Customer Reviews

Love the One You're With

5 star:		(199)
4 star:		(85)
3 star:		(68)
2 star:		(41)
1 star:		(40)

 

 

I am an Emily Giffin fan. I am an unabashed, unashamed Emily Giffin fan. Her books pull me in the way a good date does, attracting me with a glossy exterior but keeping me interested by revealing a surprising depth.

LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH contains the usual smart, charmed female protagonist living in a rather romanticized version of New York. But, in the first chapter, Giffin does something different. She introduces us to the main character's tempting dilemma - a charged encounter on the street with a hot, old boyfriend - before even telling us her name.

The character's name is Ellen. She's so analytical that she's practically obsessive compulsive. And she spends a lot of LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH debating what she should - and should not - do about her cute, sweet husband Andy and her smoldering, brooding, dark and troubled ex-boyfriend Leo.

While Ellen's happy with Andy, she keeps thinking, "What if?"

This is the central problem of many a novel, but Giffin manages to hook the reader in with - dare I say it - some of the most erotic, intriguing flashbacks to Ellen's former relationship with Leo.

The husband Andy is a charming character, but, in Ellen's shoes, I would totally bang Leo. Giffin writes him as though he exudes sex through his eyes, through his pores. It's all very hard to resist.

And, it must be said, the inclusion of those scenes alongside many snarky references to my hometown of Atlanta kept me very entertained.

Strangely though, instead of flying all the way through it as I usually do, I flew through to Chapter Ten or so, then found myself taking a small break from it to concentrate on other things. Around the time that Ellen went to the charming, stylized Atlanta for the first time and then to photograph rock star Drake Watters, I was intrigued again.

After that, I was pulled back into the book every time that Ellen's sister Suzanne, a minor character with an edgy point-of-view, appeared on the page, though, for she was the voice I most related to in the long course of the book.

The core family of Ellen's in-laws at the center of the book, though, didn't always have my sympathies. In life, I tend to find those sorts of blessed, charmed, passive-aggressive, let's-put-on-a-smile types suspicious. Giffin makes was a very, very interesting move to have Ellen not just marry a man like Andy, but marry into her best friend and sister-in-law Margot's family. Giffin's excellent at exploring the dynamics of female friendship, and the Ellen-Margot friendship is satisfyingly complicated.

When Ellen is perplexed by her ex, she loses her chief confidante in Margot, for Margot's loyalty might go to her brother when news of what Ellen's secrets might come out.

The changing alliances of the marriage brings out Ellen's insecurity about her place, her feelings about her mother and how her own family must've felt intimidated and outmatched in comparison to the Grahams. Great, great stuff.

Of course, the protagonist Ellen might divide readers, for Ellen's in what many women would consider an ideal, supportive situation with a rich, successful and essentially sweet husband, loving in-laws, a nice house, a good career and such. Some readers might approach the book with the outset of "What the hell is she doing even thinking about infidelity when she's got it made?" But, once again, Giffin impresses by putting her protagonist squarely in the middle of what, at face value, seems like an indefensible position and manages to make her real, charming, vulnerable, reasonable and a heroine worthy of my attention as a reader and even my heart. Ellen, shockingly, considers infidelity for what feels like very valid reasons involving her heart and her choices.

It's a very smart book.

Not my favorite of Ms. Giffen's books, but interestingly, it is the book that I have been most able to relate to. I understand Ellen's need to understand and process, and ulimately resolve, the difference between the love she feels for her husband, and the love she feels/felt for her ex. I think that the book's realistic yet affirming take on love marriage and commitment is a welcome read for the so called "chick lit" genre.

At the same time, I lost patience with Ellen by page 75. By page 158, I was almost angry with her for taking so long to figure it out. By page 215, I simply vowed to finish the book by the end of the day, and get it over with. Lucky for me, the ending was sweet, and everyone that mattered was happy.

I think the problem is that there was not enough action and plot, and most of the characters -- the ones that I most wanted to learn about -- were kind of flat and one-dimensional. Overall, a good read, and I will buy Ms. Giffen's next book the week it comes out as well.

On the surface, Ellen Graham appears to have the perfect life. She has a successful career as a photographer and is married to Andy, a wealthy lawyer who's a fantastic guy and also happens to be the brother of Ellen's best friend, Margot. Several months after Ellen and Andy's wedding, Ellen is going about her business on the streets of New York City when she bumps into Leo, her ex-boyfriend. Ellen hasn't seen or spoken to Leo in years, but as soon as she sees him again, she can't stop thinking about him. Eventually Ellen is forced to decide if what she had with Leo so long ago is worth fighting for, or if she truly belongs with the man she walked down the aisle with.

