Love and Pornography: Dealing with Porn and Saving your Relationship [Paperback]

Victoria Prater (Author), Garry Prater (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 098187438X | ISBN-13: 978-0981874388 | Publication Date: June 15, 2009

Love and Pornography chronicles a couple's struggle to find the openness, honesty and integrity to deal with a subject that is detested by some yet captivating, even compulsive to others. The authors' compassionate nonjudgmental message will defuse the polarized dialogue around porn. Providing the tools to understand the needs on both sides, this ground-breaking approach promotes the insight and awareness necessary to move beyond the conflict and emerge with a relationship stronger, more loving, and more resilient than ever before.

Flash! Love and Pornography is the winner of the Silver Medal for Sexuality and Relationships in the Independent Publishers Book Awards for 2010. It was also selected as a finalist in the 2010 Book of the Year Awards by Foreword Magazine, a leading journal in the publishing industry.

Editorial Reviews

Review

This book is a stunningly honest and in-depth account of one couple's struggle with their radically different attitudes about the use of porn in their marriage. It is insightful for anyone unfamiliar with this issue and immensely useful for any couple whose relationship is affected by porn. Compellingly written, it will leave you cheering for this brave couple and inspired to work through any of your own similar conflicts. --Susan Page, author, How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together and Why Talking Is Not Enough

From the Publisher

Call it an addiction, compulsion, habit or harmless fun; porn is powerfully attractive to some yet repulsive to others. When porn disrupts your life, find hope, healing, and connection in this compassionate approach.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 212 pages
• Publisher: True Wind Publishing (June 15, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 098187438X
• ISBN-13: 978-0981874388
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.8 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #544,563 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Several years ago, Victoria and I were facing a challenge that almost derailed our engagement. By some definitions I was addicted to porn, but I was uncomfortable with that label; it didn't help me in understanding myself any better and I wasn't sure that it was true. Yet I could see that Victoria was really upset about it and that mattered to me. She was torn between her love for me and her concern for the harm she believed could be caused by pornography. I didn't want my actions to be a source of pain for her and she didn't want to restrict my choices, but we also knew that if we compromised ourselves to prop up our relationship our connection wouldn't last.

I asked Victoria to stick with me while I tried to understand what was so important to me about my attraction to porn. We committed to be open and honest with each other while we searched for answers. Why was I so drawn to porn? Why was it so upsetting for her?

We read books and scoured the internet. There were lots of explanations, anecdotal evidence, and one-sided arguments for and against pornography, but we found nothing that provided the answers we were looking for. We were only getting more confused until we stumbled upon this clarifying wisdom. "Viewing porn is an attempt to meet some basic needs. The upset and confusion is a sign there are needs also going unmet. Identifying and clearly understanding those needs, met and unmet, will give you the knowledge and awareness you need to make choices you feel good about."

Although we didn't fully understand it, this wisdom made sense to us and gave us hope that we could unravel our tangled emotions. But we were in uncharted territory; we could find no one who had approached the issue of pornography in this way. As our understanding grew and we discussed the subject with others, we realized there were many who could benefit as we did from this approach.

And so the idea behind this book was born. It chronicles our struggles and setbacks, as well as our progress and the discoveries we made about ourselves.

We now enjoy a connection that is happier and more satisfying than we ever thought possible. We hope our book, and our website at GetHelpwithPorn.com, will be helpful to you.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very good book about couple's communication, January 17, 2010

By 

C. H. Stinson (Greensboro, NC) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Love and Pornography: Dealing with Porn and Saving your Relationship (Paperback)

The main story in this book is about one partner's pornography addiction and the other partner's response to that addiction. As is true for several other reviewers, my primary relationship does not have problems with pornography. However, the deeper and broader value of this book is the illustration of how a couple can use supportive "nonviolent" communication to address a problem that is threatening to end the relationship. For me, the book's great value is in showing how a couple can successfully tackle a seemingly insurmountable problem. The book opens the possibility of creating a dialogue on how *our* relationship's problems are similar to what they dealt with, how we can adapt their approach to our situation, etc. I can imagine many couple will benefit from reading this together.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars About Much More Than Love and Pornagraphy, January 3, 2010

By 

Ann E. Wolman (Asheville, NC) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Love and Pornography: Dealing with Porn and Saving your Relationship (Paperback)

This book fell into my lap and I was amazed by how helpful and relevant it was to me even though porn is not a topic in my relationship. At the beginning I was caught up with the question of whether he would stop looking at porn or not. As the book unfolded I was less and less interested in the outcome and more and more interested in what I could learn about dialogue in intimate relationships. This book truly transcends it's supposed subject matter to reveal so many insights about awareness and honest communication. Anyone in a committed relationship ( which is most of us at some point in our lives ) can benefit from reading this. It offers a road map to a radically courageous and non-judgemental way to approach difficult issues between partners. I cannot recommend it enough to anyone wanting to work with the challenges of deeply relating to another person in an open, compassionate and loving way.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Canada Michele, July 25, 2009

By 

Sunshine "Sunshine" (Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Love and Pornography: Dealing with Porn and Saving your Relationship (Paperback)

This book is an amazing account of a couple struggling with a very real modern day dilemma. More than that, it demonstrates through their own story, love, courage and communication. You could replace the word "Pornography" with many other issues that challenge couples and learn a lot from this work. Victoria and Garry share their vulnerability so that others may benefit from their dedication to the process of Nonviolent (or open-hearted) Communication. Bravo!!!!!!!!