Customer Reviews

Love Machine [VHS]

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

If you liked the campy melodrama of Jacqueline Susann's "Valley of the Dolls", you'll LOVE its follow up "The Love Machine"! Starring a young Dyan Cannon as the intellectually unparalleled (stares at telephone and asks it - "Are you a recording?") wife of an elderly TV network head honcho, the movie chornicles the bedhopping of TV network golden boy Robin Stone. With a slew of non-stereotyped supporting characters (i.e. a flaming gay fashion designer, a featherbrained fashion model, and a crude Jewish comic), "The Love Machine", like "Valley", tries to be a hard hitting drama, but ends up being a campy, psychadelic time capsule of early 70's fashion, music, and decor. Long out of print, this fab flick has finally been rereleased for a whole new audience to enjoy.

Jackie Susann didn't like the way Hollywood handled her Valley of the Dolls (she hated the upbeat ending they gave it), so she took control of The Love Machine. It's got the action and camp you want and expect from a JS story--and it lacks the sugar and spice you don't want from a Hollywood piece--but it's missing something viewers quite often take for granted: production values. Its cheesiness shows. Heck, that may even make it a better flick.

Anyway, who wouldn't want to see Dyan Cannon having a cat fight with a couple of queens? Or the robotic but handsome John Phillip Law belt an Amazon (as in tall) hooker unconscious? This and all the while poking fun at the television industry.

The movie didn't leverage the "you're a Don Juan because you're really gay" theme that the book did, and the movie suffered from it. All in all, it's a pretty fun movie while you're enjoying a tall cocktail.

This is NOT in the same campy league of "Valley of theDolls", .... That film was hilarious, full of bad acting, great dialogue, and lots of funny, over-the-top set pieces. "Valley" has a cult following among "bad film" fans, and deservedly so. This one is engaging for its sleazy script about a good looking reporter who scratches and claws his way to the top of network television and his circle of beautiful, lusty women, gay wannabe lovers, cutthroat executives, etc. The whole thing could have been a large budget handsome film drama but, instead, looks like it was filmed on videotape. The actor who plays the lead is very bland and almost feminine in appearance-hardly the irresistable sexual dynamo required by the script. There is lots of bad acting here but Dyan Cannon and, believe it or not, comedian Shecky Greene give good performances. Everyone else is from the "I began my career as a beautiful model and now I am trying acting" school. I enjoyed the film as a mindless diversion but am unlikely to watch it again and again as I have with "Valley of the Dolls". It is too bad that no one has ever made a good film based on a Jacqueline Susann novel because her books ARE page turners and she does know show business, having been an actress before turning to writing. I find that her novels are engaging, well plotted, and do have something to say about those whose values are corrupted by the love of fame, power, and fortune. They are also vastly entertaining-a quality that this film never achieves. A much lesser film - in terms of entertainment value- than its sleazier, campier, outrageous sister "Valley of the dolls" but worth a view-with plenty of popcorn.

Considering that screenwriter Samuel A. Taylor wrote SABRINA (with Audrey Hepburn) and Hitchcock's VERTIGO, you'd think he would have known how to adapt an admittedly sprawling and melodramatic novel into a fun feature film. (Although, his screenplay at least has some juice when you compare it to the dry ONCE IS NOT ENOUGH screenplay written by Julius Epstein, who also penned CASABLANCA and adapted ARSENIC AND OLD LACE). The book is divided into three sections--each the name of a woman that Robin Stone has a relationshiip with along his climb to fame as a network newsman. In the film version, one of the three women (Maggie) has a role thats little more than a walk-on. You wonder if the script just forgot to tie up all the loose ends (so, IS Robin Stone gay? Why is he beating up hookers?)--loose ends that ARE completely explained in Jacqueline Susann's novel--or did they just run out of time and they lopped off the end of the movie?

The major problem with the movie is the monotone performance by John Phillip Law as Robin Stone. The way they have him styled, its hard to see why women are drawn to him (which is not Law's fault because he's charasmatic in BARBARELLA and RYAN'S DAUGHTER), but his line readings are all flat.

Thank heavens for the wonderful Dyan Cannon, who knows camp when she reads it and flounces in with the tightest wardrobe and the best lines (Pauline Kael described her once as "looking a bit like Lauren Bacall and a bit like Jeanne Moreau, but the wrong bits."). She's a trashy live wire and the movie throbs when she's around--esspecially in the fight scene near the end of the film where she uses an Oscar as a weapon. Maureen Arthur (so great as Heddy LaRue in HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING) is also a lot of fun as a secretary who's been around and finally gets to call the shots. I admire the fact that Robin Stone remains pretty unsympathetic throughout, but the ending will leave you scratching your head...or better yet, running to Jacqueline Susann's THE LOVE MACHINE to fill in the blanks. Although its rated R, there's only a brief flash of breasts. The widescreen print of this burn-on-demand DVD is great but there are no extras...not even the film's trailer.

I really went into "The Love Machine" with high expectations. After all, it was the second Jacqueline Susann novel to be adapted for the big screen, and "Valley of the Dolls" has been one of my favorite flicks of all-time since I first saw it on the late show back in 1981.

