Customer Reviews

Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of

5 star:		(146)
4 star:		(40)
3 star:		(17)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I am a fan of John Eldredge's books. I like his writing style. I like his take on the message he conveys. I like his vulnerability. I like it that he is real. And in all of these areas, this book does not disappoint. "Love & War" is their best book to date!

One of the things I like best about this book is that it stands on its own. One does not need to have read or even be familiar with any of their other books to get what John and Stasi are saying in "Love & War."

Chapter 12 "Learning to Love" is among my favorite parts of the book. It is so refreshing and real to have a book that does not try to boil everything down to a 7-steps-to-being-perfect-like-me approach, so prevalent today. It felt so liberating reading the Eldredge's words without a strong dose of guilt and shame oozing out through the pages.

Many of us are so jacked up with our histories...sexually and in so many other ways. I'm glad John and Stasi tackled this, too. I particularly like it that they included some prayers to model in the Appendix, especially "A Prayer for Sexual Healing."

This book is the real deal! No fluff. No hype. No filler. For those of us who want more...desire more...in our marriage this is now my #1 recommended read.

This is the most honest book on marriage that I've ever read, and the one that has the most promise to be truly helpful.

I've read marriage books that basically say follow these principles, or just learn these handy techniques, and all your troubles will melt away. And I've read other well-meaning books that are some variation of a Bible lesson: here's what God intends for you to be as a godly husband and wife, so just obey all these verses to guarantee you a picture-perfect relationship.

John & Stasi Eldredge take a different approach: that marriage is hard, and that it is hard because of our own sin & brokenness, and that no principle, technique, or even Bible verse will magically fix the mess that is our souls. Eldredge writes, "So long as we choose to turn a blind eye to how we are fallen as men or women, and to the unique style of relating we have forged out of our sin and brokenness, we will continue to do damage to our marriages."

What is the solution? It is first to realize the nature of the battle and the nature of what marriage can be, then to let God use the crucible of marriage to change you, transform you into the holy man or woman that He has intended you to be, while battling against the Enemy. Eldredge summarizes it thusly:

1. Find life in God.
2. Deal with your brokenness.
3. Learn to shut down the spiritual attacks that come against your marriage.

Love & War contains a lot of Biblical wisdom, a lot of honest, hard, and humorous stories, and a lot of very blunt tell-it-like-it-is in-your-face challenges. It's unlike any other book on marriage I've come across, that lays out the true nature of the soul ugliness behind marital dysfunction, and shows a path to growth and healing. You need this book: for you, for your spouse, for your friends. Get it, read it, and have the courage to move forward with your marriage and your life.

A marriage that bears the signature of God's heart is an incredible gift, and it is worth fighting for.

In their book, Love and War, John and Stasi Eldredge walk the reader into the larger story that God has for us in marriage. With wisdom and transparency, they encourage the reader with the heart of Scripture and the stories of life. This is a book of hope that draws us to step out of the small stories and battles that often fill our lives, and into the more that God has for us in marriage.

Don't expect tips and techniques in this book that make it seem up to us to "do it right". Expect instead the courage to step into the larger, wonderful story of hope and love; expect also a call to be authentic with your heart and your life. From that place, God's love is compelling and can bring deep healing and new life.

The hope that is found in this book is not only for those who have lost hope in their marriage, though it is for them. It's also for those whose marriages are strong and for those who are just beginning on the journey. Perhaps also for those not yet married, because what this book does is to let us see and know more of God's heart of love for us all.

Don't miss this book, and after you've read it, don't hold onto it. Give it away -- everywhere you can. 20 years in ministry/23 years in marriage and I say "It's time" for this book and the access to life it brings.

First, there are better books on marriage, especially ones with a biblical world view. But that said, this isn't one of the terrible ones either.

From what I have read of John Eldredge previously I knew two things - he is a very gifted writer, and theologically I don't fully jive with him at times, especially how he is prone to proof texting. With his popularity and influence I would love to see him do a better job of handling scripture. His Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul being my primary exposure to his writing.


I found this book generally enjoyable and useful, though there are a few quibbles I have with it. First the author(s) rely upon stereotypes a bit much. Granted, I fit the stereotype of men that they put forth, but still they could probably have done with fewer instances of relying upon that crutch. Second, I think at times they have an unfairly critical view of marriage and in a sense they chastise you if you don't share that same view. I'd agree that all marriages have shortcomings because there are broken sinful people involved, but I would explain it quite differently and less negatively.


My biggest gripe about the book is that there is a lot that seems to be recycled from Wild at Heart - taking away some of the freshness of this book for me. But, and this is the big but in the review, I suspect that they are hoping this book is a first exposure to John Eldredge for many of their readers. So while I didn't get personal benefit from some of that, I can see the reason for inclusion at least.


What I do really like about the book is that they are truthful in their view that every marriage needs work, that we are all broken and all regularly do things to screw up our relationships. Marriage is indeed hard work, but it is worthwhile work. I think they do a good job of arguing that we cannot expect our spouses to complete us or heal us. While it sounded good in Jerry McGuire, you don't really complete me.

Love and War is one of the best books on marriage that I have read. Unlike many other books written to help one change actions only, this book reveals to readers the spiritual aspects of marriage. Most importantly, that Satan wants marriage to fail and having a loving, Godly marriage requires diligent Spiritual Warfare. Love and War is co-authored by a husband and wife and can be read individually or together as a couple. I am so thankful for the hope and renewal the Eldridges reveal is possible for every marriage. I also appreciate reading the differing perspectives written from the hearts of this man and his wife. They are candid, and humble, and very easy to relate with. This book is a powerful tool! Read it and pray. And pray. And pray. Our God is an awesome God who wants every marriage to be amazing. Love and War will help you build up your covenant spiritually-which will lead to improvement in every aspect of your marriage. 10 thumbs up!


