Customer Reviews

Love's Executioner, And Other Tales Of Psychotherapy

5 star:		(64)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

This book should be required reading for anybody either undergoing psychotherapy or providing it. Irvin Yalom uses his experience with ten clients to illustrate how people change in therapy. Sometimes the change comes out of brilliant insights, sometimes it comes from the therapist's mistakes. Either way, Yalom's integrity in relating these vignettes helps the reader understand the process better.

If you're not in therapy, perhaps this book will help you understand yourself and your internal processes a bit better. Which of Yalom's patients do you identify with? Which to you totally reject? Either of those patients, and Yalom's treatment of them, has something to teach you.

If you are in therapy, notice how Yalom treats his patients, how he thinks about them. How does this compare to your relationship with your therapist? Do you experience the same challenges, the same caring, the same dynamic? Or do you just show up and whine for an hour?

As a therapist, I found Yalom's work particularly brave. Who would write a book about their mistakes? Yet, from his mistakes, I find myself learning--and also better enabled to learn from my mistakes. Reading Love's Executioner helped to keep me from sitting on that God-like Throne and remember to be a human being with my clients; a fellow sufferer, an ally in the healing process.

And if the idea of therapy seems not to apply to you, then you may simply find this book a fascinating story about how a thoughtful and insightful man deals with the sorrows, wounds, and needs of other human beings. These stories impart a powerful understanding of human relationships, whether you're involved in therapy or not.

Five stars for candor and courage. Five stars for a sharp writing style that holds attention better than most "case studies," and five stars for choosing stories that speak to the depths of people's hearts.

(If you'd like to discuss this book or review, click on the link above to drop me an email. Thanks!)

This book was written by a man of great courage. He has openly and honestly exposed all of his personal and professional weaknesses. As a therapist myself, it was refreshing to read an honest representation of what actually occurs in therapy rather than a self-serving and white-washed version of what happened. The strength of this book is in Yalom's ability to express the intricacies of the therapeutic process, the stages that each therapeutic relationship can go through, and its impact on both therapist and client. Another strength, is Yalom's willingness to openly expose his own therapeutic failures. I have learnt a great deal from him about what actually works in therapy. I have also re-learnt the value of not inflicting one's own biases on one's own clients. This problem can be solved by either resolving one's own issues, or referring the client to someone else who may better suit the client's needs. Yalom openly confronted what occurs when a therapist persists with a client, when they are unable to create an effective therapeutic relationship. No-one is perfect, not even the great Yalom. In exposing his own weaknesses, Yalom risks being misunderstood or even ridiculed. However, by taking this risk, Yalom offers the reader the opportunity to thoroughly examine the therapeutic process itself, what works and what fails for therapists and clients alike. It was a great read, I couldn't put it down!

Just wanted to add that I'm sure therapists can learn more about the therapy process by reading this book, and clients can benefit not only from relating to the patients presented in the book -- but _also_, the added insight from getting a feel for the "big picture," of what the therapist is trying to do, can be very helpful to those in the recovery and healing process. One also leaves the stories with a great sense of admiration for Yalom. Yalom does a great job of verbalizing the process of counseling, with its infinite nuances.

Dr. Yalom certainly does not put himself on a pedestal. He is honest about his prejudices and shortcomings and because of that, is able to overcome them in many cases. His personal belief, "an unexamined life is not worth living" serves him, his patients, and his readers very well. Whether you are considering therapy, have been through therapy, or are simply interested in getting to know yourself a little better, this book is highly recommended.

In "Love's Executioner," Yalom shares fascinating and true stories from his psychotherapeutic relationships. He tells us that changes were made to protect the identities of his patients, but that he utilizes "symbolically equivalent substitutes," and he admits to fudging some of the dialogue, which is probably little different than anyone's post hoc process notes.

Yalom is a great therapist, a solid teacher, a good story-teller, and a good enough writer to make these tales well worth reading. These stories are probably entertaining enough on their own to be read by any audience, but they have immeasurable value for budding therapists. In Yalom's semi-fictionalized narratives, as in his more academic writing, he endorses a fluid, non-dogmatic approach to therapy. I enjoyed his comments on traditional psychoanalysts, who "seem more certain of everything than I am of anything," an attitude which Yalom claims serves to comfort the therapist but does nothing to help the patient: "Though there is something reassuring about an omniscient therapist who is always in control of every situation, there can be something powerfully engaging about a fumbling therapist, a therapist willing to flounder with the patient until they, together, stumble upon an enabling discovery." As something of a nascent flounder myself, I find this reassuring.

If I had to complain, and it's being petty, but I wish the title and cover illustration didn't make it look like I'm reading a second class romance novel. I know I shouldn't care what a train full of surly strangers thinks about my reading, but I do catch myself feeling a little self-conscious about it, especially because I catch myself jumping to conclusions about other people based on what they are reading. Especially here in Boston, when I see a person purposefully choose the Boston Herald over the Boston Globe, I know it can only mean one of two things, and they are both reprehensible. And the titles of the individual stories in this collection all make sense in the context of the therapeutic tales, but might be alarming to the other sardines reading over my shoulder on the rush hour greenline carriage. I know these are small-minded objections, but, what can I say?

Many of the reviewers have already discussed the details of the stories so I am going to keep my comments on Dr.Yalom's therapeutic approach. Being a psychiatrist myself, and having the luxury of receiving and giving therapy, I will say that Dr.Yalom's brutal honesty, his grasp of transference and countertransference, his humbleness in acknowledging his own blunders is simply breathtaking. He is a breath of fresh air as most psychotherapist, and analysts in particular have truly a hard time acknowledging their mistakes. You hear about their patients' transference but never about their own countertransference. Dr.Yalom bares it all. Reading him made me feel like I am back in supervision with an excellent teacher who truly knows what therapeutic relationship is. Most of us believe that it is our interpretation of patients fantasies and dreams that bring about change. The reality is most changes come about by the patients' own hard work and we only provide the safe environment for that to occur. Dr.Yalom humbly acknowledges that time and time again. His departure from fixed rigid rules, sometimes holding someone's hand, hugging someone, extending therapy session, reducing fee or not charging fee are all great examples of a therapist who is truly engaged with that particular patient and for every patient he creates a new therapeutic relationship. There is no cookie-cutter models, or algorithms for therapy.

