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Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship [Paperback]

David Givens
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)

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Book Description

January 10, 2006
A world renowned anthropologist explores the non-verbal signs, signals, and cues human beings exchange to attract and keep their mates. As a medium of communication, Love's silent language predates speech by millions of years. Today, we still express emotions and feelings largely apart from words. The postures, gestures, and facial cues of attraction are universal, in all societies and cultures.

According to Dr. Givens, courtship moves slowly though five distinct phases: attracting attention, recognition phase, conversation phase, touching phase, making love. Since potential mates "test" each other before uniting as one, courtship is a choreographed give and take of signs granting physical and emotional closeness.

Love Signals is part enthnography and part how-to. Dr. Givens documents the little courting rituals witnessed in elevators, on subways, and in the workplace. He examines the essential role the face plays in courtship and how it can be optimally displayed. He decodes the body to find silent messages given off by shoulders, neck, arms, hands, waist, calves, ankles, feet, and toes. Dr. Givens analyzes expressive shapes, colors, and markings encoded in arm wear, shoulder wear, leg wear, and shoes. He deciphers the background messages of spaces, places and interiors to learn how environs help or hinder in the meeting process. Chemical cues emanating from aromas, tastes, steroids, sterols, and hormones strongly shape a partner's feelings, so they are explored as well.

The book suggests ways to flirt, avoid mixed signals, read eyes, walk, dress, and lift a drink—to help you find a date, spark a relationship, and keep a mate. Knowing the hidden vocabulary of love signals will give you an edge. The more you know about these secret skills of attraction, the more likely you will find a loving, lasting partner.

Frequently Bought Together

Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship + What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People + The Definitive Book of Body Language
Price for all three: $45.38

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Editorial Reviews

Review

Praise for Dr. Givens' on-line Nonverbal Dictionary:

"A masterful piece of work."
- American Library Association

"Highly recommended."
- New Scientist

"It's contents will enlighten you."
- Discover Magazine's "Pick of the Web"

"Site of the Day."
- Good Housekeeping

"Tells all you need to know--and much, much, much more."
- San Francisco Examiner "Website of the Week"

"Very interesting reading."
- Houston Chronicle

From the Inside Flap

Praise for Dr. Givens` on-line Nonverbal Dictionary:

"A masterful piece of work."
- American Library Association

"Highly recommended."
- New Scientist

"It`s contents will enlighten you."
- Discover Magazine`s "Pick of the Web"

"Site of the Day."
- Good Housekeeping

"Tells all you need to know--and much, much, much more."
- San Francisco Examiner "Website of the Week"

"Very interesting reading."
- Houston Chronicle


Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin; Reprint edition (January 10, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0312315066
  • ISBN-13: 978-0312315061
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #731,161 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
40 of 42 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars How to find your love - and keep it January 29, 2006
Format:Hardcover
This book is a blend of three parts: 1 - research studies on the subject of human behaviour, especially applied to courtship and mating; 2 - direct, field observations by the author; 3 - how-to manual to find a partner (how to wear, how to behave, how to speak, how to move... and so on).

I'm fascinated by human behaviour, I read other books on the subject. Soon after the purchase, I quickly delved into it. Although some of the studies described here are already well-known, others aren't - that's why appreciate it.

Did you know that courtship has five phases? They are: «(1) Attention, (2) Recognition, (3) Speech, (4) Touching, and (5) Lovemaking. Each phase has its own signs, signals, and cues. Since potential mates `test' each other before uniting as one, courtship is rarely hurried. Moving too fast - giving too many signals at once or showing them out of phase order - may frighten a partner away. Universally, patience is the key».

This a practical book. What's written here is feasible by everyone.

Caveat: when I say that what's written here is feasible by everyone, I don't mean this is an easy book. Many people will understand this book, but not everybody will. In this book, the author talks human behaviour, neuroanathomy, ethnography, anthropology; you find here things such as `conjugate lateral eye movements', `isopraxism'... and so on.

I think to this book as an example of the cultural divide - if you understand (and apply the findings of) this book, you have a wide advantage over those who don't understand it: but that's another story...

I give it four stars instead of five because here and there there are less interesting parts, the quality and the insightfulness of the prose is not even. Sometimes it's a rather dull reading.

Now, a few quotations:

"In courtship, palm-up gestures are psychologically friendlier than palm-down cues. (...) Our closest animal relatives, the chimpanzees, greet each other with compliant, upturned palms to show `I'm friendly'. For human beings everywhere, gesturing with an upraised, opened palm is a convincing and time-tested way to say `Trust me; I mean no harm.' Throughout the world, palm-up cues captivate, charm, and psychologically disarm partners who may be unsure of each other's intentions."

