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Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know Hardcover – October 19, 2001

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Amazon.com Review

At a time when it's popular to believe men and women come from different planets, the husband and wife psychology team of Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski takes a far different approach in Be Loved for Who You Really Are. Using case histories, examples, and exercises from their own marriage and 14 years as relationship trainers, the authors suggest that individual and sex differences are not the source of relationship problems. Instead, they assert that true intimacy can be found in mapping and acknowledging differences as relationships ripen with time. You can't hurry love, say Shervan and Sniechowski, who counsel couples to understand four predictable passages to lasting love. These passages include "A glimpse of what is possible," "The clash of differences," "The magic of differences," and "The grace of deep intimacy." In each stage, couples are discouraged from hiding their differences or manipulating their partner to change, and rather are persuaded to encounter each other in genuine, unguarded ways. The book would have been strengthened with less New Age vocabulary and more examples from the authors' marriage, but overall, this is a wise and intriguing guide to creating a lasting love. --Barbara Mackoff

From Library Journal

A husband-and-wife psychology team, the authors are well known for their show on Wisdom Radio, appearances on TV talk shows, magazine columns, web site participation, and previous book, The New Intimacy. Here they present a blueprint for what they call "the arc of love." They detail the four passages through which real, mature love between two people progresses, highlighting how the differences between men and women can enhance rather than destroy a relationship. Anecdotes from their own 15-year marriage and from the lives of people they have counseled are used to illustrate their points. Replete with suggestions for further reflection or activities, the narrative tends to have a spiritual, New Age flavor. Love is often personified, and a higher power or spirit is referenced throughout, though no particular doctrine is espoused. The section describing the importance of conflict and its place in a relationship includes a warning about abuse. Given the proposed national media campaign, which will include appearances on Oprah, The View, and other popular media outlets, this book should generate demand. For public libraries' self-help collections. Margaret Cardwell, Christian Brothers Univ., Memphis
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Renaissance Books; 1st edition (October 19, 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1580632068
  • ISBN-13: 978-1580632065
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 1 x 9.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,971,394 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Best known as Judith & Jim - we're husband-and-wife psychology team Judith Sherven, PhD and Jim Sniechowski, PhD - best selling authors of six books, including our latest http://WhatReallyKilledWhitneyHouston.com in which we help our readers understand how the power of unconscious forces drive much of what we do and what holds us back. We are passionate champions for your freedom to live a truly free and fabulous life in any way you desire.

Internationally famous for our ability to dig deep into the heart of what holds people back while providing the recipe for permanent release from that internal prison, we have created a blueprint for learning about the power of Unconscious Allegiances and Forbiddances. Since most people cannot access our private consultation and coaching, we've produced our "Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous(tm)" program to enable the user to shatter the blindness that holds people back, guiding them through the necessary steps to releasing their hold backs and roadblocks to successful living and loving. Http://OvercomingTheFearOfBeingFabulous.com

At this time, we are executive coaches and leadership trainers and consultants to a variety of businesses and corporations including being on retainer to LinkedIn.

As guest experts we've been on over 2700 television and radio shows including Oprah, The View, 48 Hours, CNN, and Canada AM. And we've been interviewed or published by hundreds of major publications including the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, USA Today, Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, O, Cosmo, Bridal Guide, Redbook, Playboy, Essence, Women's Day, Family Circle, Parents, Brides, Men's Health, Best Life, and Today's Black Woman.

Meeting on a blind date March 7, 1987, they married 13 months later, and currently live in Las Vegas.