A must for all therapists, therapists in training and people interested in therapy.

As a therpast in training this book was great! I loved reading about Yalom's version of his therapy sessions. I also enjoyed the fact that he is painfully honest. He does not deny that he is human and is willing to discuss his prejudices and downfalls as a therapist. The stories that he includes are both interesting and touching. I highly recommend this book!

Love's Executioner is a gripping read. Not only does Yalon provide the reader with ten difficult and interesting cases, he gives a powerful insight into the skills and dilemmas of the therapist. For therapists everywhere, this will fascinate and reassure that even the Grand-daddy of them all comes up against hurdles. Best $12 I have ever spent.

This book should be required reading for anybody either undergoing psychotherapy or providing it. Irvin Yalom uses his experience with ten clients to illustrate how people change in therapy. Sometimes the change comes out of brilliant insights, sometimes it comes from the therapist's mistakes. Either way, Yalom's integrity in relating these vignettes helps the reader understand the process better.

If you're not in therapy, perhaps this book will help you understand yourself and your internal processes a bit better. Which of Yalom's patients do you identify with? Which to you totally reject? Either of those patients, and Yalom's treatment of them, has something to teach you.

If you are in therapy, notice how Yalom treats his patients, how he thinks about them. How does this compare to your relationship with your therapist? Do you experience the same challenges, the same caring, the same dynamic? Or do you just show up and whine for an hour?

As a therapist, I found Yalom's work particularly brave. Who would write a book about their mistakes? Yet, from his mistakes, I find myself learning--and also better enabled to learn from my mistakes. Reading Love's Executioner helped to keep me from sitting on that God-like Throne and remember to be a human being with my clients; a fellow sufferer, an ally in the healing process.

And if the idea of therapy seems not to apply to you, then you may simply find this book a fascinating story about how a thoughtful and insightful man deals with the sorrows, wounds, and needs of other human beings. These stories impart a powerful understanding of human relationships, whether you're involved in therapy or not.

Five stars for candor and courage. Five stars for a sharp writing style that holds attention better than most "case studies," and five stars for choosing stories that speak to the depths of people's hearts.

(If you'd like to discuss this book or review, click on the link above to drop me an email. Thanks!)

Along with a mountain of other texts, this book was required reading in my first psychotherapy course. I was enrolled in a PhD program in clinical psychology, with a relatively strict orientation towards cognitive behavioral therapy. One of my concerns was that I would have to assume a persona, a guy in a labcoat with a clipboard. The most powerful impact Yalom's book had on me as a young therapy student was the understanding that who I am as a person both would and should impact who I am as a therapist. I felt liberated. Yes, I needed to have a philosophical/theoretical foundation to the work I would do with clients, but who I was would influence the work that I did.

I experienced the "narcissism" that so appalled some reviewers as breathtaking honesty. We are all of us human. Any therapist who reports being free of all unacceptable responses to clients, of never having a thought or engaging in an exchange that was more a function of one's own history and struggles is either deluded or a liar. Should doing therapy with clients be a substitute for addressing all of one's own foibles? Absolutely not, nor does Yalom suggest as much. However, a therapist who experiences clients as "less than," people from whom we can learn nothing, fills me with far more dread than a therapist who acknowledges an ignoble response to a client or the fact that s/he is also imperfect and capable of prejudice. None of us who is honest can say that we have each and every one of these reactions and prejudices perfectly catalogued or perfectly conquered. Life is about growth. I don't think we're supposed to stop doing that until we enter the Great Dirt Nap.

As for those upset by some of his revelations, (e.g., to the "fat lady," his internal sexual response to female clients) I have two questions: 1) Prior to achieving sublime self-actualization wherein I no longer have such inappropriate responses, just what *should* I do about them? Pretend they aren't there? Engage in self-flagellation like a medieval monk? Well, a wise person knows where these approaches lead; 2) Do you really think that the 20 or so pages of each vignette actually encompasses every important aspect of the therapy, or is Yalom attempting to address some very limited themes and issues?

It has been about 18 years since I first read Yalom's book and let me say that I do not conduct therapy as Dr. Yalom does. First, I am not Irvin Yalom, nor have I ever tried to be Irvin Yalom. Secondly, the ugly reality of the field of psychotherapy today is that unless one exclusively services the very wealthy (something I am not willing to do--behold one of my own unconquered prejudices), we are very limited as to the time we can spend with our clients. I still consider myself to be a cognitive-behavioral therapist, an orientation of which Yalom is not a big fan. I also have some disagreements with Yalom regarding the value of diagnosis and other matters. But in addition to the early liberation I described above, Yalom's wonderful book has helped me to be less doctrinaire, more flexible, willing to embrace alternate approaches and more client-focused, more accepting of my own imperfections and understanding the absolute necessity of addressing them. I think I'm a damned good therapist, and I thank Yalom and this book for setting me on the road.

When starting work with an intern, I typically give them a copy of this book. As a goodbye, I give a copy of Yalom's The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients. The latter is an excellent selection of brief lessons in conducting psychotherapy and is also highly recommended. I can't guarantee that every psychotherapist-in-training or practicing psychotherapist who reads them will have a transforming experience, but I would hope that at minimum one would pick up an idea or two that will positively impact your practice in the future.