Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of [Hardcover]

John Eldredge (Author), Stasi Eldredge (Author)

Book Description

Release date: December 15, 2009

What the Eldredge bestsellers Wild at Heart did for men, and Captivating did for women, LOVE & WAR will do for married couples everywhere. John and Stasi Eldredge have contributed the quintessential works on Christian spirituality through the experience of men and the experience of women and now they turn their focus to the incredible dynamic between those two forces.  

With refreshing openness that will grab readers from the first page, the Eldredges candidly discuss their own marriage and the insights they’ve gained from the challenges they faced. Each talks independently to the reader about what they’ve learned, giving their guidance personal immediacy and a balance between the male and female perspectives that has been absent from all previous books on this topic.   They begin LOVE & WAR with an obvious but necessary acknowledgement:  Marriage is fabulously hard.  They advise that the sooner we get the shame and confusion off our backs, the sooner we'll find our way through.  

LOVE & WAR shows couples how to fight for their love and happiness, calling men and women to step into the great adventure God has waiting for them together. Walking alongside John and Stasi Eldredge, every couple can discover how their individual journeys are growing into a story of meaning much greater than anything they could do or be on their own.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. The Eldredges' newest book has bestseller written all over it. The pair addressed men and women separately in Wild at Heart (John) and Captivating (Stasi) and now put that knowledge together in a book on marriage. Christianity, they say, is a love story set amid war, with marriage a living, breathing portrait laid out before the eyes of the world so that they might see the story of the ages. For them, marriage is the perfect storm that brings together basic differences in men and women, individual styles of relating, sin, and brokenness. The Eldredges offer sound advice on topics such as the delights of companionship, understanding the enemy is Satan and not your spouse, finding your marriage's mission, taboo topics, and, yes, sex. They are honest and forthright, never skirting a difficult issue; instead, they offer hope, insight, and their own lives as examples of what God can accomplish. Their summation of marriage: It can be done. And it is worth it. So is this book. (Dec.)
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Review

Love & War: Finding the Marriage You’ve Dreamed Of

The Eldredges’ newest book has bestseller written all over it. The pair addressed men and women separately in Wild at Heart (John) and Captivating (Stasi) and now put that knowledge together in a book on marriage. Christianity, they say, is a love story set amid war, with marriage “a living, breathing portrait laid out before the eyes of the world so that they might see the story of the ages.”

For them, marriage is the perfect storm that brings together basic differences in men and women, individual styles of relating, sin, and brokenness. The Eldredges offer sound advice on topics such as the delights of companionship, understanding the enemy is Satan and not your spouse, finding your marriage’s mission, taboo topics, and, yes, sex. They are honest and forthright, never skirting a difficult issue; instead, they offer hope, insight, and their own lives as examples of what God can accomplish. Their summation of marriage: “It can be done. And it is worth it.” So is this book. 
--Publishers Weekly, Starred Review

“John and Stasi nailed it. This book opens to an untouched snapshot of a real, live redeemed marriage and closes with hope and hunger for our own. These two have proved again and again that they’re willing to put themselves out there for somebody else’s sake. Is it any wonder God uses them like He does? The moment we decide to throw more energy into fighting for our mate than with him, the crack of a fist on the enemy’s jaw splits the ears of angels.”
—Beth Moore
Author of Get Out of That Pit and Breaking Free


“John and Stasi Eldredge lead us into the heart of marriage...not as we always dreamed it would be, but as it really is... a relationship between two flawed individuals who are discovering together that marriage is difficult.  Their willingness to speak honestly about their relationship proves their point... that “loving costs everything but loving is always worth it.”  If you are willing to fight for the love and happiness God intended your marriage to provide, every chapter of Love & War will cheer you on!”
—Dr. David Jeremiah
Senior Pastor, Shadow Mountain Community Church
Founder & CEO, Turning Point
 
“I need help to grow as a husband.  I have written a few books on marriage, but I am never done reading, reflecting or wrestling with the issues that keep my marriage from being sweeter and deeper.  John and Stasi offer a courageous, honest, and compelling picture of what is involved in growing beyond one’s initial commitment and desire for intimacy.  This is a book of wisdom and hope for those who want more than mere complacency or convenience.  It is a beautiful labor that will move your marriage to far deeper joy.” 
—Dan B. Allender
Professor of Counseling Psychology, Mars Hill Graduate School
Author, Intimate Allies and To Be Told

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Doubleday Religion; 1 edition (December 15, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385529805
• ISBN-13: 978-0385529808
• Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1 x 9.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (228 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #300,084 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

John Eldredge is an author (you probably figured that out), a counselor, and teacher. He is also president of Ransomed Heart, a ministry devoted to helping people discover the heart of God, recover their own heart in his love, and learn to live in his Kingdom. John grew up in the suburbs of Los Angeles (which he hated), and spent his boyhood summers on his grandfather's cattle ranch in eastern Oregon (which he loved). John met his wife Stasi in high school (in drama class). But their romance did not begin until they each came to faith in Christ, after high school. John earned his undergraduate degree in Theater at Cal Poly, and directed a theater company in Los Angeles for several years before moving to Colorado with Focus on the Family, where he taught at the Focus on the Family Institute.

