Customer Reviews

Love a la francaise

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This book, while highly entertaining, does paint quite a dismal picture of marital relations between American women and French men! I'm an American woman who has lived in Paris for four years, and I see both good and bad "mixed" marriages here, just like I see both good and bad marriages in my home country.

I agree that it's wise to be aware of the attitudes and beliefs of a people and to guard against over-romanticizing things when making a huge commitment such as marriage. This is where Polly Platt's advice is valuable, and why I think the book is worthwhile. But not all French men fit into the same mold. I think many of the men Polly interviewed for this book were of a certain class and age, and their views and beliefs don't automatically transfer to the rest of their countrymen (my French boyfriend, included).

American women are brought up, more and more, to speak our minds and not to put up with certain inequalities, and I think (although I don't want to overgeneralize) that France may lag a decade or so behind America, in this regard. So this may account for many of Polly's subject's sometimes stong reactions to the topic of a Franco-American marriage. (Also, keep in mind that Polly had never married a Frenchman.)

Still, I would recommend this book to anyone with visions of marrying a Frenchman, in concert with one or more other excellent books out there on cross-cultural marriage, as there are also myriad benefits to being in an intercultural relationship.

Lastly, I've just learned that Polly Platt passed away at the end of 2008 of pneumonia and heart failure, at the age of 81. I saw her at a lecture just a few weeks before, and she was as full of spunk as ever. She told the most delightful story of how a French bus driver flirted with her recently. (This is one of the top things Polly said she loved about Frenchmen.) I'll always remember the glint in her eye when she told this story. She was a gifted raconteur and will be missed.

As a French individual who has spend almost two decades living in the US, I have always enjoyed examining and validating my observations about cultural differences and how they affect us. Polly Platt's first book, "French of Foe?" has been very helpful to that effect. Therefore, as a French men married with (and later divorced from) an American woman, I found myself drawn even more to that this book about Franco-American romantic relationships. And while reading this book I reflected deeply and at numerous times, on both the author's comments and the insights shared by the many interesting people she interviewed.
Relationships are what makes us human (and in my opinion, what makes life so much fun), but they are, at times, so very difficult to understand and manage. What Polly Platt succeeds in making us realize through her book, is that different education, background, personality traits and regional cultures create a certain set of expectations that each of us carry both consciously and unconsciously. That is usually enough to create the constant struggle between two people involved romantically, regardless of culture and gender. She further explains that when you add to this explosive cocktail a country's History and customs deeply intertwined in the social fabric, along with all the sexual undertones between men and women that are proper to the country, you're bound to increase the level of misunderstandings and failed expectations.
While providing no obvious answers, Polly Platt helps us, in her usual humorous tone, reflect intelligently on our beliefs and behaviors and ultimately on ourselves. It might even help a few French-American couples avoid some of the traps I fell into. And that's a big achievement in itself

I've been living in Paris for almost 9 years now, all of which I have spent immersing myself in the culture, becoming bilingual, working for French companies, going to French schools and dating French men. And while that certainly doesn't make me an expert on all things French, it does enable me to stand aghast before books such as this one and wonder how on earth one impression of the French can be so different from another.

Polly Platt's basic thesis is this: if you are an American woman in a relationship with a French man, the only way to ensure that he'll stick around is if you become the absolute definition of perfect. To paraphrase the author, you must be mysterious, voluptuous, elegant, witty, charming, sexy, practical and yet independent. You must go about in black lace garter belts while at the same time mastering the art of subtlety. You must have a sense of humor but not be too funny (which would be inappropriate in a woman). You must get on famously with his mother, no matter how conniving and jealous she is. You must be a sublime cook, a sublime mother and a sublime lover. You must know when to obey your man (95% of the time) and when to scream at him (5%). You must wait up for him when he works late and show unending tenderness and support. You must make sure that your children triumph in the tough French educational system and you must be capable of doing all of the administrative and domestic tasks involved in running a household without complaint. In addition, you must have your own brilliant career and cultivate your own secret garden. And best of all, you must turn a blind eye to your man's "petites aventures," which the author's interviewees assure us will most definitely happen at some point, even if they "don't mean anything" to a Frenchman who truly loves his wife. And in return for all of this, you will receive the privilege of his "love," perhaps forever (if you're lucky).

Where to begin? In addition to being so full of clichés that it's hard to believe the thing was published in 2008, this book paints what is quite simply a grotesque portrait of French men. I let my French boyfriend of 3 years read a couple of paragraphs and his response was a laugh and a roll of the eyes: "c'est ridicule." And ridicule it is. The interviews that make up the core of the book are nearly all given by very wealthy, decidedly elite couples who for all I know may have the impossible task of the above paragraph to deal with. But what percentage is that?! Americans marrying into some of France's oldest, wealthiest families probably DO have their work cut out for them (as would any nationality), but to make sweeping generalizations based on these extremely rare cases is just plain silly. The French aren't perfect, nor are we Americans. But lasting love is perfectly possible between the two WITHOUT the poor American woman having to transform herself into some kind of superwoman robot hybrid of Angelina Jolie, Jackie Kennedy and Joan of Arc.

Read this book only if you know the French well enough to not let yourself be buried under the author's avalanche of clichés. Otherwise, don't waste your money.

I have enjoyed the author's other books on France and the French and so was interested to read her new book. Unfortunately, this book is not up to the standards of her previous works. From reading the book, the impression is that of a series of articles for a woman's magazine concerning the pros and cons of marring a Frenchman complete with interviews and speculation. For that purpose, I leave the evaluation to others but for me I would not recommend this book except for those who are exceptionally interested in this topic.

Any non-steeped-in-the-real-France American girl who imagines that meeting and marrying a French man would be a "happily ever after" should definitely read this book, and even if their person is a 20-something French guy who doesn't seem to be like the men in the book AT ALL, there is this phenomenon after marriage where the person you thought you knew turns into their father. So ... it's worth knowing that American women are often going to run slam-blat! into a huge culture shock with French men, and Platt, an American journalist who's lived in Paris for 30-plus years, outlines exactly what the rough spots might be. I've never dated a French man, (although they've tried to date me) and after I read Love a la Francaise, I was even more glad that I had avoided them. I lived and worked in Paris and Aix-en-Provence, and met a lot of men who seemed to be looking for a little fun on the side, and would I like to go to the country for the weekend with them even though they were married? Uh, no. I stuck to my American boyfriends. I love Platt's books about French culture so much, and I love how she gathers her information and shares it.

Very interesting read while I was in Paris. Explains so many of the differences between US and French Culture. Very entertaining, too.
A must read for any American entereing into a romantic relationship with a French person! For the rest of us a fun and informative read.

I found this book to be poorly written and basically an insult to both American and French women. It read like something out of Redbook or Glamour. I agree with one reviewer who wrote that Ms. Platt seemed to have limited her interviews to older men of a certain class.

While the attempt at explaining Franco-American romantic relationships is admirable, as a 20-something American woman living in France for several years, I didn't agree with much of what Ms. Platt said.

This book is written for older, upper-class, based-in-Paris couples. There is very little information applicable for anyone outside that demographic.

Polly Platt has lived in France for years and she understands both American and French culture. She interviewed dozens of couples of mixed Francophone/American marriages. If you want such a relationship to work, you must understand the cultural differences. A must-read!