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Love Works Like This: Moving from One Kind of Life to Another [Hardcover]

Lauren Slater
3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)


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Book Description

May 14, 2002
“Is even the most clenched heart capable of it?” Lauren Slater asks about love, in this original, eloquent, and illuminating book about how we discover what love truly is. Slater, career-oriented and willfully autonomous, charts her own personal journey and decision-making process, starting with a list of the pros and cons, about having a child. The cons are many, the pros only one: “learning a new kind of love.” But what will that love look like? How does one reconcile the needs of the self with the demands of others? How do couples go from the dyad that is a marriage to the triad that is a family? And how can Slater adjust to losing precious control of her own carefully developed life?

Slater’s complex biological and psychological history also lies at the core of this unique and yet strikingly universal story. One of the first people ever to take Prozac, she chronicles the impossibly conflicting advice regarding pregnancy and antidepressants, and explains the rationale behind her eventual decision to stop taking the medication during her first trimester. This is Slater’s first encounter with self-sacrifice, and for her a crossroad at which modern medicine and basic human love meet.

Love Works Like This is a richly written book by “an enormously poetic and ebullient writer” (Elle magazine), an author who writes with “beauty and bravery” (Los Angeles Times Book Review) about falling in love, about growing into the ability to put someone else’s life ahead of your own, and about the rich rewards we can draw from the courage to exchange one kind of happy life for another.


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Pregnant women will find much food for thought in Lauren Slater's Love Works Like This: Opening One's Life to a Child. Psychologist Slater (Prozac Diary) remembers how she made the decision to have a child. She made a list of pros and cons, and upon siding with the only "pro" ("learning a new kind of love"), began the journey toward motherhood. In a diary-like format, she tells of her violent mood swings, disturbed appetite and uncertainty at holding a child's dress in her hands and "finding it definitely not cute." Largely a personal, biological and psychological history, Slater's book is ultimately uplifting.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Slater (Prozac Diary) prefaces her latest work by emphasizing that it is a "travelog" rather than a diary. This results from her choice of format: an abridged daily planner charting the expansion of her belly, the age of the fetus, and the sometimes beautiful, sometimes scary thoughts of a woman whose life is slowly changing. At the heart of this piercing memoir is Slater's struggle to become a mother in the face of bipolar disorder. At once sad and miraculous, the text reveals the quandary an expectant mother faces when she must take drugs that could harm the unborn child (she stopped taking Prozac during the first trimester but then resumed). It is clear that Slater wrote this not only for women like herself but also for her daughter. In the end, she realized that having a child was as important to maintaining a normal life as was her medication. An original take on an oft-discussed subject, this is highly recommended for all pregnancy and mental health collections.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 208 pages
  • Publisher: Random House; First Edition edition (May 14, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0375503765
  • ISBN-13: 978-0375503764
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.2 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,038,838 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

LAUREN SLATER is the author of "The $60,000 Dog: My Life with Animals" (Beacon Press, 2012). A psychologist and writer, Slater is the author of five books of nonfiction: Welcome to My Country, Prozac Diary, Lying: A Metaphorical Memoir, Love Works Like This, and Opening Skinner's Box, as well as a collection of short stories, Blue Beyond Blue. Slater has received numerous awards, including a 2004 National Endowment for the Arts award, multiple inclusions in Best American volumes, and a Knight Science Journalism Fellowship at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Photographer Photo Credit Name: Dianne Newton, 2012.

Customer Reviews

3.7 out of 5 stars
(15)
3.7 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
10 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful and Beautifully Written June 16, 2004
By tharp83
Format:Hardcover
As a new mom, I loved this book. It beautifully described the changes and upheavals that becoming a mother has brought to my life. While I wasn't on depressants, I too had a difficult pregnancy which I'm still coping with emotionally and physically. I too was on a variety of medications throughout the pregnancy. But the depression and medication worries are only a small part of the story in this book. If you're looking for Prozac Diaries part II as one reviewer seems to have, you're looking in the wrong place.

I too have never known that I could love this deeply, that a single smile from my baby girl would be worth more than anything I've done in my 38 years. No other writer has come close to describing the way I feel as if every molecule in my body has been rearranged. In particular her comment "Fatherhood is something you do, Motherhood is something you are" struck me. I've been fundamentally changed in so many ways that I never expected and ironically, I don't even care. I read the book thinking, "Wow! Someone has decribed how exactly how I feel and now I don't have to do it myself." She's written the book I wished I could but in prose that's so much more beautiful than anything I could have mustered.

