Customer Reviews

Be Loved for Who You Really Are: How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know

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Reading this book is like journeying to the most exciting "school of life" imaginable -- to learn painlessly, thoroughly, and once and for all, about making love work.

Understanding the five stages of love, as explained by Doctors Sherven and Sniechowski, will help you more in your daily life than anything you've ever read, seen or experienced. This time you're going to get what you need. It's thrilling. And it works.

I've read this book so many times, that my mind automatically goes back to it whenever I get to a troubled point in my marriage. But don't troubled times in a marriage vanish after reading this book? Uh uh. This book is about human beings, not ethereal spiritual creatures. The point is, though, that being troubled about inevitable differences between two people DOES vanish. And that frees you up to actually work on your differences and find a way to turn them into greater intimacy.

Be Loved for Who You Really Are is so different from anything else I've read. It's lively as hell and anything but pedantic. The authors are people first, doctors second. They put themselves into the book. That means, right from the outset, you aren't alone. They're right there with you -- sympathizing, empathizing, encouraging, supporting -- and most important -- guiding and informing.

I love the underlying theme of this book; you can't fail at love. That isn't hype. The book lets you see how, if you put yourself out there in a real and clear way, you might not always get the results you want, but you won't fail. You won't let yourself down.

Read this book if greater intimacy is one of your most important goals. This is a brilliant, simple and wondrous roadmap to how to give yourself the greatest gift of all -- being loved for who you are.

This is not your run of the mill "how to" book on love, but a book that guides you through the spiritual journey of how to love and to be loved. The authors share personal anectodes, and stories of other couples, which helps brings the book to a real personal level. They send the message that, if you honor your self and others, you can never really fail at love...what a beautiful thing!

This book is a refreshing alternative if you are worn out from trying to change, mold, or manipulate yourself or someone else into being what you want in order to fit your romantic picture. The four part model takes the reader through the stages to help learn to embrace rather than resist differences between people in intimate relationships. Jim and Judith, a married couple, use examples from their own marriage as well as cases from their practice to teach us how to discuss and appreciate differences. A couple who really walks their talk emphasizes getting back to the basics of fun and love so your partnership can grow and flourish.

Husband-and-wife relationship counselors Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski have released a cassette version of their latest book, which was recently reviewed in these pages. The tapes, with a running time of around three hours, effectively distill the heart of their most moving, most richly detailed, and most comprehensive book yet.

As is also true of their books, the authors adopt a manner of presentation that is highly appropriate to convey their messages. Judith and Jim both have appealing voices which come across well on tape, accessible and very easy to understand and follow but not professional-sounding. The music that intermittently appears during moments of transition on the tapes is similarly superb: engaging, appealing, and unobtrusive, avoiding the Scylla and Charybdis of flavorless Muzak and ostentatious New Age doodlings capable of upstaging the message.

The tape closely tracks the structure of the book on which it is based, laying out four principal passages in a love relationship development. 1. A glimpse of what is possible offers you a vision of your partner's perfection. 2. The clash of differences puts your love on trial due to the differences that inevitably arise and shatter the perfect vision of the first passage. 3. The magic of differences, when you and your partner learn to love and respect each other for those qualities that distinguish you from each other. The authors discussed this issue in detail in their 1997 book, The New Intimacy: Discovering the Magic at the Heart of Your Differences. 4. The grace of deep intimacy, when you enter into an open and trusting state and your love expands beyond the limits of your relationship and encompasses your whole life and even the lives of others, allowing you and your partner to give back to the world some of the wonder of your connection.

Jim and Judith include in their tape many of the most delightful features of their book, mentioning to the listener a number of the most intriguing exercises suggested in their book to help develop a couple's love (create a monthly ritual to celebrate your relationship; generate a joint project that can celebrate your different aptitudes and interests in a joint project inspiring to both of you). I particularly enjoyed the long yet engaging list of what to avoid in a prospective partner. Solid advice that doubtless many of us have bypassed at times in our lives and later come to regret it. The tape follows the book on which it is based quite closely, not so much complementing the book as condensing and distilling its essence, presenting it to us in a different format and giving us a second chance to take in whatever we might have missed if we have already read the book. For those new to this material or to the authors, the tape offers a great introduction and induction into their thoughts on the four passages.

