Love in the Time of HIV: The Gay Man's Guide to Sex, Dating, and Relationships [Paperback]

Michael Mancilla MSW (Author), Lisa Troshinsky (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 2003

The facts of life have never been more complicated for gay men. While the threat of AIDS has been diminished by new treatments and longer life expectancy, HIV remains a serious and intractable foe. In this affirming guide, therapist Michael Mancilla, himself HIV-positive, helps fellow gay men, both single and partnered, pursue the happy and fulfilling love life they deserve. Readers will find advice on everything from meeting Mr. Right and talking about HIV status to building the long-term relationships that many never expected to have. Candid first-hand accounts reveal how others in the community are negotiating safer sex, overcoming legal and financial hurdles to plan for the future, learning to accept care as well as give it, and crafting the kinds of intimate relationships they want, whether that means casual sex, dating, or permanent commitment. Smart, honest, and insightful, this book is written from the heart.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Michael Mancilla and Lisa Troshinsky have written a well thought-out text on how to love with HIV/AIDS. Dating with HIV can be an emotional minefield. Issues of how and when to disclose are thick with anxiety; forming and sustaining relationships can be especially hard. Gay men have developed a number of approaches to intimate relationships, and the authors have provided a practical analysis that should allow readers to appreciate the pros and cons of each as they contemplate their own options. The book should be very helpful by itself to readers who want to explore these issues on their own; it should also be an excellent adjunct to therapy."--David J. Martin, PhD, Director, HIV Mental Health Services, Harbor-UCLA Medical Center; Professor, Dept. of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences, UCLA School of Medicine

"This is a useful and friendly guide to negotiating the changing rules of gay dating. Think of Love in the Time of HIV as a travel book. Mancilla and Troshinsky offer seven chapters of culturally sensitive advice for moving through a now-dark, now-bright country--where the rules and customs are constantly shifting with the uneasy terrain, and the smiles and stares of the inhabitants are to be read in turns with caution and hopeful abandon. A Baedeker for the weary and wary, Love in the Time of HIV, like all good guides, delivers on both the personal and practical levels. Stories from the road, including Mancilla's own anecdotes, keep the journey in constant motion and show a vulnerability and familiarity with the field which seronegative tour organizers would probably lack. And the many valuable resources included alone make this book worth the cover price."--Edmund White, author of A Boy's Own Story and coauthor of The Joy of Gay Sex

"This powerful book captures the complexities of relationships and sexuality for those living with HIV and those who love them. Although the disease is no longer seen as a 'death sentence,' it still has a tremendous impact on many men's lives. Mancilla helps readers navigate complicated issues and dilemmas and find the love and intimacy they want."--Vincent J. Lynch, MSW, PhD, Boston College Graduate School of Social Work

"Mancilla writes poignantly about love and intimacy, talking about his personal experiences as well as those of clients and others he met in his research. This book touches on many of the important issues that face gay men in the age of HIV: meeting, making connections, sex, dating, rejection, and commitment. A truly valuable contribution."--Daniel W. Hicks, MD, Department of Psychiatry, Georgetown University Hospital

"Over 20 years into the HIV/AIDS epidemic, this book is long overdue. It is a welcome gift for men venturing into the much-altered and challenging realms of dating, romance, love, and committed relationships. I highly recommend this wise, insightful, and useful resource."--Michael Shernoff, MSW, Columbia University School of Social Work and private practice, New York, NY

"Love in the Time of HIV provides a range of useful and accessible information for all gay men, regardless of their serostatus. Practical knowledge, cultural insights, guidance, and personal sharing round out a very complete resource for those seeking to navigate the complex world of modern dating and relationships. The author identifies and explores many facets of gay relationships with great concern, humor and understanding (such as having an HIV-negative author write the chapter for HIV-negative men). This book offers almost every gay man an opportunity to revisit dating and come away with an enriched perspective."--Lin Maslow, RN, HIV Clinical Research Nurse, San Francisco, CA

