Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got [Paperback]

Dr. Phil McGraw (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 26, 2006

In Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got, bestselling author Dr. Phil tells people who are dissatisfied with their love lives to stop making excuses and start taking action. You deserve a committed relationship, and it is within your control to have the one you want. First, though, you need to determine what you want in a partner, plot your course, and get out there and create velocity in your pursuit of a loving connection.

In this book you'll learn to:

• Present the real you in the most flattering light. You have to stop being your own best kept secret.
• Peek behind the male curtain. Dr. Phil tells you things about men that they don't necessarily want you to know. How good is your Guy-Q?
• Master the right moves. Don't fade into the wallpaper; get noticed and get involved. If you are already coupled up then learn how to grow and nurture what you have built.
• Bag 'em, tag 'em and take 'em home. Learn how to negotiate the relationship you desire and then close the deal.
• Get out of your relationship rut. The daily grind, money problems, work, etc., can take their toll on your relationship. Dr. Phil shows you how to assess the state of your union and take your relationship to a deeper level.

There are no exceptions: There is somebody for everybody, and everybody deserves a relationship filled with love and excitement. Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got offers you the plan to find not just any relationship but the committed, loving, joy-filled relationship you've been waiting for.

Contact Dr. Phil at www.drphil.com

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

13-digit ISBN is 9780743272094 Targeted primarily at single women looking for a clear formula that leads in the direction of marriage, Love Smart also aims to refresh current marriages that feel a bit lacking. Whether readers find it helpful will depend partially on their sense of humor—Dr. Phil titles one chapter "Bag 'em, Tag 'em and Take 'em Home", a pretty fair example of the rest of the jokes and the general attitude of the book's advice. Marriage is what it's about, and the dating game has specific rules that, once learned, any "player" can use to succeed. While not quite as strict as the infamous The Rules, this is a manual that treats marriage as a prize, winnable only by those who regard old-fashioned rules as the only possible set.

An early exercise suggests that women make detailed lists of the qualities they're looking for in a mate; five broad categories cover everything from social skills to physical appearance. Once a clear picture is formed of the ideal partner, it all boils down to marketing. Dr. Phil discusses conversation skills such as developing "icebreaker" questions and even digs up some of the old-school techniques that suggest checking headlines just to offer up-to-date topics, and making sure to ask questions about your date, rather than revealing much about yourself. Suggestions for internet dating are included in a separate chapter, and later chapters go into specific questions that cover personal background and relationship history in great detail.

The combination of new school humor with old-fashioned advice will appeal to women who are looking for both a plan for partnership and goofy jokes to lighten the pressure. Dr. Phil offers both in spades. Jill Lightner --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Dr. Phil Mcgraw is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Ultimate Weight Solution, Self Matters, Life Strategies, and Relationship Rescue. He is the host of the nationally syndicated, daily one-hour series Dr. Phil. One of the world's foremost experts in the field of human functioning, Dr. McGraw is the cofounder of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., the world's leading litigation consulting firm. Dr. McGraw currently lives in Los Angeles, California, with his wife and two sons.

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Free Press (December 26, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 074329243X
• ISBN-13: 978-0743292436
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (112 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #253,073 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D., has worked in the field of human functioning and strategic life planning for over twenty years. Dr. McGraw is co-founder and president of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., America's leading litigation consulting firm, and has been associated with some of the highest-profile cases in the country, including Oprah's highly publicized "Mad Cow" case. A professional psychologist, he appears regularly on Oprah as her resident expert on human functioning. He lives in Dallas.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

93 of 103 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Loving yourself first... a guy's review., December 8, 2005

By 

L. Power "nlp trainer" (San Francisco) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got (Hardcover)

Dr Phil is spot on as usual.

This book is full of common sense. As you read you discover the great advice, which clearly is directed at women, yet much of it holds true for guys too. I can see how the strategies would work. As a guy I don't want to see all our secrets given away.

Among the many pieces of advice offered are have a life, overcome your own issues such as low self esteem, and learn to love yourself.

Issues can be overcome. After all, if you don't love yourself enough then you are relying on a guy for validation. How can you persuade a guy how fabulous you are if you don't believe it yourself.