The tape version of "Be Loved for Who You Really Are" would make a great gift for anyone in a relationship or wanting to be in one. It would dispel the tedium of a morning commute by transmitting to the listener in two clear, confident voices some inspiring and informative tips on how to bring love more fully into one's life.

Be Loved For Who You Really Are shows how differences between lovers can be turned into a powerful source of lifelong love and romance. The Mrs. and myself, having read the book, have discovered that the differences between us need not divide us - and in fact, can bring us closer together. For myself, I have learned to understand that the things she does that I used to let drive me up the wall are in fact the very things I love her for. Most important, Judith and Jim showed each of us how to examine what our part is in the miscommunications that go on all the time. Seems that finding romance with your mate is not a matter of changing them to your expectations. It's really about changing your own conceptions of yourself - and stretching yourself to accommodate others. This leads to a condition known as Intimacy, a quality I feel we could all use more of - instead of that other feeling we confuse with intimacy - Intensity. If you're like me - and I figure I'm no different than you - you have no doubt discovered what little power you have in changing the things he or she does that you don't like. You'll therefore be "knocked out" when Judith and Jim show you how to have an enormous amount of power in changing yourself. And once both partners take a good look at themselves - and give up the Blame Game - they each bring a new and romantic intimacy to their relationship. This book shows you how to achieve such. Be Loved For Who You Really Are teaches how to celebrate each other's differences, and how to co-create your own unique relationship. For Who You Really Are has put and end to 90% of the battles in our house. We have begun to learn to talk to one another, to reveal ourselves - and become bigger people in the process. I know I've become bigger, and it's not just from all that Haagen Daz! I've found out that I'm not such a hardheaded pig as I once thought. And my mate has discovered a softer side that makes me want to be more romantic. The style of Judith and Jim's writing takes the pain out of the process. Read this book, and it will take the pain out of finding love, understanding, romance and most important, yourself. Gotta go now. Martinis for me and the Mrs. - both of us, now shaken and stirred.

Electricity always works. It's power can save your life, make you more comfortable, or it can kill you.

Maybe relationships aren't quite that dramatic, but pretty close. There is no manual for relationships and no real standard. Woe to most of us who learn relationships from our parents, even those with good and sustained marriages. Times are different, with unique choices and challenges today. This book addresses those challenges and is almost a relationship-by-the-numbers builder.

This talented husband/wife team has written the manual for current and future relationships. Whether you are between the extreme of single and alone to happily married, "Be Loved For Who you Really Are" is the AHA of relationship building in these exceptional times.

As a divorced man between serious relationships, this book opened my eyes wide. After reading it, I feel like the guy who just read a book on electricity and discovered that it's not a good idea to blow dry my hair while taking a shower-just as I was about to start the water.

The directions and clarity in this power-packed tome may save your relationship's life, now or in the future. I'm glad I read it now, so will you.

I have studied relationships and taught seminars on relationships for years. Judith & Jim's book is the one I use, not only in classes but in my own relationships. Their approach works! The exercises are great! I can honestly say that the love in my life is deeper, more intense, more authentic after reading this book with my wife than it has ever been. Thank you Judith & Jim.

This book is a great read for individuals or couples who want to explore the path of twists and turns in relationships. It is one of those books you want to read and re-read. Very enlightening -very helpful in making a plan to stay together.

Finally there is a roadmap for the journey love pulls (and sometimes pushes) us through. Filled with valuable exercises and experiences that build your relationship while co-creating a growing romance, this down-to-earth and beautiful book is what everyone who wants "the real thing" -- and who wants it to last a lifetime -- needs to read. I only wish I'd read it years ago. But as the saying goes: it's only too late if you don't start now. Buy it. Read it. Love it. Then love and be loved more wonderfully than ever before.

Differences are the main reason couples break up. But can these differences be turned into life long love and romance? Is that possible? Drs. Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski, authors of Be Loved For Who You Really Are say "YES!" These married psychologists and best selling authors review the stages of love and concentrate the on the second stage. This is when, inevitably, conflicts come up.. The "perfect" person we fell in love with seems to have disappeared. VERY HELPFUL BOOK!