Most helpful positive review
137 of 145 people found the following review helpful
Great advice, but The Divorce Remedy is better
on June 27, 2007
I got this book right when I discovered my husband was having an affair with a coworker. I was pregnant and taking care of two toddlers, and totally devastated as I went through the nightmare of shock and grief that infidelity causes. I started out clinging to my husband, begging him to come to his senses. Then I got this book, and immediately told him he was free to go. It took tremendous pressure off, but it was excruciating to really let him go at a time I desperately needed him. The hardest part was just getting through the denial stage. it takes so long to actually come to grips that your spouse is so far gone. But once I did that I was able to put Dobson's advice to work. That was six gruelling months ago, and I have just found Michele Weiner Davis' book, The Divorce Remedy, which I WISH I had known about from the beginning. She isn't christian, but her philosophy is near identical to Dobson's. She takes you through a very emotion stabilizing, proactive, productive journey at a time when you feel totally powerless. Her book is about finding solutions that work; Dobson's is more about just the 'tough love' philosophy, with christian sensibilities.
If you find yourself in a similar situation to me you will find both books incredibly inspiring and encouraging. All I can say is that the more self respect and detachment I can muster up, the more my husband seems interested in sticking around. The more I cling, the farther away he goes. I have now experienced this phenomenon repeatedly over the months. Every time I am tough, it gets my husband's attention. I have made some big mistakes, and had some triumphs. I am still trying to wait out my husband's mid life crisis, and I am learning so much about respecting myself while I do so.
If you are neither comfortable with filing divorce, or being a doormat, you will find lots of excellent advice here.