Customer Reviews

Love Lessons: African Americans And Sex, Romance, And Marriage In The Nineties

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I found Love Lessons to be one of those "I've got to finish this in one sitting" sort of books. It was both fascinating and disturbing. Despite the title, very few of the people interviewed in the book seemed to have learned any lessons. The lessons they learned, if any, were negative ones.

What is love? That basic question remains unanswered in the book, but we do see what a handful of African-Americans have done in the name of love. My heart went out to the young mother in one tale whose total selflessness allowed her to be exploited and ultimately end up pregnant, homeless, and sleeping on a park bench.

On the flip side, I was annoyed by the tale of the wealthy young woman who openly gloated about how she "loved" the famous artist whom she was having an open relationship with, while she exploited another man who genuinely cared for her and was furthering her career. That's love? How long before she crashes and burns?

Also disturbing was the tale of the wealthy man who didn't want to divorce the wife he never loved in the first place because he didn't want to possibly lose his house. So, he and his wife live in separate suites, use separate entrances, and get on each other's nerves when they ocassionally cross paths. Get a divorce already!

In summary, I recommend Love Lessons to anyone curious about the state of black love. It would be interesting to find a similar book centering around how people of the majority culture describe love and contrast the two.

Although I believe most African-Americans will find someone in the book who reminds them of themselves or someone they know (I have to praise the author for finding such a good cross section of people), I would caution people from outside of the culture not to draw any sweeping conclusions about African-Americans and how we love and treat each other based on this book. There are many more stories to be told.

I tried really hard to get through this book since it was recommended by another person on Amazon. I found that much of the conversation was spent with the author playing devil's advocate to everything the person was being interviewed saying. I also thought the author trying to define what love was by badgering them with questions which was boring. I would have like them to talk about their experiences with love without the questioning from the author.