Customer Reviews

Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage

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My husband and I were on the brink. We didn't really have strong role models in terms of marriage, and after the honeymoon period, we struggled. Nagging, criticism, communication shut downs and feelings of rejection began creeping into the marriage. This book took an interesting approach: It helped us figure out our own personal issues, and then helped us work on the relationship. It took a lot of time and effort, but we put some of their ideas into practice, and now our relationship has never been better. I recommend this book with all my heart. I also wish you luck for whatever reason it is that brings you to search for this book.

"Love in the Present Tense" by Morrie and Arleah Shechtman presents ideas that are so intuitively obvious (at least in retrospect) that I found myself wondering why I hadn't written the book myself. With more reflection, I wondered why I hadn't been following their precepts for years. I suppose the answer, at least to the second question, is that what they propose is hard -- it demands more than probably most of us are willing to give. But having acknowledged the difficulty involved, I believe they have written the best "relationship self-help" book of recent years. They are "on to something", and the prospective reader would be well-served by finding out what it is.

This book takes a fresh approach at determining and explaining exactly what holds marriages together. We've all heard time and time again that love is the ultimate binding force, but Morrie and Arleah Shechtman assert that Shared Values are what keep relationships strong. They pinpoint eight core values that might be considered radical by some, but after reading and understanding, I have to agree with the authors.

This book is fantastic for everyone as it helps promote ways to improve upon all relationships, not just that of couples. If read with an open mind, suggestions are made for more effective parenting, listening, articulation/communication for all interpersonal interactions of our daily lives, not just with our partner/spouse. Real examples are used to aid readers in the application of the principles Morrie and Arleah suggest, including examples from their own relationship! Additionally, the manner in which "High Intimacy, Low Maintenance" is written allows for a quick read, as well as easy reference of chapters/concepts.

It is so refreshing to hear confirmation that codependence is not a healthy way of life, and that setting limits and boundaries is in fact not only self-preserving, but also begets positive relationships all around. So many people believe that more time equates to more intimacy, when in fact it is not quantity that is most significant, but rather the quality of the time spent.

I plan on buying quite a few additional copies to give to friends who I know would value the advice as much as I did. I love this book and plan to keep it close-at-hand for easy reference in the future; the next time I am experiencing tension in a relationship, I plan to refer to it to help get a fresh, objective perspective on it. Thanks Morrie and Arleah for having the `courage' to put your advise out there in an easy and fun to read book!

Let me began by saying although I love to read and have read many interesting fiction and non-fiction books, this is the first time that I've wanted to take my time to write a review. I read this book in less than 2 days because what I was learning from it was just that motivating to me. I found this book a wonderful tool in helping to learn more about the person I am. Many things I knew in some fashion but this book helped to put them into perspective and give me ways to better articulate them with others. Although I'm currently not married, I would highly recommend this book for anyone thinking about getting married. It would lay a wonderful foundation so, as a couple, you can formulate what you want and do not want for your marriage, starting with your common values and avoid mistakes that plagued many marriages today. As one reviewer wrote, I too plan to keep this book readily available so I can refer to it often, especially when I find myself over reacting to a given situation. This book was wonderful at helping to learn more about myself and be better prepared for marriage. I brought a copy for my boyfriend to read and when he's done, we plan to discuss it together so that we grow both individually and together.

With divorce rates so high in this country, it's about time for a new approach to relationship maintenance. The authors explain how personal growth, quality communication, and personal responsibility can keep marriages together. It's not all about love and all that feel-good hoopla. It's about personal accountability and growth. Kudos to the authors for digging down to the roots of good relationships.

The authors have done a great job creating a guidebook for how to get the most out of marriage while enhancing your own life. It is such a refreshing read. I found myself stopping to reflect on how each section of the book related to how I live my life and interact with my spouse. Further, I found this book also applies to relationships beyond marriage including business and throughout other personal relationships. Subscribe to the theory of plenty, take the risk and read this book, then live it! You will be happy you did!

The book arrived without a hitch...all the way to Australia. The information, although not all new to me, was exactly what I needed right now. It's easy to read, not so easy to implement...but hey, who said life is an easy ride all the time.

This book brings you down from cloud nine and into the reality of what marriage is really about. Once the honeymoon is over, many couples find themselves struggling to find a comfortable place together, which can be complicated and dramatic. The authors dispel many myths related to marriage and give couples the tools to make it last.

Love in the Present Tense is an incredible self-help book for people who are wanting to work on their own issues behind their relationship woes and not merely "pray" for a miracle. I HIGHLY recommend it.

The book discusses "Eight Myths" regarding healthy relationships.
Synopsis:

Myth: Opposites attract. A couple, in their differences, complements each other.
Reality: Great relationships require identical core values.

Myth: Love will carry you through the hard times in a relationship.
Reality: It is shared values that pull you through a crisis.

Myth: You need to work on your marriage if you want it to be good.
Reality: Relationships don't have problems; people do.

Myth: Selflessness and giving to others builds the best relationships.
Reality: Clear limits and boundaries build mutual respect and lasting relationships.

Myth: Unconditional acceptance of your partner is the foundation of a good marriage.
Reality: If you don't make demands on your partner, then you don't really care.

Myth: Frequent conflicts are a sign that a marriage is in trouble.
Reality: Your willingness to engage in conflict determines the depth and quality of your relationship.

Myth: Spending lots of time together is very important.
Reality: The best relationships are low maintenance/high intimacy.

Myth: Trusting your partner is essential to a good relationship.
Reality: It is trusting yourself that is essential.