Sadly, as much as I wanted to love "The Love Machine", the movie can't hold a candle to the over-the-top camp-tastic "Dolls" and is a major disappointment.

The plot chronicles the rise of local newscaster and sex or "Love Machine" Robin Stone (John Philip Law) to network president after bedding the boss' wife (Dyan Cannon) and said boss is hospitalized after suffering a coronary.

I haven't read the book but it seems as though many elements are lifted directly from "Dolls" but are nowhere near as effective here:

Beautiful vacuous blonde commits suicide? Check.

Up-and-coming talented actress gets fired on-set and flies off to her dressing room? Check.

Shallow show-biz folk bitch and back-stab behind the scenes? Check.

Main characters wallows in the filthy red-light district after hitting a low point in life? Check.

The word "fag" is thrown about by catty blonde women? Check.

A very dated "Gillian Girl" cosmetics commercial/montage? Check.

Dionne Warwick warbles the overwrought theme song? Check.

Jackie Susann herself makes a cameo as newscaster/reporter? Check.

None of this is as entertaining as it was in "Dolls" and there are only two scenes that make the movie worthwhile viewing. One is when Eve Bruce (billed simply as "Amazon Woman") has the holy snot beat out of her as a hooker who calls Robin Stone a "closet queen". The other is the big finale where Cannon gets into a knock-down-drag-out four-way fight with Law and the two gay characters over an incriminating slave bracelet. However, these scenes are not enough to save the movie.

I must give special mention to the hooty performance by Maureen Arthur as publicist Ethel Evans, the loose and sassy publicist who resembles Ann-Margret/Jeannie C. Riley and has the mouth and morals of a horny sailor. The movie could have used more of her.

With a better-looking and more charismatic actor in the leading role, and spicier, campier dialog this could have been much better. Where oh where are Neely O'Hara and Helen Lawson when you need 'em?

This is Manufacture-on-Demand disc from Sony's Screen Classics on Demand series. The widescreen picture quality is as good as any factory-pressed DVD and it was playable in my PC drive.

It's not a total waste but rent it before you buy.

[THE LOVE MACHINE -(1971)- Widescreen - directed by Jack Haley Jr.] I don't care what anyone says, this flick is a lot more cultishly campy than 'Dolls', and a lot more trashy, tawdry and downright shoddy. Sleaze that aims to please, yessir. And I mean that in the most favorable way possible. John Phillip Law in his most animated role I've seen as a TV news anchor (known as the Love Machine), sleeping with every floozy imaginable, as he ascends to the top of a respected television network, only to self-destruct in half the time of the proverbial New York minute.

The women involved are star-banging, back-biting, gossip-mongering, flat-backing, deliciously disingenuous and calloused carnivores who make this film a festival of frightening conduct and mannerless man-grabbing, god bless them. Naturally, the supreme-deity of depravity is Dyan Cannon, who makes the price of admission worthwhile in and of herself. As gloriously bitchy, needy and manipulative as the other femme fatales are, the film would be worthless without Dyan's charismatic presence and cut-throat contributions. She literally owns the final act of this cinematic sewage, elevating it not to art or a good film, but a delightful expedition into the seamier side of a seedy world we love to wallow in and hate. Therein lays its value and virtue. No more, no less - no one in their right mind approaches this film or novel seeking art or esthetics except the exceedingly delusional.

Sure, there's much to chastise here but remember, this is a Jacqueline Susann novel with Jackie presiding over the proceedings (insisting as such as she despised what Hollywood did with her 'Dolls' film) and what did she really know about filmmaking? Bubkas. Even with the studio hiring Jack Haley Jr. ('That's Entertainment!') as director, this trainwreck was predestined to be the trash it was always touted to be. But it's transcendent trash in hindsight, a carwreck we can't turn away from as we search the wreckage for carnage and bloodshed. And that's where we aren't disappointed here, not by a longshot.

David Hemmings in a great role as a gay photographer, Shecky Greene at his slimiest as a TV comedienne host, Jackie Cooper as an elder programming exec soon on his way out, Robert Ryan as Dyan Cannon's older husband and network head, and Maureen Arthur, Claudia Jennings, Jodi Wexler and Sharon Farrell as the feral felines all make certain we don't stay bored or indifferent to the time-honored clichés on display for too long. For a trashpic, there's not a lot of nudity and the ever-present exploitative element appears a bit tame, even by early 70's standards (eg. 'Beyond the Valley of the Dolls'), but there is enough lowbrow camp to keep most of the core audience appeased. My generosity after seeing this flick is going overboard by giving this one five stars, but those of you who appreciate solid 70's celluloid sleaze will probably agree...

I really went into "The Love Machine" with high expectations. After all, it was the second Jacqueline Susann novel to be adapted for the big screen, and "Valley of the Dolls" has been one of my favorite flicks of all-time since I first saw it on the late show back in 1981.