I always enjoy Emily Giffin's books, and "Love the One You're With" is no exception. Ellen is a very relatable character. I think a lot women encounter their own Leo at some point in their lives, a man who's difficult to completely let go of, for one reason or another. However, the book was very predictable right from the start, and it was pretty obvious how everything would turn out. (There's no such thing as an unhappy ending in an Emily Giffin book!) The ending in itself seemed rather rushed, in my opinion, and I would have enjoyed a longer Ellen/Margot reconciliation scene at the end: Their friendship was a major part of the book, and the resolution between the two characters took up less than three pages at the end of the novel. Still, I enjoyed this book from beginning to end and could not put it down.

As a newlywed myself, I picked up this book from the library thinking that it would be good fun. Boy, was I ever mistaken!

As other reviewers have pointed out, the plot (if one could call it that) proceeds at a snail's pace. Instead of action, we are treated to interminable monologues and bloated flashbacks from our singularly obnoxious narrator, Ellen. I doubt that Ellen's self-centered musings would be of much interest to her own therapist, and for a reader looking for a fun summer escape they are Dull City indeed.

Besides the lack of plot, here are some other things that annoyed me to no end:

-The dialogue. Honestly, who talks like this? It was like a script for a really bad sitcom, replete with lazy pop culture references and groan-inducing puns that are supposed to pass for flirtatious banter. As Ellen fires off a round of questions, her husband says, "Whoa there, Inspector Gadget!" Lame. Ellen, meanwhile, frequently congratulates herself on her deadpanned quips and wisecracks, with are all without fail terrible and bristling with outdated sarcasm.

-The characters. Leo, Ellen's brooding ex, was a risibly superficial character study, like a cardboard cutout of "pretentious NY artist type." He didn't seem real-- none of them did. Not Oscar, the "somber Brit with a dry streak of humor" (stereotype), not Stella, the pastel-clad Atlanta matriarch, and not Andy, Ellen's achingly dull husband. Puppet shows have more substance! Ellen, as others have pointed out, was extremely unlikeable-- in fact, not since The Confederency of Dunces has there been so awful a protagonist. What an immature narcissist! At one point she gives Andy the finger behind his back. Nice.

-The places. Has Emily Giffin ever been to Pittsburgh? Or to New York, for that matter? The descriptions and evocations of the novel's settings relied heavily on stereotype. New York: greatest city in the world, late-night food deliveries, the "pulse" and "rhythym" of the big city, black clothes, brownstones, lofts, blah blah. And Pittsburgh: steel, salt of the earth folk, blue-collar. Atlanta: hot weather, golf, debutantes, pastels, sweet tea, "bless her heart." It's hard not to stereotype when you're writing about places you clearly know nothing about, so maybe Ms. Giffin ought to stick to her hometown for setting inspiration.

-The infidelity. For infidelity to work, so to speak, in a work of fiction, the pairing needs to be both believable and cataclysmically sexy (think Olivier Martinez and Diane Lane in "Unfaithful.") The reader needs to feel the protagonist's temptation and yearning. Otherwise, it is both egregiously unmoral and criminally dull. Ellen and Leo together were about as appealing as a rubberband and an old shoe.

It was also pretty annoying how the death of Ellen's mother was brought up every few paragraphs. In the book, it happened over twenty years ago. No, you don't ever "get over" a parent's death, but if you're still constantly reminded of it after two decades, then you really should be in therapy, NOT in a self-destructive love affair with a loser ex.

As a busy mother, I don't often have time to devote to reading so I have very little patience for books that are either slow, boring or just pointless. Luckily, this book was none of the above: it was entertaining and had enough depth to make the read more than worthwhile. As a married woman, I was surpised that I could relate so easily to the main character, but I guess we all have those long lost loves that have an unexplainable hold on our hearts. There were many times when I grew frustrated at how easily the main character indulged in those feelings to the detriment of her marriage, but then I remembered back to what it was like being so unsure in a new marriage and a new life and it made more sense. Undertaking a lifelong commitment is not an easy thing for anyone, and it takes a while to get into the swing of it (so to speak). Maybe it is taken to a dramatic extreme in this case, but the issues addressed in this book are intelligently drawn out.

