Customer Reviews

I Love a Man in Uniform: A Memoir of Love, War, and Other Battles

5 star:		(24)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Having read other books by Lily Burana, I knew "I Love A Man in Uniform" would be sharp, entertaining, and laugh-out-loud funny - which it is. What I didn't know was how tremendously moving it would be. The author presents an honest warts-and-all examination of both the Army's role in the world and an independent woman's role in marriage.

This is a book that combines a self-fellating walrus and a stripper with hemorrhoids with a serious exploration of mental health issues and an Army insider's admission of why Abu Ghraib is a disaster for America and the world. Burana tackles every subject with a fresh, sassy voice backed by a serious sense of honor. The result is a surprising, touching tribute to both marriage and the Army, compelling even to an old anti-military-establishment cynic like me.

From the very first paragraph of her memoir, ex-stripper Burana is battling the ghosts of perfectionism, those prudish voices that would have her believe that a woman with a past has no future. In time she learns that the way to a bright future IS by coming to terms with her past.

She also sees that the military wives she rubs elbows with are more than Stepford Wives devoted to children, kitchen, and church. Her willingness to admit to her erroneous assumptions about others, especially where her stereotyping of them is concerned, makes Burana a sympathetic self-reporter.

I can relate to much of Burana's dilemma, having witnessed at close range my mother's challenges in the absence of a husband who was "on-again, off-again" for a great deal of their marriage, due to his military deployments. This dynamic is hell on any marriage; to keep marching on at times, it takes true grit, which Burana has in spades.

Burana describes her personal challenges in straightforward if sometimes talky prose. At times, I felt as if she were musing to fill up page count. I have read Burana's first two books, and I enjoyed them both more than UNIFORM. However, she is a highly skilled raconteuse. She is at her best here when she relates quick stories that make a sharp point, such as her reunion with porn goddess Nina Hartley and Hartley's producer-director husband. In such settings, her descriptions of people, places, and objects are punchy and perceptive.

For me, her memoir really takes flight on page 198, with the phrase, "I can clearly identify the moment I started going nuts." For the next hundred pages, Burana's story is gripping as she and her husband struggle to come to terms with a marriage on the verge of collapse. While anyone bright can poke fun at her own self-seriousness, it takes tenacity and a generous spirit to find a way out of the traps it creates.

This is most apparent in the memoir's meta-theme, which concerns Burana's marriage not only to the man who captured her heart, but to the military institution within which he has built his career. In the process, Burana bites off more than she bargained for. Yet in the end, her spirit grows for the trouble. When her writing is at its strongest, Burana's spirit of compromise is a pretty amazing feat to behold.

--Bill Brent [29 August 2009]

I'm adding this review on Memorial Day, which seems fitting. I never thought about this holiday except as a good opportunity to buy linens. Now, after reading Lily's book, I'm acutely attuned to the sacrifices of military members and their families. Even though my own father was in the Navy, I had reductive ideas about who "the real military" was -- my dad was a thoughtful, irreverent Democrat for whom the military was a way to pay for med school, but I imagined that for people who actually wanted to be part of this club, independent thinking was a no-no. In my head, they were all hard-right, sexist, lock-step followers. But Lily's portrait of her husband Mike, and of the military in general, educated me. I Love a Man in Uniform offers a nuanced, sometimes hilarious, often moving picture of a subculture many of us liberals know nothing about. So on this holiday, I say thanks to military families for their sacrifices. And thanks to this book for teaching me.

I may be the oddball out here but this was one of the worst military spouse books I've read. I was very excited to get it and read about her story of being a military spouse. While she does speak of her life on base, she spends the majority of her book complaining about her mental issues. I read this book while my husband was deployed, I got it as a gift to myself for reaching the halfway mark. What a waste, it made me even more depressed and annoyed. She spends so much time whining I don't see how anyone can say this was worth the read?! My copy will not be packed in my next PCS, goodwill here I come.

This, simply put, is a really good book. It's far, far more than a military wife memoir--Burana goes through a period of serious depression and doubt, leaves her husband, and finds herself looking back over the whole--call it first half--of her life in a way that I think everyone needs to do in order to grow up--and I mean grow up in a good way. The military--like any institution, like marriage, like work, like life--isn't perfect, and she has to learn to love it and live within it not by ignoring its imperfections, or by "embracing" them, but by accepting them.

The first third of the book is spent getting to know Burana, and when things start happening, you find that you've fully invested--you understand that she wasn't able to tell you much about how she felt while her husband was deployed because she herself wasn't sure how she felt, or how to balance that with how she felt she should felt. It's not a book about his journey, but about hers. A really excellent memoir. On the surface, we share no obvious traits--I am not a military wife, I haven't suffered from the traumas she shares, I was never a Goth kid or a stripper--but I identified with Burana and thought I grew, in some small way alongside her. I highly recommend this book.