Sadly, as much as I wanted to love "The Love Machine", the movie can't hold a candle to the over-the-top camp-tastic "Dolls" and is a major disappointment.

The plot chronicles the rise of local newscaster and sex or "Love Machine" Robin Stone (John Philip Law) to network president after bedding the boss' wife (Dyan Cannon) and said boss is hospitalized after suffering a coronary.

I haven't read the book but it seems as though many elements are lifted directly from "Dolls" but are nowhere near as effective here:

Beautiful vacuous blonde commits suicide? Check.

Up-and-coming talented actress gets fired on-set and flies off to her dressing room? Check.

Shallow show-biz folk bitch and back-stab behind the scenes? Check.

Main characters wallows in the filthy red-light district after hitting a low point in life? Check.

The word "fag" is thrown about by catty blonde women? Check.

A very dated "Gillian Girl" cosmetics commercial/montage? Check.

Dionne Warwick warbles the overwrought theme song? Check.

Jackie Susann herself makes a cameo as newscaster/reporter? Check.

None of this is as entertaining as it was in "Dolls" and there are only two scenes that make the movie worthwhile viewing. One is when Eve Bruce (billed simply as "Amazon Woman") has the holy snot beat out of her as a hooker who calls Robin Stone a "closet queen". The other is the big finale where Cannon gets into a knock-down-drag-out four-way fight with Law and the two gay characters over an incriminating slave bracelet. However, these scenes are not enough to save the movie.

I must give special mention to the hooty performance by Maureen Arthur as publicist Ethel Evans, the loose and sassy publicist who resembles Ann-Margret/Jeannie C. Riley and has the mouth and morals of a horny sailor. The movie could have used more of her.

With a better-looking and more charismatic actor in the leading role, and spicier, campier dialog this could have been much better. Where oh where are Neely O'Hara and Helen Lawson when you need 'em?

It's not a total waste but rent it before you buy.

This book that followed Valley of the Dolls had me hooked with Jacqueline Susann writing. The movied was so close to the book, the stars were selected to match the characters in the book so perfectly. At the end of the Love Machine, I could now wait for the next book and movie, Once is not Enough; which also was a hit with me. Love all 3 books and movies by J. Susann.
Memories of the Seventies to keep me going....

This movie is absolutely horrible. You can tell that Jacqueline Susann was cooler then her time because if read the book and then watch this movie its a little apparent that people back then just didn't get it.

I wouldn't be surprised if Jackie and Irving walked out of this film premier like she did with the opening of 'Valley'.

The story line is completely watered down, the characters aren't even in the right order and their are even rediculous plots in the movie that aren't even in the book.

A rule of thumb, Jackie Susann's books were not trash, the movies made about them were.

The only exciting thing about this movie is that you get to see Jackie's cameo as a news reporter in the film. And this is the only reason why I want them to release it on DVD. There just might be some interesting back stage commentary/material on Jackie in the extra features.

The LOVE MACHINE is actually TELEVISION, and Jacqueline Susann's double entendre title is the best thing about this movie. Hard on the heels of VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, this could have been a fun movie if somebody hadn't dropped the ball. In Valley, the fun was in watching the antics of Patty Duke as Neely O'Hara and Susan Hayward as Helen Lawson and wondering whether Judy Garland and Ethel Merman were anything like these screen characters.

THE LOVE MACHINE is about the wheeling and dealing and philandering that goes on in the world of Television circa 1970 something and the problem is that you just won't care. This is TV, small screen, smale scale and cheesy, which is surprising considering the fact that it was a follow-up to a blockbuster. John-Phillip Law, a flash-in-the-pan from the 70's plays Robin Stone, a supposedly charismatic TV executive who is irresistable to women. He is not at all believable because his performance is colorless and bland. If you're a bad guy, BE a bad guy! The women in his life are uninteresting as well. This is death for a soap opera like this movie. If you don't care about the women, you have no movie.

Dionne Warwicke is on hand to sing an imitation Burt Bacharach title song, which is a dumb idea considering the fact that Andre and Dory Previn, not Burt Bacharach wrote the hit theme for Valley of the Dolls. The theme song from this movie flopped.

Dyan Cannon is too young for her role of a cougar married to a TV executive.
I don't remember the name of the actress who plays Amanda, that's how bad she was. Only Maureen Arthur is intriguing as Ethel Evens, the "Celebrity Boinker", but her role is to small to make this movie worth watching.

David Hemmings gives possibly the all-time worst performance by an actor as a gay fashion photographer. His portrayal seems to be a blend of Bette Davis as Margo Channing and George Sanders as Addison DeWitt in All About Eve. This performance is as odious as a dead skunk and just as appealing; however it is the most interesting performance in the film.

The movie never explains Robin Stone's motivation. In fact, no situations or set-ups are ever resolved. The movie just kind of ambles along and ends, as if they ran out of money or lost interest in it. You'll lose interest in it, too!

The only other interesting detail about this movie is that the book on which it was based popularized the Egyptian Ankh as a Love symbol and, for a while, people started wearing them around their necks.

This movie is also a dead skunk. don't waste your time on it.