intimacy can be learned.

Knowing we were going to be spending a lot of time in the car on our vacation, I purchased Gary Chapman's classic work on marriage, The Five Love Languages, in audio book format, before we left. It was the first time I've purchased an audio book and, to be honest, I was not too sure what to expect. Though I've heard from several friends that audio books are a great substitute for the written word - I had my doubts. Among them were thoughts that listening to an author read a book would be boring. I also feared the format would make it difficult to follow the author's line of thought and reasoning.

Fortunately, these fears proved to be unfounded. Listening to Chapman read the book was easy and the many stories he offers as examples from his years of counseling kept both my wife and I interested and engaged in the material.

The premise of Chapman's book is quite simple. Chapman asserts there are five different ways of expressing love, or love languages: 1) words of affirmation; 2) quality time; 3) receiving gifts; 4) acts of service; and 5) physical touch. Chapman devotes a chapter to each of these love languages, offering numerous examples and practical tips on how to properly express these languages of love to your mate. At the end of each chapter on one of the love languages, Chapman offers ten tips for expressing that language to one's husband or wife. This is in keeping with the practical nature of the book; throughout Chapman keeps his audience of married couples living real lives in mind as true stories and practical advice make up the meat of the book.

Chapman also believes that each individual person will have these love languages ranked differently in order of importance. In other words, a husband might best feel loved by his wife's acts of service but the wife might feel most loved when her husband spends quality time with her. This can lead to confusion, Chapman says, within the marriage. Because the husband feels most loved when his wife does things for him (e.g. iron his shirts, clean the house, cook dinner, etc.) he naturally believes that she will also feel most loved when he does acts of service for her (e.g. mow the lawn, wash the car, etc.) when, in reality, she would much rather have him spend that time with her. Of course, she feels she can best express her love to him by spending time with him when he would rather have her help him with chores around the house. After a few years of this cycle, both the husband and wife begin to feel unloved and frustrated that their partner does not appreciate the ways they are trying to express their love to each other - all because they didn't understand that their spouse's primary love language is different than their own.

Chapman explains that this is why it is so important to understand which of the love languages are most important to you and your spouse. He also states it is important to realize that these love languages are not better or worse than each other; that they are more a matter of personal preference and that different individuals will respond differently to each of them. Because Chapman believes this to be so crucial, he devotes a chapter to helping couples discover their primary love language. As a bonus feature, the audio book Karen and I purchased included a questionnaire designed to help Chapman's readers (listeners?) recognize their own primary love language and that of their spouse.

One of the few problems I have with the book is Chapman's attempt to blame the vast majority of marital problems on simple errors in expressing the wrong love language to their marital partner, stating that most men and women have good intentions when it came to their interactions with their spouse. While it is undoubtedly true that many problems are caused by communication breakdowns, and I wholeheartedly believe an attitude of grace and forgiveness should permeate a marriage, it seems Chapman downplays the effect of mankind's sinful nature.

Perhaps Chapman just wants to emphasize that every benefit of the doubt should be extended to our spouses (something I wholeheartedly agree with!) but listening to The Five Love Languages it was easy to get the impression that every marital spat, fight, argument and discord could be attributed to a simple misunderstanding; that a "good" and "well-meaning" husband or wife would never intentionally hurt the feelings or demean their significant other. This is simply not true and ignores the fundamental problem in any marriage - that it consists of two imperfect sinners!

My wife and I enjoyed listening to the book on our travels. The format and setting gave us the unique opportunity to discuss each chapter immediately after we were done listening to it. Chapman used humorous stories effectively, keeping us interested throughout.

I had read many of the reviews posted on Amazon regarding this book, so I was quite anxious to peruse it myself. Upon acquiring the book, I was surprised and yes, even a bit disappointed. While the author succinctly narrowed down the "love languages" to that of only five, his narratives describing each of them are a bit tedious. Not only does Mr. Chapman fail to hold the reader's attention while describing each love language, he has a tendency to be redundant as well. I found the quizzes to be a great deal more salient in helping to identify one's own love language, and of course, that of your partner's love language. In short, this book should have been pared down to approximately three pages. I certainly hope that Mr. Chapman's other books (which I have not read) provide a more interesting read.