But whether I agreed with what the main character was doing throughout the book or not, I simply could not put the book down. I thought this book was a smart and, for the most part, realistic look at the challenges of marriage and the author certainly pulls no punches in laying bare the sometimes ugly longings of her character's heart.

Emily is just a wonderful writer! I have been waiting for this book to come out and it did not disappoint. She allows her readers to connect so well. I could not put this book down and my college roommates could not wait til I finished so they too could get their hands on it.

They say most writers have one great book in them, and I guess this is true of Ms. Giffin. Her first, "Something Borrowed" was a delight, and I looked forward to "Something Blue." It was somewhat of a letdown, and appeared as if she'd injected many of the discarded notes from her first book into her second - resulting in a passable second effort, clothed in designer hand-me-downs ... so to speak. Her third, "Baby Proof" began what I consider a more serious downhill trend in the quality of her work - forgettable the minute the last page is turned and never a book I would voluntarily recommend to a friend.

And now, this fourth, "Love the One You're With", is so incredibly lackluster that it's hard to believe it comes from the same author. The pace is sluggish and the narrative voice comes across in a monotone - as if you are listening to a friend relate some never-ending history of a relationship ("so then he said to me, and then I was like, and after that I told him, but then he ...") as you sit there with your eyes glazing over. The characters are stereotypical and never fully developed, and Giffin manipulates them in sudden spurts in order to move the plot in the direction needed. All of a sudden, the wonderful husband becomes a dull jackass while the best friend becomes a shallow yuppie ... so much easier for the protagonist to shed them in her pursuit of the old flame. I guess Giffin believes that all she has to do is write it, and we shall believe - but it doesn't work that way.

So where does this leave Giffin? In the position of having to come up with an exceptional next novel or let the waters of mediocrity slowly wash over her head, condemning her to the burgeoning ranks of anonymous chick lit writers. People will only continue to shell out the bucks if they think the read will be worth it. Based on the declining impact of her collected works, let's hope she's able to pull it off.

Like Giffin's first three books, Love the One You're With is about the life choices we make. Ellen's choice here is somewhat predictable, but the journey she makes toward that decision is poignant. In this novel, Ellen has the greatest sexual chemistry with Leo, and its easy to see why she was attracted to him in the first place. Her relationship with Andy, however, seems a little out in left field. In addition, Ellen herself got on my nerves, because she kept posturing herself as better than her husband's family (despite the fact that they look on her as one of their own). I also thought Giffin's depiction of Pittsburghers didn't ring true--its almost as though she's never even met someone from there, much less been there; many Pittsburghers I know are rabid Steelers fans and say "y'uns." It's more working class than the eastern part of Pennsylvania, for sure, but I thought this depiction of Pittsburgh was way too stereotypical for my taste.

On the other hand, I think that Ellen's situation is relatable. We've all run into an ex here and there, and we've all had to make the kinds of decisions that Ellen makes here. Emily Giffin's books are always thought-provoking and "intelligent" chick lit. That said, however, I definitely preferred Something Borrowed to this book.

I have really enjoyed all of Emily Giffin's novels but this one was far and away my favorite. Ellen, the main character, finds herself leading a more charmed lifestyle than she ever imagined and begins to wonder if there can be too much of a good thing. I know it sounds like she would be a little hard to empathize with but like so many of Giffin's heroines Ellen is instantly relatable and you fall right in step with the way she thinks. Because she is so identifiable you also find yourself (like Ellen) trying to justify what may not be right. The story takes a lot of twists and Giffin throws in moral hiccups to muddy the waters of right and wrong. I rooted for and against about every character at some point and changed my mind over and over again. Bottom line I felt very involved in the novel which for me always constitutes a good book.

This is a fun, engaging story about what ifs in life, and how hard it is to let someone go for good. The focus of the book is singular: how one woman deals with the emotional turmoil in her life when she finds that she might be in love with two people at once. Within that framework, we get a great story about love and its many complications. Smart writing and insightful observations about love and commitment give this book its momentum, making the pages fly by until it's satisfying conclusion.

I also wanted to mention that some of the judgements previous reviewers have laid out about "there would be no story if she knew what true love is all about" is ridiculous. Isn't that what she's trying to figure out in the book? This is real life, when not everything is so clean and neat. Those who think otherwise, well, consider yourselves lucky because it sure is messy for the rest of us!