Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know [Hardcover]

Sifu Judith Sherven (Author), Jim Sniechowski (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 19, 2001

Based on their 14 years together as relationship trainers working with over 100,000 singles and couples, Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski have developed a truly new and original way to approach relationships. Be Loved for Who You Really Are describes how differences between partners can be a source of understanding and intimacy, enhancing rather than destroying a relationship. Readers learn to recognize the process of understanding differences, and what is necessary to keep lovemaking and romance alive for a lifetime.

Be Loved for Who You Really Are outlines a natural and predictable path that love requires, called the arc of love. Within this arc are four inevitable passages that enable the reader to better understand the challenges and pitfalls they will encounter, and to not confuse conflicts and tough times with disaster or failure.

The idea of a "passage" is used because as love evolves between two people it requires that they face into and grow through a number of challenges. Those challenges are necessary for them to mature in the wisdom of their love and intimacy and in the day-to-day relationship they are co-creating.

The four passages are:

*A Glimpse of What Is Possible, the wonderful time of falling in love when you actually see the per-fection of your partner.

*The Clash of Differences, when your love is tested through the inevitable conflicts that emerge from your differences.

*The Magic of Differences, when those very same differences allow you to be respected and loved for the person you truly are.

*And The Grace of Deep Intimacy, when the passionate wonder of the beginning is now yours, through and through, and your love touches everyone you encounter.

Unlike most relationship books, which are written primarily for women, Be Loved for Who You Really Are speaks to women and men equally. Judith & Jim underscore the fact that men are just as hungry for this kind of life-changing information.

Throughout Be Loved for Who You Really Are, Judith and Jim provide inspiring examples that show how love lives between people, and that differences can actually be the key to the deepest connection being together has to offer.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

At a time when it's popular to believe men and women come from different planets, the husband and wife psychology team of Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski takes a far different approach in Be Loved for Who You Really Are. Using case histories, examples, and exercises from their own marriage and 14 years as relationship trainers, the authors suggest that individual and sex differences are not the source of relationship problems. Instead, they assert that true intimacy can be found in mapping and acknowledging differences as relationships ripen with time. You can't hurry love, say Shervan and Sniechowski, who counsel couples to understand four predictable passages to lasting love. These passages include "A glimpse of what is possible," "The clash of differences," "The magic of differences," and "The grace of deep intimacy." In each stage, couples are discouraged from hiding their differences or manipulating their partner to change, and rather are persuaded to encounter each other in genuine, unguarded ways. The book would have been strengthened with less New Age vocabulary and more examples from the authors' marriage, but overall, this is a wise and intriguing guide to creating a lasting love. --Barbara Mackoff

From Library Journal

A husband-and-wife psychology team, the authors are well known for their show on Wisdom Radio, appearances on TV talk shows, magazine columns, web site participation, and previous book, The New Intimacy. Here they present a blueprint for what they call "the arc of love." They detail the four passages through which real, mature love between two people progresses, highlighting how the differences between men and women can enhance rather than destroy a relationship. Anecdotes from their own 15-year marriage and from the lives of people they have counseled are used to illustrate their points. Replete with suggestions for further reflection or activities, the narrative tends to have a spiritual, New Age flavor. Love is often personified, and a higher power or spirit is referenced throughout, though no particular doctrine is espoused. The section describing the importance of conflict and its place in a relationship includes a warning about abuse. Given the proposed national media campaign, which will include appearances on Oprah, The View, and other popular media outlets, this book should generate demand. For public libraries' self-help collections. Margaret Cardwell, Christian Brothers Univ., Memphis
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Renaissance Books; 1st edition (October 19, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580632068
• ISBN-13: 978-1580632065
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,937,097 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Where to turn for advice about love that works? Here!, January 31, 2002

By 

Arthur C. Klein - See all my reviews

This review is from: Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know (Hardcover)

Reading this book is like journeying to the most exciting "school of life" imaginable -- to learn painlessly, thoroughly, and once and for all, about making love work.

Understanding the five stages of love, as explained by Doctors Sherven and Sniechowski, will help you more in your daily life than anything you've ever read, seen or experienced. This time you're going to get what you need. It's thrilling. And it works.

I've read this book so many times, that my mind automatically goes back to it whenever I get to a troubled point in my marriage. But don't troubled times in a marriage vanish after reading this book? Uh uh. This book is about human beings, not ethereal spiritual creatures. The point is, though, that being troubled about inevitable differences between two people DOES vanish. And that frees you up to actually work on your differences and find a way to turn them into greater intimacy.

Be Loved for Who You Really Are is so different from anything else I've read. It's lively as hell and anything but pedantic. The authors are people first, doctors second. They put themselves into the book. That means, right from the outset, you aren't alone. They're right there with you -- sympathizing, empathizing, encouraging, supporting -- and most important -- guiding and informing.

I love the underlying theme of this book; you can't fail at love. That isn't hype. The book lets you see how, if you put yourself out there in a real and clear way, you might not always get the results you want, but you won't fail. You won't let yourself down.

Read this book if greater intimacy is one of your most important goals. This is a brilliant, simple and wondrous roadmap to how to give yourself the greatest gift of all -- being loved for who you are.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Never fail at Love?!, February 14, 2002

By 

KG (Windham,NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know (Hardcover)

This is not your run of the mill "how to" book on love, but a book that guides you through the spiritual journey of how to love and to be loved. The authors share personal anectodes, and stories of other couples, which helps brings the book to a real personal level. They send the message that, if you honor your self and others, you can never really fail at love...what a beautiful thing!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fresh Perspective on Differences, December 29, 2002

By 

Dr Nita "drnitaval" (Studio City, CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know (Hardcover)

This book is a refreshing alternative if you are worn out from trying to change, mold, or manipulate yourself or someone else into being what you want in order to fit your romantic picture. The four part model takes the reader through the stages to help learn to embrace rather than resist differences between people in intimate relationships. Jim and Judith, a married couple, use examples from their own marriage as well as cases from their practice to teach us how to discuss and appreciate differences. A couple who really walks their talk emphasizes getting back to the basics of fun and love so your partnership can grow and flourish.