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Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of Hardcover – December 15, 2009


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Doubleday Religion; 1 edition (December 15, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0385529805
  • ISBN-13: 978-0385529808
  • Product Dimensions: 1 x 6.5 x 9.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (261 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #292,938 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. The Eldredges' newest book has bestseller written all over it. The pair addressed men and women separately in Wild at Heart (John) and Captivating (Stasi) and now put that knowledge together in a book on marriage. Christianity, they say, is a love story set amid war, with marriage a living, breathing portrait laid out before the eyes of the world so that they might see the story of the ages. For them, marriage is the perfect storm that brings together basic differences in men and women, individual styles of relating, sin, and brokenness. The Eldredges offer sound advice on topics such as the delights of companionship, understanding the enemy is Satan and not your spouse, finding your marriage's mission, taboo topics, and, yes, sex. They are honest and forthright, never skirting a difficult issue; instead, they offer hope, insight, and their own lives as examples of what God can accomplish. Their summation of marriage: It can be done. And it is worth it. So is this book. (Dec.)
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Review

Love & War: Finding the Marriage You’ve Dreamed Of

The Eldredges’ newest book has bestseller written all over it. The pair addressed men and women separately in Wild at Heart (John) and Captivating (Stasi) and now put that knowledge together in a book on marriage. Christianity, they say, is a love story set amid war, with marriage “a living, breathing portrait laid out before the eyes of the world so that they might see the story of the ages.”

For them, marriage is the perfect storm that brings together basic differences in men and women, individual styles of relating, sin, and brokenness. The Eldredges offer sound advice on topics such as the delights of companionship, understanding the enemy is Satan and not your spouse, finding your marriage’s mission, taboo topics, and, yes, sex. They are honest and forthright, never skirting a difficult issue; instead, they offer hope, insight, and their own lives as examples of what God can accomplish. Their summation of marriage: “It can be done. And it is worth it.” So is this book. 
--Publishers Weekly, Starred Review

“John and Stasi nailed it. This book opens to an untouched snapshot of a real, live redeemed marriage and closes with hope and hunger for our own. These two have proved again and again that they’re willing to put themselves out there for somebody else’s sake. Is it any wonder God uses them like He does? The moment we decide to throw more energy into fighting for our mate than with him, the crack of a fist on the enemy’s jaw splits the ears of angels.”
—Beth Moore
Author of Get Out of That Pit and Breaking Free


“John and Stasi Eldredge lead us into the heart of marriage...not as we always dreamed it would be, but as it really is... a relationship between two flawed individuals who are discovering together that marriage is difficult.  Their willingness to speak honestly about their relationship proves their point... that “loving costs everything but loving is always worth it.”  If you are willing to fight for the love and happiness God intended your marriage to provide, every chapter of Love & War will cheer you on!”
—Dr. David Jeremiah
Senior Pastor, Shadow Mountain Community Church
Founder & CEO, Turning Point
 
“I need help to grow as a husband.  I have written a few books on marriage, but I am never done reading, reflecting or wrestling with the issues that keep my marriage from being sweeter and deeper.  John and Stasi offer a courageous, honest, and compelling picture of what is involved in growing beyond one’s initial commitment and desire for intimacy.  This is a book of wisdom and hope for those who want more than mere complacency or convenience.  It is a beautiful labor that will move your marriage to far deeper joy.” 
—Dan B. Allender
Professor of Counseling Psychology, Mars Hill Graduate School
Author, Intimate Allies and To Be Told

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Customer Reviews

Like I said, you have to read this book.
D. Kinney
In their book, Love and War, John and Stasi Eldredge walk the reader into the larger story that God has for us in marriage.
Thankful one
If you are in a marriage or thinking about getting married, this is a honest and open book to help you along the way!
Stacy Gentry

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

74 of 78 people found the following review helpful By Ben G. Coleman on December 29, 2009
Format: Hardcover
I am a fan of John Eldredge's books. I like his writing style. I like his take on the message he conveys. I like his vulnerability. I like it that he is real. And in all of these areas, this book does not disappoint. "Love & War" is their best book to date!

One of the things I like best about this book is that it stands on its own. One does not need to have read or even be familiar with any of their other books to get what John and Stasi are saying in "Love & War."

Chapter 12 "Learning to Love" is among my favorite parts of the book. It is so refreshing and real to have a book that does not try to boil everything down to a 7-steps-to-being-perfect-like-me approach, so prevalent today. It felt so liberating reading the Eldredge's words without a strong dose of guilt and shame oozing out through the pages.

