Customer Reviews

Love Smart: Find the One You Want- -Fix the One You Got

5 star:		(51)
4 star:		(23)
3 star:		(13)
2 star:		(8)
1 star:		(17)

 

 

Dr Phil is spot on as usual.

This book is full of common sense. As you read you discover the great advice, which clearly is directed at women, yet much of it holds true for guys too. I can see how the strategies would work. As a guy I don't want to see all our secrets given away.

Among the many pieces of advice offered are have a life, overcome your own issues such as low self esteem, and learn to love yourself.

Issues can be overcome. After all, if you don't love yourself enough then you are relying on a guy for validation. How can you persuade a guy how fabulous you are if you don't believe it yourself.

That is not a permanent fix, at best its a dubious band aid. Guys know women with low self esteem are not good relationship material, so why do so many women say they have low self esteem. Go figure. The best thing is to be a self sufficient woman, be less available, have alternative plans. Give him the gift of missing you, if necessary. This creates mystery, which is a vital ingredient for developing a relationship. Less is more.

Letting go of seeking perfection in a man is excellent advice. If a guy has 80% of the qualities you are looking for, you should bag him, tag him, and take him home. My sister once dated a guy, and said 'if he had a chipped front tooth he'd be perfect.' So even perfection is not all its cracked up to be.

Develop an abundance mentality. Women search for 'the one'. There are many who fit the bill from a pool of billions to choose from. Let go of scarcity.

I thought the advice on bringing up the subject of marriage was particularly good, avoiding the ultimatum. Another book I read mentions that women have to bring up this subject almost 70% of the time.

The advice on date topics and questions is also excellent. There should be a rule about not talking about your job, the weather, and telling the story of your life like a history lesson, and conducting a date like a job interview. These are just routine, and guys get these types of conversations from their buddies. Excluding these topics forces you to be interesting. Talk about what excites you instead.

Unlike other bestselling dating books, I can see how this book would work, and the more you apply the concepts the better they will work for you.

Oh, and if you want to improve your ability to love yourself and others, I recommend Soul Love: Awakening Your Heart Centers (Roman, Sanaya) by Sanaya Roman, in which you use your imagination and work with your chakras. It literally is a heartwarming book. My number one recommend in this genre is Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. B.I.T.C.H means Babe In Total Control of Herself.

Hope this was useful.

With genuine insight and a tell-it-like-it-is approach, Dr. Phil helps women re-claim who they are, from the inside out, the REAL you, and shares how to shine so that you can either attract the kind of man you would love to have in your life, or if you are in a relationship, how to improve it, grow through the hard times together, to make it a better and stronger relationship than it was before.

The whole wonderful key in this book is to BE WHO YOU ARE!

There are great ideas for meeting someone by going to places that you really like, and naturally, you will meet someone who shares your interests - and what a nice way that is to meet someone!

Another great point is that "100 % Mr. Perfect" does not exist. Everyone has quirks, personality differences, and if you meet someone who matches most of your preferences, ideas about life, similar views, without compromising on YOUR truth and integrity, then you stand a great chance of having a fulfilling relationship. So his 80 percent solution provides some great insight to better help you to create a great relationship with someone who does have 80% of what you are looking for, (as long as the other 20% brings no harm to you on any level) rather than pass up someone while you chase after the 100% perfect myth.

All in all, with respect to some of the negative reviews, I do not feel that Dr. Phil is pandering to anyone. Quite to the contrary, he is giving expert advice to women who can use a good dose of self love, self appreciation, and the confidence to be yourself so that you CAN attract the great match you deserve, or significantly enhance life with the one you are with!

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. author of Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE and Know Yourself: A Woman's Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence

I think the title says it all. As Dr Phil says, dating is a game and we need the best strategy. I used to go in full force, leaving nothing a mystery. If I didn't get a call from HIM, I'd be phoning him 20 times a day. Forget caller ID and screening, I was determined that if he saw how into him I was, he'd be turned on. WRONG! I was, as Dr Phil says, screaming "desperate." I think all you ladies out there have been there...

