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Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
 
 
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Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs [Hardcover]

Emerson Eggerichs (Author)
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (643 customer reviews) |
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Book Description

Publication Date: September 7, 2004
A Marriage Book with a Difference!

A Revolutionary Message
"I've been married 35 years and have not heard this taught."
  • "This is the key that I have been missing."
  • "You connected all the dots for me."
  • "As a counselor, I have never been so excited about any material."
  • "You're on to something huge here."
A Simple Message
A wife has one driving need-to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need-to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn't met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily, and biblically.

A Message That Works
Based on over three decades of counseling, as well as scientific and biblical research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, have already taken the Love and Respect message across America and are changing the way couples talk to, think about, and treat each other. What do you want for your marriage? Want some peace? Want to feel close? Want to feel valued? Want to experience marriage the way God intended? Then why not try some Love and Respect.

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Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs + Love & Respect Workbook: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs + The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
Price For All Three: $33.45

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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Discover the Single Greatest Secret to a Successful Marriage

Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find.

Today, you and your mate can start fresh with the ground-breaking guidance that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs provides in this book. His revolutionary message, featured on Focus on the Family, is for anyone: in marital crisis...wanting to stay happily married...who's feeling lonely. It's for engaged couples...victims of affairs...pastors and counselors seeking material that can save a marriage.

Using Dr. Eggerich's breakthrough techniques, couples nationwide are achieving a brand-new level of intimacy and learning how to: - stop the Crazy Cycle of conflict - initiate the Energizing Cycle of change - enjoy the Rewarded Cycle of new passion

And if you'll take this biblically based counsel to heart, your marriage could be next!

About the Author

Excited yet burdened about male and female relationships, EMERSON EGGERICHS launched the Love and Respect Conferences in August 1999 Emerson was the senior pastor or East Lansing's thriving Trinity Church before devoting himself full-time to building healthy marriages. Dr. Eggerichs has a M.A. in communications from Wheaton College, a Master's of Divinity from Dubuque Seminary, and a Ph.D. in child and family ecology from Michigan State University. He and his wife, Sarah, live in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and have three adult children. He is the president of Love and Respect Ministries.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 324 pages
  • Publisher: Thomas Nelson; 1 edition (September 7, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1591451876
  • ISBN-13: 978-1591451877
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.3 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (643 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #325 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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More About the Author

› Visit Amazon's Emerson Eggerichs Page
Emerson Eggerichs
Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah travel the country conducting the Love and Respect marriage conferences. Before launching Love and Respect Ministries, Emerson was senior pastor of Trinity Church in East Lansing, Michigan for nearly 20 years. Emerson received his B.A. in Biblical Studies and M.A. in Communications from Wheaton College and Graduate School. He was later awarded a Master of Divinity degree from Dubuque Seminary, and a Ph.D. in Child and Family Ecology from Michigan State University. Married since 1973, he and Sarah have three adult children. He is the president of Love and Respect Ministries and author of the best-selling book Love and Respect.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
286 of 315 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I thought the principal behind the book was something that will help virtually every married couple. My husband and I laughed at sections b/c we found some of the anecdotes so spot on to our daily lives. Eggerichs clearly explained to us why we keep going through the "Crazy Cycle." The Respect/Love needs in men/women is potentially a marriage saver or breaker.

I have 2 constructive criticisms of the book. I still recommend this book, however I do give these caveats:

1. This book talks as if men know how to love their wives. There may be a million books out there on how to do it, but we didn't have those. My husband and I were reading this one. And I grew weary of hearing how women needed to learn to respect their husbands. Frankly, I grasped the principal within the first few pages. After a few chapters, I felt like rolling my eyes a little. Because he paid so little attention to talking about how men should love their wives, it felt like that part was very trivialized. I understand that was not the point, however, the title was "Love & Respect", not just "Respect."

2. I would have liked more tangible examples of exactly what it means to "Respect" my husband. I want to do it. And he made it clear that "nagging, complaining, and whining" at him were disrespectful. But I need more examples. What are the active things I can do? Is it disrespectful to remind my husband to take the garbage out the night before? If it is, then how do I make sure the task gets done w/out reminding him? It isn't an issue of control, but I have to get the kids out the door in the morning and I need help and I need him to do this one thing. Make sense? I need to know how to have those discussions w/out disrespecing him.

I hestitate to use this as a small group book b/c it is so one-sided. And it tends to repeat itself. Again, I got the principal pretty quickly. And as good as it is, after a while, enough is enough. Another reviewer said it felt a bit like a brochure for the conference. That is exactly how I felt.

A good book? Yes. A helpful principle? Absolutely. A must-read? Maybe. But definitely helpful to a Christian marriage and therefore, I do and would recommend it.
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325 of 369 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
The good:

1) I like the connection between love and respect. Every time he says husbands need respect and wives need love, you have to translate that mentally into *both* husbands *and* wives need love *and* respect, but the basic premise is a good one -- the Christian understanding of love indicates an attitude of honoring, respecting, and blessing the other person.