That is not a permanent fix, at best its a dubious band aid. Guys know women with low self esteem are not good relationship material, so why do so many women say they have low self esteem. Go figure. The best thing is to be a self sufficient woman, be less available, have alternative plans. Give him the gift of missing you, if necessary. This creates mystery, which is a vital ingredient for developing a relationship. Less is more.

Letting go of seeking perfection in a man is excellent advice. If a guy has 80% of the qualities you are looking for, you should bag him, tag him, and take him home. My sister once dated a guy, and said 'if he had a chipped front tooth he'd be perfect.' So even perfection is not all its cracked up to be.

Develop an abundance mentality. Women search for 'the one'. There are many who fit the bill from a pool of billions to choose from. Let go of scarcity.

I thought the advice on bringing up the subject of marriage was particularly good, avoiding the ultimatum. Another book I read mentions that women have to bring up this subject almost 70% of the time.

The advice on date topics and questions is also excellent. There should be a rule about not talking about your job, the weather, and telling the story of your life like a history lesson, and conducting a date like a job interview. These are just routine, and guys get these types of conversations from their buddies. Excluding these topics forces you to be interesting. Talk about what excites you instead.

Unlike other bestselling dating books, I can see how this book would work, and the more you apply the concepts the better they will work for you.

Oh, and if you want to improve your ability to love yourself and others, I recommend Soul Love: Awakening Your Heart Centers (Roman, Sanaya) by Sanaya Roman, in which you use your imagination and work with your chakras. It literally is a heartwarming book. My number one recommend in this genre is Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. B.I.T.C.H means Babe In Total Control of Herself.

Hope this was useful.

71 of 82 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Loving and Being Yourself is Your First Smart Step, January 1, 2006

By 

Barbara Rose (BornToInspire.com) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got (Hardcover)

With genuine insight and a tell-it-like-it-is approach, Dr. Phil helps women re-claim who they are, from the inside out, the REAL you, and shares how to shine so that you can either attract the kind of man you would love to have in your life, or if you are in a relationship, how to improve it, grow through the hard times together, to make it a better and stronger relationship than it was before.

The whole wonderful key in this book is to BE WHO YOU ARE!

There are great ideas for meeting someone by going to places that you really like, and naturally, you will meet someone who shares your interests - and what a nice way that is to meet someone!

Another great point is that "100 % Mr. Perfect" does not exist. Everyone has quirks, personality differences, and if you meet someone who matches most of your preferences, ideas about life, similar views, without compromising on YOUR truth and integrity, then you stand a great chance of having a fulfilling relationship. So his 80 percent solution provides some great insight to better help you to create a great relationship with someone who does have 80% of what you are looking for, (as long as the other 20% brings no harm to you on any level) rather than pass up someone while you chase after the 100% perfect myth.

All in all, with respect to some of the negative reviews, I do not feel that Dr. Phil is pandering to anyone. Quite to the contrary, he is giving expert advice to women who can use a good dose of self love, self appreciation, and the confidence to be yourself so that you CAN attract the great match you deserve, or significantly enhance life with the one you are with!

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. author of Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE and Know Yourself: A Woman's Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence

23 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I need to learn to love smart!, December 12, 2005

By 

Janey Hensley (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got (Hardcover)

I think the title says it all. As Dr Phil says, dating is a game and we need the best strategy. I used to go in full force, leaving nothing a mystery. If I didn't get a call from HIM, I'd be phoning him 20 times a day. Forget caller ID and screening, I was determined that if he saw how into him I was, he'd be turned on. WRONG! I was, as Dr Phil says, screaming "desperate." I think all you ladies out there have been there...

What I needed was confidence in myself. Chapter 3 THE CHARACTER OF YOU really helped me get clear on who I am, which is the most important thing. I've done the "bait and switch," pretending to be the thing a guy most wanted, only to turn out to be a completely different person. IT NEVER WORKED. As you can see, I needed a new game plan, one that was based on being genuine. Dr Phil's message is all about that, and I LOVE THAT about this book.

Plus, it offers real strategies, ones EVEN I CAN USE. Like Infra-red Dating (the questions to ask to get to the core of him and where he's coming from without sending him running).

I needed this. Dr Phil has set me on a path towards coupledom. And in the process, I came to feel so much better about myself.