Customer Reviews

I Love Yous Are for White People: A Memoir (P.S.)

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What impressed me most about this book is how even as a middle-class, white, small town midwesterner with a cynical bent, I so deeply related to the plight of a Vietnamese refugee family plunked down into the ghetto of inner-city L.A.

Beginning with his family's harrowing escape from Communist Vietnam amidst a backdrop of gunfire and grenade explosion into an ill-equipped fishing boat that nearly sinks under heavy Pacific storms, the story truly begins with a bang. After being rescued at the very last moment by a reluctant Hong Kong military crew, Su and his family eventually make their way to the "Promiseland" in the ghettos of L.A.

With just the right amount of description--never revealing too much to put the reader at an all-knowing distance, nor too little to prevent you from truly feeling what Su felt in each moment--the writing made me feel as though I was the author's shadow. I saw what he saw and experienced what he experienced--from his adolescent stealing and subsequent selling of his parent's food stamps in order to feed a bullying peer's video game habit in the desperate hope of being accepted, all the way to the cold feeling of a gun barrel jammed into my cheek.

Perhaps the most interesting character is Su's father. He is a dejected shell of a man struggling with the loss of his position as a respect-commanding figure in Vietnam to a veritable Nobody in the U.S. Not knowing the language or the customs and without any formal education (he himself was orphaned and left to fend for himself as a hustler on the streets of Da Nang as an adolescent), he desperately clings to his dignity as we slowly and tragically watch it slip away. He is at once reprehensible for his violet outbursts towards his family (specifically towards the author who bears the biggest brunt as he is the "big head," or eldest son), but I found myself compelled to feel sympathy for "Pa." He's not an alcoholic. He's not lazy or sexually deviant. He is simply a man that the circumstances of life have beaten. Ultimately, you get the impression that he wants nothing more than for his children to avoid the same fate. However misguided Pa's actions may have been, Su adeptly paints the portrait of his father as a tragic figure whose love for his family--although extremely warped in it's outward expression of violence and anger--is every bit as real as the love of any father.

I also found it refreshing to read such a vivid portrayal of teen gang life that is neither bogged down by preaching on the one hand, nor does it glorify gang-banging on the other hand. You simply get a glimpse of what it's like from the inside, and are left completely free to draw any conclusions you wish. No heroes and no villains. Just people, flawed and perfectly human.

Since the depictions of his ganglife fit in so seamlessly with the rest of the story, I doubt that Su's ommision of social commentary was intentional or even conscious. From start to finish Su's clear mission is simiply to tell the reader his story--nothing more and nothing less. I'm very glad he did.

Lac Su's heartfelt memoir, I Love Yous Are for White People, could not be more timely. This book is about the difficulties a first-generation Vietnamese-Chinese child who comes to America as a refugee faces. Lac Su is forthright about the obstacles: poverty, difficulty learning a new culture and language, violence, bullying at home and at school, the allure of gangs in order to fit in, the allure of crime for seemingly "easy" money. Yet this story is a triumph--despite the truly horrific experiences that Lac Su describes, he has grown into a well-adjusted, successful, loving father, husband, entrepreneur and writer. I wish this book were available in all American high schools. It could really help kids who feel they are alone because of their perceived differences, and it shows them that they can overcome the violence and misunderstanding that they may face in the present.
Some of the most heart-breaking passages involve the great violence that Lac Su's own father inflicts upon his son (and Lac's mother). Sufferers of domestic violence will find that Lac Su's memoir helps to give them a voice. (Also Lac is very honest about the sexual abuse he suffers due to a cousin.) However, the father is no two-dimensional boogeyman. Lac shows why he still loves his father, always loved his father--a man who worked hard for his family but did not understand how to express his frustrations at life and its obstacles except through violence.
The subject matter might make the book seem depressing, but in fact the plot moves along quickly and the tone is not at all self pitying. The author's empathy, ability to draw distinct portraits with his prose, and his basic humanity shine through.

The way Lac Su writes makes you feel as if you're sitting next to him at the bar and he's deftly rehashing some of the most poignant memories of his childhood. His writing is simple and entrancing, and harsh and delicate when it needs to be.

After reading chapter after chapter, I sometimes wondered how he made it out of His Life alive. The best part of the book, I think, is how it made me question the very word "love", a word I used to take for granted. I know I say it to certain people, but I never question what I really mean by it and what sort of connotations it carries for me. I rarely ask myself what does "love" mean to me.

This memoir adds to the stories that Vietnamese Americans of Lac's generation have at their fingertips, but are not yet ready to tell themselves. I'm glad he had the courage to put pen to paper.

So, many years ago I was in a library and started reading "A Child Called It" just because it was there, having no priors of what it was about. That book messed me up so bad (leaving the library with it and lots of tears).
"I love yous" is very close to that.
I read "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom" recently and someone recommended this book to me. After finishing it I am still not sure why. This is not the same kind of book as "Tiger Mom" at all.

How is it not "Tiger Mom"?