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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful By Arthur C. Klein on January 31, 2002
Format: Hardcover
Reading this book is like journeying to the most exciting "school of life" imaginable -- to learn painlessly, thoroughly, and once and for all, about making love work.
Understanding the five stages of love, as explained by Doctors Sherven and Sniechowski, will help you more in your daily life than anything you've ever read, seen or experienced. This time you're going to get what you need. It's thrilling. And it works.
I've read this book so many times, that my mind automatically goes back to it whenever I get to a troubled point in my marriage. But don't troubled times in a marriage vanish after reading this book? Uh uh. This book is about human beings, not ethereal spiritual creatures. The point is, though, that being troubled about inevitable differences between two people DOES vanish. And that frees you up to actually work on your differences and find a way to turn them into greater intimacy.
Be Loved for Who You Really Are is so different from anything else I've read. It's lively as hell and anything but pedantic. The authors are people first, doctors second. They put themselves into the book. That means, right from the outset, you aren't alone. They're right there with you -- sympathizing, empathizing, encouraging, supporting -- and most important -- guiding and informing.
I love the underlying theme of this book; you can't fail at love. That isn't hype. The book lets you see how, if you put yourself out there in a real and clear way, you might not always get the results you want, but you won't fail. You won't let yourself down.
Read this book if greater intimacy is one of your most important goals. This is a brilliant, simple and wondrous roadmap to how to give yourself the greatest gift of all -- being loved for who you are.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on February 14, 2002
Format: Hardcover
This is not your run of the mill "how to" book on love, but a book that guides you through the spiritual journey of how to love and to be loved. The authors share personal anectodes, and stories of other couples, which helps brings the book to a real personal level. They send the message that, if you honor your self and others, you can never really fail at love...what a beautiful thing!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Dr Nita on December 29, 2002
Format: Hardcover
This book is a refreshing alternative if you are worn out from trying to change, mold, or manipulate yourself or someone else into being what you want in order to fit your romantic picture. The four part model takes the reader through the stages to help learn to embrace rather than resist differences between people in intimate relationships. Jim and Judith, a married couple, use examples from their own marriage as well as cases from their practice to teach us how to discuss and appreciate differences. A couple who really walks their talk emphasizes getting back to the basics of fun and love so your partnership can grow and flourish.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Bill Weiner on January 13, 2002
Format: Hardcover
Be Loved For Who You Really Are shows how differences between lovers can be turned into a powerful source of lifelong love and romance. The Mrs. and myself, having read the book, have discovered that the differences between us need not divide us - and in fact, can bring us closer together. For myself, I have learned to understand that the things she does that I used to let drive me up the wall are in fact the very things I love her for. Most important, Judith and Jim showed each of us how to examine what our part is in the miscommunications that go on all the time. Seems that finding romance with your mate is not a matter of changing them to your expectations. It's really about changing your own conceptions of yourself - and stretching yourself to accommodate others. This leads to a condition known as Intimacy, a quality I feel we could all use more of - instead of that other feeling we confuse with intimacy - Intensity. If you're like me - and I figure I'm no different than you - you have no doubt discovered what little power you have in changing the things he or she does that you don't like. You'll therefore be "knocked out" when Judith and Jim show you how to have an enormous amount of power in changing yourself. And once both partners take a good look at themselves - and give up the Blame Game - they each bring a new and romantic intimacy to their relationship. This book shows you how to achieve such. Be Loved For Who You Really Are teaches how to celebrate each other's differences, and how to co-create your own unique relationship. For Who You Really Are has put and end to 90% of the battles in our house. We have begun to learn to talk to one another, to reveal ourselves - and become bigger people in the process. I know I've become bigger, and it's not just from all that Haagen Daz!Read more ›
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Tom Justin on January 5, 2002
Format: Hardcover
Electricity always works. It's power can save your life, make you more comfortable, or it can kill you.
Maybe relationships aren't quite that dramatic, but pretty close. There is no manual for relationships and no real standard. Woe to most of us who learn relationships from our parents, even those with good and sustained marriages. Times are different, with unique choices and challenges today. This book addresses those challenges and is almost a relationship-by-the-numbers builder.
This talented husband/wife team has written the manual for current and future relationships. Whether you are between the extreme of single and alone to happily married, "Be Loved For Who you Really Are" is the AHA of relationship building in these exceptional times.
As a divorced man between serious relationships, this book opened my eyes wide. After reading it, I feel like the guy who just read a book on electricity and discovered that it's not a good idea to blow dry my hair while taking a shower-just as I was about to start the water.
The directions and clarity in this power-packed tome may save your relationship's life, now or in the future. I'm glad I read it now, so will you.
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