I don't understand the reviewers who criticized her so much. Perhaps it was a father who was offended by how much the father was left out of her story. This was a story of the emotional changes involved in becoming a mother who struggled with some of the difficulties that no one tells you about.

Lastly, several of her observations have stayed with me. Like the thought that pregnancy should carry a warning label. As she points out, with all it's side effects, if it were a drug the FDA would classify it as highly dangerous. And the information that fetal cells remain in a woman's body for her entire life... parts of each child remain part of her physically in addition to emotionally ... explains so much to me now as a new mom.

I've been buying it for all my pregnant friends and new moms and we've all loved it and found it remarkable.

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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Honest and Informative April 25, 2003
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
I've enjoyed other works of Lauren Slater, and this was no exception. It takes courage to write about the experiences she's had emotionally. Especially when it involves being heartfelt and honest about the giant step of having a baby.

Anyone who is pregnant or plans to become pregnant should read this book regardless of whether or not you have a history with depression or other mental illnesses. Many of the feelings and emotions Ms. Slater expresses about having a baby are ones that many women have, but are not honest enough to express. Reading about her experiences and emotions authenticates just how serious a choice having a baby is, not just for someone with mental illness, but for every responsible couple.

This is a good, informative and honest piece of writing. I would recommend it highly to anyone who wants an emotional look at what it's like to be pregnant. Ms. Slater is an excellent writer in both her use of imagery and emotion.

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7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars personal, thought-provoking, and prosy November 25, 2002
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
Slater's book offers:

a) an account of one woman's experience "crossing over" into Motherland.
b) her frank soul-searching about how to (and if one should) merge motherhood with mental illness (something which more than 1 in 5 Americans suffer with.)
c) an artful, beautifully worded style -- gratefully devoured by those seeking alternatives to cutesy-tootsie, sterile, soul-less, "What to Expect..." manuals.

Regarding the reviewer who complained that there was no answer to the book's title, let me just ask this: Were you REALLY expecting an answer? I don't think anyone can diagram how love works...

If you're expecting "answers" for the universal questions of life, try Wittgenstein.

If you're looking for specific questions about labor/birth/delivery/ -- buy the Unofficial Guide to Pregnancy.

But if you're interested in reading a moving account of one person's spiritual and personal journey into parenthood, this book is a winner.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Planning Motherhood- Thanks to the Advent of Birth Control
This is a great book for every pregnant or planning-to-be pregnant woman. Of course, planning to be pregnant is a recent concept, around 60 years old. Read more
Published 4 months ago by U. Balu
4.0 out of 5 stars A Delight
Love Works Like This written by Lauren Slater is a memoir starting nearly at conception and ending at Eva's first birthday. Read more
Published 18 months ago by The Tega
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a beautiful book. Raw, honest, and poetic.
Lauren Slater approaches the question of what it is to come to love a child, and how one struggles with all the questions and fears that come up as you embark on that unknown... Read more
Published on February 24, 2008 by Kerry Lusignan
4.0 out of 5 stars Love Works Like This
presents the challenges of living daily with depression, and attemps to answer the questions regarding pregnancy and raising children while monitoring your meds, etc. Read more
Published on October 20, 2007 by Ronda J. Bernal-Williams
3.0 out of 5 stars a revelation
very real, but also a little scattered (not just mentally, but in format), crazy. i gained a clearer perception of some of the "issues" in her life, mental and otherwise. Read more
Published on December 9, 2004
1.0 out of 5 stars horrible
I've never seen such self-pity as in this book. Too bad her daughter has got to be subjected to the environment in which she is so unfortunately born into. Read more
Published on October 26, 2004 by Mom
1.0 out of 5 stars Cry me a river.
This is a book I wanted to like. I enjoyed Ms. Slater's "Prozac Diary" (although, interestingly, she never seemed to be suffering from what you might term "major... Read more
Published on March 31, 2003
5.0 out of 5 stars eloquent and candid
Lauren Slater is a highly gifted writer--her writing is eloquent, descriptive, and fluid. So this book is a pleasure to read just to experience her giftedness with language. Read more
Published on February 11, 2003 by Dr Jean
3.0 out of 5 stars Eye Opening and Human
I first read an excerpt of this book in Nell Casey's (ed.) book on writers and depression called "Unholy Ghost" and was extremely moved by Slater's ability to convey the stirring... Read more
Published on January 15, 2003 by msax202
4.0 out of 5 stars I can relate
I thought Ms. Slater's account of becoming a mother and the things that goes through one's mind was right on target. Read more
Published on September 30, 2002 by a reader
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