What I needed was confidence in myself. Chapter 3 THE CHARACTER OF YOU really helped me get clear on who I am, which is the most important thing. I've done the "bait and switch," pretending to be the thing a guy most wanted, only to turn out to be a completely different person. IT NEVER WORKED. As you can see, I needed a new game plan, one that was based on being genuine. Dr Phil's message is all about that, and I LOVE THAT about this book.

Plus, it offers real strategies, ones EVEN I CAN USE. Like Infra-red Dating (the questions to ask to get to the core of him and where he's coming from without sending him running).

I needed this. Dr Phil has set me on a path towards coupledom. And in the process, I came to feel so much better about myself.

I have never written an Amazon review so please bare with me. I have to say that I was so fascinated by Dr. Phils "The 80 Percent Solution" that I felt inclined to write a review.

He says "If the guy has 80 percent of what you want and potential to grow the extra 20 percent, you need to bag that boy up because he is good to go. Do not walk past him while you're looking for Mr. 100 Percent, because somebody else is going to marry Mr. 80 Percent and you are going to be standing there 60 percent sad and 40 percent frustrated."

This was almost like a new revelation to me. I have to admit that I have always been the gal that is looking for Mr. Right (the 100% Mr. Right, of course)! I am really enamored with this concept of Dr. Phil's. The reason I haven't find Mr. Right is because there is not anyone out there who is 100% right for me. Of course, I now realize this is something to work towards.

I am not giving up on my search to finding the one I want. I will only continue to look, yet look for Mr. 80%. This idea of Dr. Phil's is outstanding! I would recommend this to anyone who is still searching for the right one.

I think Dr. Phil did a pretty good job in this book covering useful ground for people seeking a partner. There is a lot of good practical advice here without a lot of jargon or some of the arrogance and oversimplification that is often typical of Dr. Phil's TV appearances and other books. I think Dr. Phil has some good things to offer in this book and it is diffent enough from some of the other pop psychology books out there to justify purchasing it. However, it is still a popular self help book and lacks the depth of some other books such as WILL OUR LOVE LAST by Sam Hamburg. In value it is comparable to some of the better books by Barbara De Angelis. At the least, it is complimentary and offers an alternative point of view. (I would actually give this a 3.5, if this was an available rating. It's a good beach or casual read where you might pick up some interesting ideas and even inspiration.)

I love Dr Phil. His advice is great and he really knows what he is talking about. I've had this book for a couple of weeks now, because for once, Australia got something first, and I'm almost halfway through and enjoying it as much as his other books. There are chapters such as The Character of Him, The Character of You, Your Guy-Q, Your Man Plan, Your Inner Bride and they are all helpful so far. My real review should probably come in when I put his advice to the test, but so far I like what I've read. He makes each topic fun with his sense of humour, but under it all is his usuall helpful hints. He really makes you think about the reasons we do what we do and why that type of lifestyle may not be working well for us. I really recommend this not only for Dr Phil fans, but for anyone either in a relationship rut who wants to up the ante or for anybody looking for that special someone.

I'm a Dr. Phil fan and I my learning style is primarily audio (through listening). I have the book, but my stepfather bought me the CD set for "Love Smart" for Christmas. I listened to it over the period of a couple of weeks while working out in the gym (6 disc set).

I feel that it was much better listening to him read this book, because he did a great job at conveying his message about how a woman should navigate herself in the dating scene with men. Throughout, he touched a little on what to do if you are already in a relationship, but not much. He also touched on internet dating nearer to the end.

He does honestly admit that he is generalizing men, and that all men are not like what he is describing or referring to. He was basing his opinions on years of his own professional experience in his practice. Throughout he reminds the listener to use his advice as a guide and to use basic common sense.

There was the voice of a woman who periodically gave some of the highlights which helped "bring the message home", tying together the points from each chapter Dr. Phil spoke on. Her voice was a fresh break from Dr. Phil's Texas drawl and occassional "fussing at you" (although I am from Texas and I am used to it).