John earned his master's degree in Counseling from Colorado Christian University, under the direction of Larry Crabb and Dan Allender. He worked as a counselor in private practice before launching Ransomed Heart in 2000. John and Stasi live in Colorado Springs with their three sons (Samuel, Blaine and Luke), their golden retriever (Oban), and two horses (Whistle and Kokolo). While all of this is factually true, it somehow misses describing an actual person. He loves the outdoors passionately, and all beauty, Shakespeare, bow hunting, a good cigar, anything having to do with adventure, poetry, March Madness, working in the shop, fly fishing, classic rock, the Tetons, fish tacos, George MacDonald, green tea, buffalo steaks, dark chocolate, wild and open places, horses running, and too much more to name. He also uses the expression "far out" way too much.

Amazon Author Rankbeta 

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#43 in Books > Religion & Spirituality

#91 in Kindle eBooks > Religion & Spirituality

#43 in Books > Religion & Spirituality

#91 in Kindle eBooks > Religion & Spirituality

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

72 of 76 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Eldredge's Best Work Yet! December 29, 2009

By Ben G. Coleman

Format:Hardcover

I am a fan of John Eldredge's books. I like his writing style. I like his take on the message he conveys. I like his vulnerability. I like it that he is real. And in all of these areas, this book does not disappoint. "Love & War" is their best book to date!

One of the things I like best about this book is that it stands on its own. One does not need to have read or even be familiar with any of their other books to get what John and Stasi are saying in "Love & War."

Chapter 12 "Learning to Love" is among my favorite parts of the book. It is so refreshing and real to have a book that does not try to boil everything down to a 7-steps-to-being-perfect-like-me approach, so prevalent today. It felt so liberating reading the Eldredge's words without a strong dose of guilt and shame oozing out through the pages.

Many of us are so jacked up with our histories...sexually and in so many other ways. I'm glad John and Stasi tackled this, too. I particularly like it that they included some prayers to model in the Appendix, especially "A Prayer for Sexual Healing."

This book is the real deal! No fluff. No hype. No filler. For those of us who want more...desire more...in our marriage this is now my #1 recommended read.

46 of 49 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The Most Honest Book on Marriage I Have Read December 28, 2009

By James John Hollandsworth, M.D. VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

This is the most honest book on marriage that I've ever read, and the one that has the most promise to be truly helpful.

I've read marriage books that basically say follow these principles, or just learn these handy techniques, and all your troubles will melt away. And I've read other well-meaning books that are some variation of a Bible lesson: here's what God intends for you to be as a godly husband and wife, so just obey all these verses to guarantee you a picture-perfect relationship.

John & Stasi Eldredge take a different approach: that marriage is hard, and that it is hard because of our own sin & brokenness, and that no principle, technique, or even Bible verse will magically fix the mess that is our souls. Eldredge writes, "So long as we choose to turn a blind eye to how we are fallen as men or women, and to the unique style of relating we have forged out of our sin and brokenness, we will continue to do damage to our marriages."

What is the solution? It is first to realize the nature of the battle and the nature of what marriage can be, then to let God use the crucible of marriage to change you, transform you into the holy man or woman that He has intended you to be, while battling against the Enemy. Eldredge summarizes it thusly:

1. Find life in God.
2. Deal with your brokenness.
3. Learn to shut down the spiritual attacks that come against your marriage.

Love & War contains a lot of Biblical wisdom, a lot of honest, hard, and humorous stories, and a lot of very blunt tell-it-like-it-is in-your-face challenges. It's unlike any other book on marriage I've come across, that lays out the true nature of the soul ugliness behind marital dysfunction, and shows a path to growth and healing. You need this book: for you, for your spouse, for your friends. Get it, read it, and have the courage to move forward with your marriage and your life.

37 of 42 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Accessible Hope December 15, 2009

By Thankful one

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

A marriage that bears the signature of God's heart is an incredible gift, and it is worth fighting for.

In their book, Love and War, John and Stasi Eldredge walk the reader into the larger story that God has for us in marriage. With wisdom and transparency, they encourage the reader with the heart of Scripture and the stories of life. This is a book of hope that draws us to step out of the small stories and battles that often fill our lives, and into the more that God has for us in marriage.

Don't expect tips and techniques in this book that make it seem up to us to "do it right". Expect instead the courage to step into the larger, wonderful story of hope and love; expect also a call to be authentic with your heart and your life. From that place, God's love is compelling and can bring deep healing and new life.

The hope that is found in this book is not only for those who have lost hope in their marriage, though it is for them. It's also for those whose marriages are strong and for those who are just beginning on the journey. Perhaps also for those not yet married, because what this book does is to let us see and know more of God's heart of love for us all.

Don't miss this book, and after you've read it, don't hold onto it. Give it away -- everywhere you can. 20 years in ministry/23 years in marriage and I say "It's time" for this book and the access to life it brings.