The similarity is that both books are about immigrant parents using certain parenting techniques, wanting their children to be successful.

The differences?

The parent in "Tiger Mom" (Amy Chua) is a second-generation immigrant. She and her husband are Yale professors. Her dad (first gen immigrant) is also PhD educated and is a professor at Purdue (or similar). Her idea of success is like performing at Carnegie Hall when 14 or training with world-class violinist. She spends HOURS and HOURS each day personally coaching her children. And OK her parenting techniques (verbal abuse, no playdate, hours of practices) perhaps may likely be frowned-upon by western parents.

The parent in "I love yous" (Lac Su's dad) is a refugee who identifies himself as "boat people". He has no formal education, doesn't know English, is on disability and depressed. His idea of success is to go to ANY college, to perhaps own apartments to rent, and maybe, if you are really super-smart, to become a doctor. His parenting techniques are almost definitely not approved by humanity.
Pages after pages things keep happening to little Lac. Each chapter begins with adorable pictures of Lac or his sister. Then the text hits you with various kinds of unfortunate and terribly awful things. I wish and wish and wish for some happiness. No. There is none. Every chapter by itself is enough of major life troubles to fill a whole book. So much pain and injustice and horror. And he writes with such UN-WHINY tone.
His dad, even with all the things that he should not have done, is an amazing person. He has a very difficult (actually, impossible) life. I mean, his experience seems worse than Lac's. You hate all those things that he did but then you feel so sad for him, for everyone involved.

Lac Su, I am full of respect and admiration and awe of your spirit. How you find the strength to write this book is just beyond me. You are amazing.

You won't regret this purchase. I sobbed. I laughed so hard I had a belly ache.

What an amazing journey through life. Escaping communist China as a child, abuse of every which kind, glimpses of hope....This book is very inspirational. I couldn't put it down. I finished it in 2 days. It was that good. Lac Su is quite the success story. Quite the hardships and here he is a young successful man with brains to spare!

And to think the author is only in his 30s. I can't wait to see what else Lac Su has in store for us.

I hear this may be a movie. I'm excited.

The title was what drew me to this book - my Asian friends and I joke about how our houses were devoid of these affectionate sayings. So I took a chance and read this book.
All I have to say is "WOW!" It's a very fast read and sucked me in from page one. I felt a huge bond with the author. I was sad to see the book end. I wanted more - I wanted more of his life after his teen years!! That is probably the one negative.
Definitely get the edition with the author conversation at the end. It really wraps up the book better. It also brought tears to me eyes - his title resonates so much truth. My immigrant Asian parents only wanted what was best for me after all they went through to get to America, and just like Lac's dad, they enforced it the only way they knew how. My parents were not physically abusive to me, but they would die before they utter, "I love you!"
I hope Lac writes another book. I want to know more about his life after his teenage years!

I really enjoyed this book and picked up a copy for a friend of mine. It's an inside look on immigration/integration into U.S. that few people who have never had to do it, can't really comprehend or dismiss as purely cultural as opposed to the higher truth - cultural insensitivity.

This book is written well and is a quick read. I was very impressed with it.

I Love Yous Are for White People: A Memoir (P.S.) tells the story of the incredible childhood of Lac Su. Lac and his family fled Vietnam in a hail of gunfire, only to grow up in poverty in America. Lac's father is abusive and oppressive, and Lac's resilience in the face of this tyrant is incredible. The story is written in the first person in the present tense and he is a brilliant writer. At every age he has an uncanny ability to take you there. It's hard to do justice to the number of incredible encounters he had growing up but suffice to say he had a childhood that was more incredible than anything I could make up. Some parts are painful to read, some bittersweet, others laugh-out-loud funny, and some absolutely triumphant as he finds the strength to transcend his circumstances. This book is a must read. I'm so glad I heard about it.

I loved how the author wrote this book. Starting as a little boy growing into a man, the language, thought process, etc. all evolved as he grew and you are right alongside him. Despite the daily challenge of trying to navigate two very different worlds, with parents who were limited in their ability to help, Lac Su does not judge, and in fact continues to strive to simply be loved, especially by his father. One can't help but be empathic to this boy, his family, friends and neighbors as a result of the honest portrayal of all. It makes you realize that really very few of us make decisions with no more motivation than to simply survive and ultimately find stability and happiness in this world, regardless of your ethnic, economic and social background.

Without spoiling the last part of the book, I'll just say it's always amazing how so many children can push aside the pain and challenge of their childhood and move into adulthood, then without warning, one day all the old wounds are open and just as fresh as they day they were born. And yet, one goes on. I admire Lac Su's courage and honesty and I hope he finds increasing love, peace and happiness as he journeys through the rest of his life.

I couldn't put it down. The book alternately made me laugh and cry. Su is one of those authors that is able to seamlessly weave the story through controversial issues and emotional terrain without passing judgment. Will especially touch people who come from immigrant families, while also impacting those who don't. A fantastic journey through the often complicated road to the American Dream.