2) The crazy cycle and reward cycle. This is one of the most important things most couples could learn. Our behaviors are self-reinforcing and good things to lead to more good things in a cycle. Likewise, bad things often lead to more bad things. The good news is that we serve a God of redemption and just as the gospel message teaches us that Christ breaks us out of a cycle of sin, God can redeem broken marriages and break them out of destructive cycles.

3) For *some* couples, a disrespectful attitude toward the husband or an unloving attitude toward the wife *is* the problem. For those relationships, I imagine they would benefit greatly from this book.

The not-so-good:

1) As mentioned by several reviewers already, the book is incredibly sexist. I started making a `W' in the margins when Dr. Eggerichs blamed the wife for the problem and a `H' when he blamed the husband. Skimming back through, it's about 90% W's. Just about any time he says something negative about the husband, you are almost guaranteed to get a follow-up sentence about how his wife's pettiness or nagging or belittling comments or criticizing or bitterness or whatever was really the root cause of the husband's behavior. At times, it was to the point I thought he was emasculating men by making us out to be powerless -- we can't take responsibility for our own behavior because every issue is probably our wife's fault anyway.

2) It's kindof a continuation of #1, but I honestly can't believe he found a man and a *woman* to blame the husband's marital infidelity on the wife. Finding a man who wants to justify his immorality by blaming his wife shouldn't be too hard, but Dr. Eggerichs found a woman who blamed *herself* for her husband's philandering. The idea that a man has so little control over his own actions that he is to be expected to wander if his wife doesn't `put out' often enough is just galling.

3) The narrowness of the focus. As I mentioned above, a disrespected husband or unloved wife is a problem for some couples. But there's lots of reasons marriages struggle, and disrespect is only one of the possibilities. Dr. Eggerichs doesn't acknowledge that at all.

4) He spends quite a bit of energy being defensive about it, so Dr. Eggerichs clearly realizes that the idea of unconditional respect has some problems. I honestly don't see the appeal of unconditional respect. If I want respect from my wife (which I most certainly do!), I will act in a way that *deserves* respect. Why would I demand her unconditional respect regardless of my actions unless I couldn't be bothered to earn it?
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142 of 171 people found the following review helpful
NOT THE SEMINAR ON DVD February 27, 2006
Format:Hardcover
This book includes a DVD that is a 30 minute book promotion. It is NOT the Love & Respect Conference. If you want the official Love & Respect Conference on DVD you have to order it from www.loveandrespect.com
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
awesome!
im getting married in june and readkng this beforehand has been such a blesing! when i am fjnshed my fiance will read it. such a blessjng to have even before marraige
Published 15 days ago by schrolltay
Life Changing
Life Changing. Best marriage book I've read since Act of Marriage. The C-O-U-P-L-E acronym is such a help. Also, one of the most insightful thoughts of the book is "respect". Read more
Published 18 days ago by Daniel J McCarty
Biased
This book is very slanted toward meeting the husband's need in order for a couple to have a healthy, strong marriage; equal weight is not given in examples or instructions on how... Read more
Published 21 days ago by C. Paul
Some true
Wife should respect husband spiritually. A church lady said that it took her 18 years to make her husband feel that he is well respected by her. It isn't easy. Read more
Published 25 days ago by Frank Ciao
Love and Respect
I haven't read the book yet, but I would say that wives should Also be respected, and Husbands should be loved. As a wife, I often feel disrespected. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Rose
Love her and respect him.
I Love this book. I am deployed and got this book at the Chapel. It's a very interesting book. I ordered this book for my wife and she is loving it also.
Published 1 month ago by chilmuk42
Great book!
This book is a great staple for any married couple. I ordered this book via kindle so no problems with shipping occured :-)
Published 2 months ago by ryandragovich
This is a must have
This book is a must have for people in a great marriage or in a marriage in shambles. Read the words on the pages and absorb the information. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Joseph E. Redner
Suggested Reading
Both my husband and I are reading this one--not often we'll be on the same page with something that is not a technical article. Not finished yet--highly recommended, though.
Published 2 months ago by R. Kiker
Every married person needs to read this
Great book. I have watched people go to Divorce Court because they didn't understand the subject matter of this book. If your marriage is hurting, get it right now and read it. Read more
Published 3 months ago by T. George
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Surprise Me!
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
You may remember how the Beatles sang, "All you need is love." Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
blue hearing aids, pink hearing aids, basic goodwill, unconditional respect, blue sunglasses, pink sunglasses, feeling disrespected, typical wife, respect message
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Crazy Cycle, Energizing Cycle, Rewarded Cycle, God's Word, Holy Spirit, Respect Test, Song of Solomon, Jesus Christ, John Gottman, Wheaton College, Aretha Franklin
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