"(...) before speaking to an unfamiliar man or woman you [should] establish a baseline of familiarity. This prepares the partner by laying psychological groundwork in which a new relationship can germinate. Before you ask the nice-looking Safeway clerk for a date, go through the clerk's checkout line to build familiarity. Establish eye contact, smile, bow your head forward, head-nod in agreement, and show an open palm. Three visits in as many days activate the familiarity effect. The odds that he or she will agree to take an espresso break with you dramatically improve. Repeated physical proximity over short periods of time converts you from `just a stranger' to someone who is better known and `liked'."

"Courtship works on a principle of luring. Instead of chasing, cornering, and capturing a mate, you emit `come hither' signals and await a response. You hold back initially and play what amounts to a waiting game, in which lure, not seize, is the rule."

Enough said. To learn more, go have your copy.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Really great! February 16, 2006
Format:Paperback
Wow, what a fascinating book! When it comes to courtship among humans, the beginnings are all based on non-verbal cues - including posture, gestures and facial expressions. Everyone knows that first impressions are the most important, you really don't realize the impressions you are giving until you read this book!

Read this book to find out what you are saying about yourself through non-verbal communication, and what you can do to broadcast the message about yourself that you want to send. I found this to be a really great book, and I highly recommend it to everyone!

(Review of Love Signals : A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship)
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Codebook of Non-Verbal Courtship July 17, 2005
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
Dr. Givens presents us with a readable compendium of his research into non-verbal cues characterizing modern courtship. Although Givens rounds the bases on a number of topics, such as the importance of the face, the way & why we attract -- and why we are attracted to -- certain body types, as well as suggestions on how to remain together, the crux of the book is his discussion of the five phases of courtship: 1) Attracting Attention, 2) How to Read the Gleam in an Eye, 3) Exchanging Words, 4) The Language of Touch, and 5) Making Love.

At times, it is difficult to determine who the target audience is, especially when he juxtaposes scientific jargon and anthropoligical history with cue lists, anecdotes, & field notes --- this, however, shouldn't deter the would-be reader that shares Givens' perspective: "In courtship, knowledge is power. Knowing that gestures work better than words give you a clear advantage in finding a mate" (p.21).
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting but not captivatin
The book is informative and gives useful clues to sorting out some mysteries of human nature. The writing style did not captivate me, but it worked well enough.
Published 1 month ago by Stanley M Kanner
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting
Very intellectual, but interesting and it helped me make some adjustments which have so far helped! If you don't mind reading scientific terms, you will like it.
Published 1 month ago by M. Withrow
5.0 out of 5 stars Great!
The book was an excellent condition! I really enjoyed reading the book. The book is very descriptive and gives good scientific explanations! The price plus shipping was very cheap! Read more
Published 5 months ago by fenambo
4.0 out of 5 stars very good
it's very good ... .... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ./.. ,... ... ... ... ... ... .
Published 6 months ago by Jeffrey J. Budzek
5.0 out of 5 stars a solid good read
Whoda thunk there was so much non-verbal communication! This book is an interesting if not invaluable little read. Strongly suggested!
Published 6 months ago by michael t griff
2.0 out of 5 stars Promising scholarly paper... that falls sadly short.
An accidentally humorous scholarly paper on human sexual selection behaviors... based primarily on his own empirical research in the field, specifically Seattle and bits of... Read more
Published 16 months ago by Jrock-kodama
2.0 out of 5 stars Annoyingly heterocentric
While this book contains some interesting information, I couldn't help but be put off by how the author completely ignores gay people. Read more
Published 23 months ago by A. Hidell
4.0 out of 5 stars Review From A Professional Matchmaker
I would absolutely recommend "Love Signals" to anyone who wishes to enjoy the intellectual discussion behind the science and psychology of attraction and/or for anyone who wishes... Read more
Published on October 22, 2010 by Marni Galison
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Recommended guide to courtship, dating and relationships
This book provides great insights into the nonverbal communications that take place in relationships, the dating process and in courtship. Read more
Published on May 8, 2010 by Steven Chambers
5.0 out of 5 stars whoa
all the information in this book opened my eyes to the language of body language between people. this tells it all- makes everything crystal clear... and it makes sense! Read more
Published on June 9, 2009 by Holly C. Cooper
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