The first few chapters of this memoir enthralled me-- Burana's wit and humor is engaging and fresh in those chapters, and I looked forward to a new take on military life. However, after those chapters, the book quickly evolves into self-exploration as the author recounts her mental breakdown, and it loses the thematic thrust set up in the initial chapters. The end tries to tie it all together, to make cohesion between the first chapter and the breakdown, inciting Abu Ghraib and politics in the attempt, but I find the connections rather tenuous. In the spirit of full disclosure, I must admit that I read Burana's book right after reading Sophia Raday's _Love in Condition Yellow_, a book which fulfilled my penchant for lyrical, complex and connective prose, a style absent in Burana's book-- this has no doubt shaded my view of _I Love a Man in Uniform_.

Lily Burana's generous transparency about our Army and herself makes this book a fabulous read. Honesty and authenticity are endemic of good character and good leadership--the most important lessons taught at her beloved West Point. As Burana courageously shares deeply personal insights in this book, the reader is treated to sometimes funny, sometimes painful, but always honest and always authentic glimpses of service culture--its imperfections as well as its glory. Her insider's view of post traumatic stress turns her pain into a treasured segment of mosaic for those who want to understand the effects of abuse and the continuing postwar sacrifices of many Soldiers and Marines. It's a priceless practical case study about fighting depression with treatment and conquering suicidal impulses, and I suspect it will save someone's life. The ending pulls together the entire work as a lesson in hope--and who doesn't want to learn that?

Lily has written a brilliant, behind the scenes book of what being an Army Wife is truly about. This is the real story, and not the Lifetime Network version. She is not afraid to talk about the things that some in the Army only whisper about. I admire her courage and honesty for allowing us a look inside her family's life. She tells a story that needs to be told, about the ravages of PTSD and the unseen damages that can't be splinted, stitched or easily solved. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to any and all who want to learn a little more about what it means to serve and sacrifice.

This book was recommended to me by a friend who NEVER recommends books. I figured, if she loved it enough to take time out of her busy day to message me and tell me to read this, then it must be wonderful! Unfortunately, I didn't quite get that feeling. Now, I'm going to TRY and word this review so I don't sound like a completely insensitive jerk, but I may fail. Ok...here goes.

I don't know much AT ALL about Army life. My husband is a Navy Officer aboard submarines. My father served over 20 years as an enlisted crew member on subs, having joined literally, the day after I was born (I'm 29). So every single day of my life I have been surrounded by the United States Navy and it's submarine fleet. That said, it was very difficult for me to relate to Lily coming into the military life so late in the game. I did, however really enjoy the beginning chapters of the book. Her outlook on the military is much like my own. I can't stand the snooty officer wives who wear their husbands rank, or the pressure some commands can put on you to be the 'Perfect Military Spouse'.

She lost me however with the whole mental breakdown (this is where I'm going to end up sounding like a jerk). I understand it can be tough to deal with big changes. I also understand people get depressed, or bummed, or have bad days/weeks. But what she did to her husband absolutely infuriated me. So much so that I had to put the book down for a while (I'll admit though, when I picked it back up and continued reading, she did redeem herself a bit in the end). My outlook on military marriages is (I have been married 7 years now)...Our husbands have ENOUGH to worry about at work, whether they're Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines...they should NEVER have to question the ONE thing they should always be able to take solace in...their marriage. Now, (before y'all bite my head off), I understand military couples go through rough patches and many get divorced (I myself am divorced from an enlisted submariner who I married while still VERY young), but for EIGHTEEN MONTHS Lily didn't want to be with her husband, yet she also didn't want to divorce him. THAT is what I had such a problem with. That for eighteen months her husband had the added stress of wondering day after day, night after night whether or not his wife was ever going to come back home.

Anyway, as I said, in the end my anger at her subsided a bit. Her and her husband worked through their problems (this info can be found on the flap, I'm not putting out any spoilers here) and she was able to finally get comfortable in her role as Officer's Wife. I don't know how many times I thought while reading this 'Wow, she sounds REALLY cool. I sure wish some of my fellow wives were as laid back as she was.' While I may not have agreed with how she handled some things, I overall, really liked her. You may be thinking, 'Well, it's HER marriage and who the heck are YOU to judge her?'...you're absolutely right. However, she did write this book about it, so that kinda opens her up to other people's opinions.

Would I recommend this? Well, it really depends on who you're recommending it to. A die-hard military spouse who's been living this lifestyle for years? Absolutely not. It would only make them very angry. A new wife who's struggling to fit in to the crazy life of the United States Military? Most definitely. I think Lily's book will help many wives get a grip on all the changes they're experiencing, and the thoughts that are going through their heads...it just wasn't up MY alley.

A critic review on the back cover claims the book is eloquoently written - where is the eloquoence? Personally, I felt like Burana could be compared with an 18 year old girl blogging; her writing didn't have fluency to it, no poetry. In the one hundred plus pages where she describes her deteriorating mental state she lacked power in her words; I didn't feel what she was feeling - nothing she has written jumped out of the book and made me feel saddened with her. Instead it made me feel annoyed, aggravated and like I was listening to someone whine incessantly. I understand what she is saying about the whole "suck it up mantra" amongst military wives being overwhelming and overplayed - but at some point - one needs to stop whining or writing and shut it.

Waste of money. Waste of time. Waste of brain power.

Semper Fi.