A good read, but to me, a better listen.

This book symbolizes everything that is wrong with the self-help movement generally, and Dr. Phil in particular. As others have noted:

1. Its advice is derivative of such other McGraw books as Relationship Rescue and Life Strategies (though he'll willingly throw elements of his established formula out the window if he feels, as he evidently does here, that he can expand his audience by taking a new tack--which explains the "fix the one you're with" part)

2. Its advice is appealing in a commonsensical way, yes--but almost impossible to translate into a specific, step-by-step program for daily living. It's like the old Army slogan, "Be all you can be!" It sounds wonderful. But then what?

3. Aspects of the book are confusing and self-contradictory; it never really addresses THE pivotal question, "How do I know whether the relationship I've got now is worth fixing? Or am I better off trying to start over and 'find the one I *really* want'?" And in any case, how do you really know when a man has even 80 percent of what you want? When you get right down to it, how do you translate people (or that all-important quality, "chemistry") into percentages?

I could go on and on. The bottom line is, it's another supposedly enlightened riff on a universal theme that--in the end--defies quantification and the sorts of easy "solutions" provided here by Dr. Phil. What's more, Dr. Phil--being a very intelligent man--knows that human relationships are confusing, frustrating entities that defy facile analysis. Which means he also must know that his answers, as put forth here, are simplistic. Which means the promise of the book is insincere.

I have several single friends, so with them in mind, I read

Dr. Phil McGraw's LOVE SMART: FIND THE ONE YOU WANT--FIX

THE ONE YOU GOT.

It had a lot of good ideas in it, too . . . my only disappointment

was that it was geared primarily (if not exclusively) to women . . . I'd like

to see Dr. Phil write a follow-up book directed to men; however, that

said, I'd still recommend that guys read this book if only to get a

better understanding of what women are thinking.

Much of the advice contained is not earth-shattering . . . and has

probably been around for quite some time . . . yet that said, I like

how he points out that "if you think conversation should just flow

naturally, think again" . . . he then goes on to mention that he

prepares any time he is going to interview somebody, as

does Barbara Walters, Diana Saywer, Katie Couric, and Oprah.

And he suggests these icebreaking questions to ask within the first

ten minutes of your encounter with somebody new:

What's the most fascinating thing about your job?

Do you love what you do for a living or work to pay the bills?

What's your favorite book?

What do you like to do in your free time?

What is your favorite city you have ever lived in?

After an exhausting day at work, what is the first thing you like to do?

Which family member are you closest to?

What was the best concert you've ever been to? (Or even, What

was the first concert you ever went to?)

What is your favorite movie?

Do you have any pets?

What's the best vacation you've ever been on? (Are you a mountain

person or a beach person?)

There were several other memorable passages in LOVE SMART;

among them:

What I'm telling you is that instead of wasting time searching

for an exact match, look for the guy who is free of the deal breakers

and has 80 percent of what you do want in a partner. The other

20 percent you can grow. If the guy has 80 percent of what you

want and potential to grow the extra 20 percent, you need to bag

that boy up because he is good to go. Do not walk past him while

you're looking for Mr.100 Percent, because somebody else is going

to marry Mr. 80 Percent and you are going to be standing there

60 percent sad and 40 percent frustrated.

Self-disclosure should be used only 25 percent of the time. The other

75 percent should be listening.

Robin and I have a "four-minute rule." The minute I walk through

the door at the end of the day, I go and find her, say hello and talk

about our day. Those four minutes count. They set the tone for the

rest of the evening. Try doing this with your guy. It will make a

difference.

This book is absolutely, 100% fantastic! Love Smart offers a prescriptive element to find the man that you want. From identifying your character of you to defining your product Dr. Phil really helps one get a grip on their love life/dating life. This is a great book and I highly recommend it. I have read dating book after dating book. This one tops them all. I can't wait to put it all in action as I know I will see results.