Many of us are so jacked up with our histories...sexually and in so many other ways. I'm glad John and Stasi tackled this, too. I particularly like it that they included some prayers to model in the Appendix, especially "A Prayer for Sexual Healing."

This book is the real deal! No fluff. No hype. No filler. For those of us who want more...desire more...in our marriage this is now my #1 recommended read.
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53 of 56 people found the following review helpful By James John Hollandsworth, M.D. VINE VOICE on December 28, 2009
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
This is the most honest book on marriage that I've ever read, and the one that has the most promise to be truly helpful.

I've read marriage books that basically say follow these principles, or just learn these handy techniques, and all your troubles will melt away. And I've read other well-meaning books that are some variation of a Bible lesson: here's what God intends for you to be as a godly husband and wife, so just obey all these verses to guarantee you a picture-perfect relationship.

John & Stasi Eldredge take a different approach: that marriage is hard, and that it is hard because of our own sin & brokenness, and that no principle, technique, or even Bible verse will magically fix the mess that is our souls. Eldredge writes, "So long as we choose to turn a blind eye to how we are fallen as men or women, and to the unique style of relating we have forged out of our sin and brokenness, we will continue to do damage to our marriages."

What is the solution? It is first to realize the nature of the battle and the nature of what marriage can be, then to let God use the crucible of marriage to change you, transform you into the holy man or woman that He has intended you to be, while battling against the Enemy. Eldredge summarizes it thusly:

1. Find life in God.
2. Deal with your brokenness.
3. Learn to shut down the spiritual attacks that come against your marriage.

Love & War contains a lot of Biblical wisdom, a lot of honest, hard, and humorous stories, and a lot of very blunt tell-it-like-it-is in-your-face challenges. It's unlike any other book on marriage I've come across, that lays out the true nature of the soul ugliness behind marital dysfunction, and shows a path to growth and healing. You need this book: for you, for your spouse, for your friends. Get it, read it, and have the courage to move forward with your marriage and your life.
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42 of 47 people found the following review helpful By Thankful one on December 15, 2009
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
A marriage that bears the signature of God's heart is an incredible gift, and it is worth fighting for.

In their book, Love and War, John and Stasi Eldredge walk the reader into the larger story that God has for us in marriage. With wisdom and transparency, they encourage the reader with the heart of Scripture and the stories of life. This is a book of hope that draws us to step out of the small stories and battles that often fill our lives, and into the more that God has for us in marriage.

Don't expect tips and techniques in this book that make it seem up to us to "do it right". Expect instead the courage to step into the larger, wonderful story of hope and love; expect also a call to be authentic with your heart and your life. From that place, God's love is compelling and can bring deep healing and new life.

The hope that is found in this book is not only for those who have lost hope in their marriage, though it is for them. It's also for those whose marriages are strong and for those who are just beginning on the journey. Perhaps also for those not yet married, because what this book does is to let us see and know more of God's heart of love for us all.

Don't miss this book, and after you've read it, don't hold onto it. Give it away -- everywhere you can. 20 years in ministry/23 years in marriage and I say "It's time" for this book and the access to life it brings.
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36 of 46 people found the following review helpful By Chris Meirose on January 18, 2010
Format: Hardcover
First, there are better books on marriage, especially ones with a biblical world view. But that said, this isn't one of the terrible ones either.

From what I have read of John Eldredge previously I knew two things - he is a very gifted writer, and theologically I don't fully jive with him at times, especially how he is prone to proof texting. With his popularity and influence I would love to see him do a better job of handling scripture. His Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul being my primary exposure to his writing.

I found this book generally enjoyable and useful, though there are a few quibbles I have with it. First the author(s) rely upon stereotypes a bit much. Granted, I fit the stereotype of men that they put forth, but still they could probably have done with fewer instances of relying upon that crutch. Second, I think at times they have an unfairly critical view of marriage and in a sense they chastise you if you don't share that same view. I'd agree that all marriages have shortcomings because there are broken sinful people involved, but I would explain it quite differently and less negatively.

My biggest gripe about the book is that there is a lot that seems to be recycled from Wild at Heart - taking away some of the freshness of this book for me. But, and this is the big but in the review, I suspect that they are hoping this book is a first exposure to John Eldredge for many of their readers. So while I didn't get personal benefit from some of that, I can see the reason for inclusion at least.

What I do really like about the book is that they are truthful in their view that every marriage needs work, that we are all broken and all regularly do things to screw up our relationships.
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