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If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much Paperback – January 1, 2009


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If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much + Living with a Functioning Alcoholic: A Woman's Survival Guide + Marriage On The Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and an Alcoholic
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 107 pages
  • Publisher: KLJ Publishing (January 1, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0981684408
  • ISBN-13: 978-0981684406
  • Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #25,835 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

It answers so many questions - Lisa's understanding of the disease, her understanding of alcohol abuse and codependency and the way she presents it - it's just really a fine piece of work! --Caroll Fowler, M.A., MFT, Director of the Family Program at The Sequoia Center.

If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! does not pretend to have all the answers. Rather, its focus is to help you think about the issues involved when someone you love has a problem with alcohol. --Cathy Fleischman, RN, MSN

A must-read for anyone whose life has been touched by alcoholism. You'll never see this addiction in the same light again! --Beth Wilson, Integrative Life Coach and best-selling author, He's Just No Good For Me: A Guide to Leaving Destructive Relationships

About the Author

Lisa Frederiksen's story goes beyond her 40 years experience with family alcoholism and alcohol abuse. She has published six books (under her previous last name), including Women's Rights and Nothing Less, the Story of Elizabeth Cady Stanton; Freedom Cannot Rest, Ella Baker and the Civil Rights Movement; and Women's Work, the Story of Betty Friedan, as well as numerous articles on a wide-range of topics, including voting and empowerment, careers, workplace issues and public school financing. Frederiksen earned her Bachelor of Arts degree in Economics from the University of California at Davis in 1975 and worked during the subsequent twenty-year period in executive management positions. In 1996, she started her own consulting business to companies and nonprofit groups while pursing a long-held dream of writing forpublication and speaking on the subjects of her work. She is a reviewed author and nationally recognized speaker on women's history and lives in northern California.

More About the Author

Lisa Frederiksen is the author of nine books and a national keynote speaker with 25 years experience. She has been consulting, researching, writing and speaking on substance abuse, addiction, education/prevention/intervention and treatment, dual diagnosis, underage drinking and help for the family centered around 21st century brain and addiction-related research since 2003. Her 40+ years experience with family and friends' alcohol abuse and alcoholism, her own therapy work and her research for her most recent books, Crossing The Line From Alcohol Use to Abuse to Dependence, Loved One In Treatment? Now What! and If You Loved Me, You'd Stop!, frame her work. This includes training/workshops/presentations for Stanford Medical School students, Ft. Irwin National Training Center troops and personnel, County of Santa Clara Department of Alcohol & Drug Services, family law attorneys, clinicians, medical social workers, domestic violence professionals, families, students, community coalitions, the National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) Santa Clara and the like. Lisa founded BreakingTheCycles.com in 2008 and writes the blog of the same name. She is a Substance Abuse/Mental Illness MCLE (continuing education) provider for the California Bar Association and a blogger for Decoder, The Partnership at DrugFree.org.

Lisa's previous six books were published under her former last name. Three were biographies of Women's Rights leaders: Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony and Betty Friedan (all Morgan Reynolds); one a biography of Civil Rights leader, Ella Baker (Morgan Reynolds); one on the American Revolution (Lerner Publishing) and one on career planning (Career Kids).

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
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It is an easy book to read but has useful information.
Bruce Logie
Frederiksen's book is full of information that will help erase the stigma of alcoholism and clarify what excessive drinking is all about.
Carol M. Marshall
I would recommend this book to anyone coping with someone with an addiction.
Debora M.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

27 of 28 people found the following review helpful By Still Recovering on February 1, 2009
Format: Paperback
In this author I met a woman who GETS IT. Most importantly, I learned I AM NOT CRAZY. The symptoms and situations described in this book are real and clearly written from first-hand experience. If I didn't know better, I'd think she'd been sitting at my dining table watching us the past 20 years!