This was book was provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah.

This book is VERY good. VERY insightful. It is a Christian book about marriage, and it talks all about what God intended marriage to be. It was an eye-opener, insofar as it really helped me see why Satan is trying to hard to undermine marriage - not only by attacking intact marriage, but also by convincing people that it's irrelevant and by perverting something beautiful created by God himself.

I have considered myself blessed in my marriage. My husband and I are a great match, and we seem to be in an awesome place. This book served as a reminder that this likely is the calm before the storm. Satan's not going to let us revel in our harmonious marriage long before striking and attempting to destroy what we have. This book has made me more watchful, more mindful, and more prayerful.

I highly recommend this book to all married couples, all engaged couples, AND anyone who wants to get married someday. There are issues from our past that can greatly affect our marriages. This book tells us how to defeat those - and I figure you don't have to wait until you're married/engaged to start fighting those battles!

Marriage is hard. Ask anyone who is, or has been, married and you'll most likely hear some variation on that sentiment. It's true. It takes work. It's not for the weak, nor the lazy. To make your marriage really work, to find joy in your companion, to do more than just co-exist, you have to be active.

In Love and War, John and Stasi Eldredge discuss their marriage and what they've learned through hard work and many years of actively seeking to understand each other. I do like that they presented both of their takes on situations, what they were thinking and how a misunderstanding affected each of them.

That said, the book is heavy on traditional gender roles based on the Bible and Christian traditions. While there's not anything wrong with that, it's not always in line with my own personal beliefs. But I still found plenty of things to take away from the book, mostly being in the form of pondering how I act (and react to things) in my marriage. Am I thinking about the best interests of our relationship in things I do and say? Am I really listening to what my partner wants, or do I just hear what I think he wants?

It earns a solid 3 stars from me. It was easy to read and understand and I think I learned a few things from it. (Disclosure: I received a review copy of the book from the publisher.)

I've read pretty much all of Eldredge's previous books, so was looking forward to his latest. The thesis of LOVE AND WAR is essentially just that, that marriage is a love story in the middle of a real spiritual war.

John and Stasi have several good points in the book, including:

The bedrock of marriage is companionship
When men fail, they tend to be either too passive and silent or domineering
When women fail, they tend to be either controlling or needy

I liked John's definition of marriage: "..2 guarded people managing their disappointment, negotiating for better terms through a DMZ they call marriage."

The Eldredge's write together honestly and openly as a couple, but throughout the book sometimes it's very hard to tell which one of them is talking. It would've been better to have just one person do the writing. Back and forth identification of the person speaking got to be a bit taxing after the first 80 pages or so.

The only other problem I had with the book is toward the end, when it's said that those persons who choose not to get married are "fundamentally selfish." That's an unfortunate statement and one that shouldn't have been made. Some people are called to the single life, and to say those people are selfish persons in God's kingdom is simply not a statement any human being can make. Only God can judge hearts.

Overall, a good read with lots of good ideas to strengthen marriages.

I'll confess up front that my wife and I are long-time fans
of John & Staci. The Lord did a wonderful work in our lives
through Wild at Heart and Waking the Dead. When we found out
that John and Stasi were putting out a book on marriage,
we weren't surprised - it seemed like such a natural progression
of their writing.

We have been enjoying the audio podcasts previewing
Love and War over the past several months (subscribe to their
podcast on iTunes). My wife and I would have
time together in the car driving somewhere, play the
podcast, and hit pause whenever one of us wanted to
discuss a particular point. Let's just say the conversation
never lacked...

So when Love and War actually was released, it was a natural
desire to continue the "conversation" between John and Staci
and my wife and me. The audiobook is unabridged and is
READ by John and Staci - what a wonderful gift to have them
actually read their own book. All the feelings and emotions
come through loud and clear. This is not fiction! This is real
life and listening to John & Stasi is like having them in
our living room sharing real counsel gleaned from
their own life experiences. This is pretty raw stuff.
I wish someone had said these things to me during premarital
counseling (not that I would have gotten it at the time!)

I only drive 23 minutes to work, door-to-door. Still, that's
40+ minutes each day that I use wisely by listening
to books in my car; my wife can listen to Love and War at home;
and then when I get home, we both have stuff we want to
talk about. These are the conversations that the Lord is using
to strengthen our own marriage.

My wife and I have been married for 21 years. Young love will
only get a couple so far. When life turns sour and the questions
come about sticking it out, working it out, for better or for worse -
good intentions aren't enough. We need Godly wisdom from those
that have made it through rough waters. Enough of the tips and
techniques in our shallow culture!
There's no slick marketing here. Just John & Stasi sharing
from their own lives and their own struggles - how we, too,
can have the marriage we've always dreamed of.

My marriage, with years of amazing highs and desperate lows,
is a testament to this premise echoed in Love and War:
God has given us the arena of marriage to transform us into
the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. God created marriage,
God blesses marriage, and God wants us to have a great marriage
for His glory in the world.

Love and War strengthened my love for my wife and my love for the Lord.

Thanks John & Staci!

My husband and I just got married in July 2011. We are currently not together physically because we are both military and I am deployed. We have had our rough patches through dating and decided that we wanted to give our marriage the best chance. My husband is a big fan of John Eldredge so he picked these books up for us and shipped mine to me. We read the chapters together and then wrote our remarks to each other and it worked out amazingly for us these last few months. This book helped us to see many things in our marriage and gave us tools that I believe will help up to maintain a strong marriage.