"Love in the Time of HIV insightfully examines the way that HIV has led gay men to rethink the nature of their relationships. Michael Mancilla and Lisa Troshinsky intelligently explore HIV-positive culture as an enclave within the larger gay world, while also demonstrating how HIV has saturated all levels of consciousness. Their sensitively crafted book brings welcome and long-overdue attention to a topic that should interest all students of queer culture."--Patrick Brennan, PhD, Humanities Department, Macon State College, Macon, GA

About the Author

Michael Mancilla, MSW, LICSW, is an openly HIV-positive psychotherapist who specializes in working with individuals, couples, and families affected by HIV/AIDS. He is a frequent presenter at national and international conferences. Mancilla's story of the impact of HIV on his relationship was the subject of a [i]Washington Post Magazine[/i] article and a CNN documentary, and was cited in a front-page story in [i]The New York Times[/i].

Lisa Troshinsky is a writer and editor in Washington, DC. She has reported on HIV/AIDS and gay and lesbian issues for [i]The Washington Blade[/i], [i]The Houston Chronicle[/i], and United Press International.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 235 pages
• Publisher: The Guilford Press; 1 edition (July 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1572308435
• ISBN-13: 978-1572308435
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,256,901 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Would have ranked it higher..., January 1, 2006

By 

True Blue (Austin, TX) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Love in the Time of HIV: The Gay Man's Guide to Sex, Dating, and Relationships (Paperback)

In a recent visit to a clinic for a vaccine study I managed to discuss the state of treatment with the last of the three most well-known experts in HIV and Aids here in Austin, TX. In appraising the situation he said one third of his patients were older gentlemen who had been living with HIV and Aids for over 20 years, and who had experienced bad side effects, resistance, and serious health issues. He said the other thrid were younger and on medications, who have limited side effects and who have great success with the medicines. He said the last third was newly diagnosed even younger men who currently show no viral load although testing as Positive for antibodies, and who are not yet on treatment...

This book would have been better if it addressed the second two thirds of the men my doctor mentioned - those living with HIV currently who do not fit the picture of devastation that the Right-dominated medical PR machine would rather talk about. This book seems to focus on only men for whom HIV and Aids is an extremely difficult health challenge, and I found myself wondering what era it was written in...? Though much of the intent and advice is great and very needed - it needs to be updated and brought into the current times.

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A book with a different viewpoint: There is Sex, November 29, 2008

By 

Joseph M. Palombo (Providence, RI United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

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This review is from: Love in the Time of HIV: The Gay Man's Guide to Sex, Dating, and Relationships (Paperback)

OK. NO, DON'T LET THOSE INGRAINED TOENAILS IN YOUR BRAIN ABOUT HIV MAKE YOU CRAZY BEFORE YOU READ ON. Stop spluttering before you're told to.
This book was written by an HIV+ man. His interviewees are pretty astonishing. I read it because I wanted to know what an HIV+ man might think about dating. I was particularly interested because I was briefly dating an HIV+ man and wanted to try to figure out what might be some of HIS options, and he's got plenty. I found out more than I ever expected.
If you are just making assumptions about doom and hanging heads and truckfuls of Saran Wrap in all contrasting relationships, you SHOULD read at least Chapters 1 and 3. You may learn something--which is why we read books, huh?

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Washington Blade Review, February 6, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: Love in the Time of HIV: The Gay Man's Guide to Sex, Dating, and Relationships (Paperback)

Michael Mancilla and Lisa Troshinsky provide a thorough roadmap through the often rough and complicated terrain of finding romance and relationships in the face of HIV.

Mancilla, an HIV-positive psychotherapist, feels passionately about helping HIV-positive gay men find and embrace loving relationships.

The authors address this topic by using a variety of techniques to engage readers, including personal anecdotes, highlighted text boxes, practical tips, quizzes, and numerous references to additional resources.

"Love in the Time of HIV" describes a new era in the history of HIV, one where the authors say HIV-positive men have the luxury of worrying about how to date against the backdrop of HIV, instead of just coping with short-term survival.