I wish I'd had this book when I first started to realize my loved one was an addict/alcoholic. It's a great primer for anyone who's just begun to cope with a loved one's addiction, but even years into the process, I still learned new things. It packs so much into less than 100 pages about the nature of addiction and abusive drinking in it's many insidious forms.

Do you know what constitutes alcohol abuse? It's less drinks than I had thought. Did you know that 50% of all alcoholism develops at a quite young age, like cigarette smoking? Did you know that pervasive alcohol consumption actually 'hijacks the brain'? I didn't.

I really appreciated her personal struggles and how she framed the story in terms of HER NEED for help. The chapters have titles like 'You're not crazy, Something Really IS Wrong' and progress through a straight forward explanation of brain chemistry and gave me hope in chapters like 'Now What' and 'Reclaiming Your Life'. She tells a sad story, yet one filled with hope for all of us who have struggled with a loved one's addiction. So much hope!
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Max Branscomb on November 14, 2008
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is a short, easy to read and understand book explaining the effects of drinking on the brain and how the drinkers and the people who love them can successfully interact. Lisa carefully explains misunderstood labels such as "alcoholic" and "dependency" to help everyone know what is going on in their relationships. I learned a lot about problem drinkers as well as people addicted to alcohol and how to live and work with them.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Mary Dempsey on December 10, 2008
Format: Paperback
The author provides insight to the nature of alcohol addiction not found in other books or indeed, any counseling programs. The extensive references to recent medical research clarify the reality facing both the addict and the family members. Excellent help.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Donna M. Zappin on June 19, 2011
Format: Paperback
This is a great title for a book about addiction.
Those who are not addicted feel that one should just be able to stop.
Self control, love, strength...and a desire to quit is all that is needed. Lisa's books give a clear, easy to understand explanation plus the latest scientific information about addiction and how it effects the brain. Why they can't just stop!
Why you would think that love should be all that is necessary. It is so much more than that and she tells you why. "Why"...we all ask that simple three letter word!
Thank you Lisa.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Sandra Doudna on November 25, 2008
Format: Paperback
Lisa presents a wealth of information in a non-threatening, non-confrontational manner. She presents a new picture of problem drinking. As a Stephen Leader, I recommend this book to Stephen Ministers to assist their care receivers who are struggling with a loved one's alcoholism.

Only someone who has lived through the experience can have the insight that she does. It seems to be directly aimed at the reader who has not come to terms with problem drinking or drinkers, as well as the professionals who deal with it every day.

I highly recommend this easy-to-read book.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Jane Manning on January 27, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Those 3 words changed my life almost immediately. The morning after I read this book, I was able to put into use the techniques recommended. This was a wonderful gift to myself! I totally agree with what another reviewer wrote, 'It's like the owners manual in your car that you pull out when you need it.' It is a simple, easy read filled with the most helpful information. I wish I had read this book DECADES ago.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Paul G. Defreese on April 20, 2009
Format: Paperback
If you have an alcoholic in the family, I can think of no better resource to have on hand than Lisa Frederiksen's If You Loved Me You'd Stop! This book should ship automatically with the first signs of problems or abuse... it's almost like having a user manual for the alcoholic. I am not saying this just as a catchy phrase; the book is brief and to the point, covers the basic features of all models (excessive, abusive and alcoholic drinkers), covers maintenance and trouble shooting tips, and has an expansive resource list for getting further help.

Honestly, I had almost given up on recovery books- these days they all seem to fall in the useless categories of holistic sensationalism, quick fix cons, and self promoting ego trips. Lisa's book however is packed with facts, highly instructional, and not weighed down by useless fluff. You can read it in an afternoon, but just like a car manual, you'll want to keep it in the glove box so you can refer back to often for routine maintenance and in case of severe trouble.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Cherie Zappas Tannenbaum, NP on November 16, 2008
Format: Paperback
The author's research and experience is enlightening and her own stories will resonate with anyone who has known a problem drinker. I'm thrilled to finally have a book like this to recommend to patients, friends and family!
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