Customer Reviews

Love's Learning Place: Truth as Aphrodisiac in Women's Long-Term Relationships

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

"Truth as aphrodisiac" - what an irresistible, intoxicating image. I wish I had thought of it. Renate Stendhal writes in an intimate, personal-essay style. She is a therapist as well as a writer, by the way. But her book is not one of those how-to books, though I learned a lot, and certainly I think Stendhal wants her readers to reconsider how they make love, what they want from love and sex, and who they are as lovers. She quotes Adrienne Rich about how, between lovers, lies the amazing capacity to "Do justice to our own complexity." This, says Stendhal, "has the unexpected physical reward of setting love free."

Stendhal investigates how love is set free with compassion, determination, originality, and playfulness. She writes about her personal experiences, about the therapeutic process of lesbian couples, whom she counseled, and about the thoughts and ideas that she develops as a result of her counseling work. At times, the book reads like a meditation on sex and desire, which keeps it very interesting. And she comes up with these clever turns of phrase, which I really appreciated. For example: "Sex without penetration is not really sex, as we have learned, thanks to Bill Clinton." And: "Lesbian couples tend to merge and therefore lose their sexual appetite. I doubt that anything could be that simple." Exactly. That is the premise of Stendhal's book, and why it's so appealing.

At first I felt the author makes it too easy, like "a truth a day keeps bed death away". It's not easy at all, it's scary to tell the truth. I try to avoid it all I can, but I admit I am also afraid of bed death. Everyone I know is. So then I liked the challenge. Challenge can be sexy. I am not gay but I could identify with the women in the book. I broke off relationships because I got so bored sexually, and then I worked so hard on sex that it wasn't fun any more. The book made me understand a lot of stuff. It also made me laugh, because you really see how other couples try to deal with it, and that's funny and scary and sexy. I like short books that give a lot. No boredom there.

Love's Learning Place: Truth as Aphrodisiac in Women's Long-Term Relationships by spiritual and psychological women's counselor Renate Stendhal, is a human sexuality self-help guide for lesbian women in long-term relationships. Focusing on openness and truth as the key to keeping sexual desire alive, and enhanced with anecdotes from lesbian couples, Love's Learning Place focuses on the simple yet profound idea that communication matters, and takes the lead in debunking pervasive myths - such as the idea that one should "just know" what feels good in sex, or that sex should come automatically and instinctively. Although written especially for women in lesbian relationships, Love's Learning Place offers a powerful common sense viewpoint applicable to all long-term sexual partnerships.

I found an excerpt in The Advocate sex issue this summer and read that this interesting author lived in Paris "as a boy". Me and my partner of 6 years are reading this book to each other in bed. We love "Love School"! We are learning something amazing every time we read. It is changing our sex life. No, our love life. Men can get a few hot ideas from the women in this book. Not just the talking, also the thinking about truth. Not just in bed. The author has ways to make one aware of lies and false beliefs. It clears the head. Then the doing. Don't miss out.

This wise little book belongs on your bookshelf if you treasure your lover but feel stuck in your sexual relationship. The key is to develop the language for erotic truth and find ways to communicate it, says author Renate Stendhal, a psychological counselor in Berkeley and San Francisco.

Based on her work with lesbian couples, Stendhal shows through lively anecdotes how partners often fear telling the truth about their most secret fears, afraid of spelling the end of the relationship. They couldn't be more wrong, says the author. "More effective than booze, drugs, pain or separation, truth-telling is a skill that can be learned, and one doesn't have to be a master to reap the erotic benefits."

"Telling the truth is an adventure," she says, "a loosening of control in order to do something daring. This is the first element truth has in common with good sex."

This book is based on the relationship issues of lesbian couples
but it deals with a question asked worriedly by people of all
sexualities: What do you do when you and your lover are having
problems with your sex life? It is a scenario many of us have gone
through; we meet someone and the sex seems great. Time passes and
the relationship becomes more serious but the sex just is not what
it once was. What now?

Stendhal brings up the idea that we, as a society, are forced to
conform to a mainstream conception of sexuality and in doing so, we
bury our own secret desires. Her antidote for breaking down
barriers in one's sexuality is to combat them with pure and stark
truths found through intense self-discovery. She encourages us to
reach beyond shame and fear to uncover truths with our partner.
This process and result is promised to be more fulfilling, sexually
and emotionally, then all of the so-called passions of the

"honeymoon" phase of a relationship.

Sex is a topic that constantly pervades our culture. My generation of 20-somethings is supposedly sexually liberated, especially when compared to past generations. However, how liberated can we possibly be, when sexuality is only portrayed from the stereotypical perspective of men? As a 21-year-old woman, I belong to an age group who consider themselves very knowledgeable and open in their sexualities. In moments of strictest confidence with my girlfriends, though, we have revealed to each other how embarrassingly little we really know about our own sexualities. We compare our experiences to those portrayed in the media and because of the vast difference between the two, we assume that something is wrong with us. Renate Stendhal helps us feel confident in our own desires and perceptions as women, and gives excellent advice on how to unlock our passions. This is a great read for anyone who wonders how to sustain their romantic relationships.

I found an excerpt in The Advocate sex issue this summer and read that this interesting author lived in Paris "as a boy". Me and my partner of 6 years are reading this book to each other in bed. We love "Love School"! We are learning something amazing every time we read. It is changing our sex life. No, our love life. Men can get a few hot ideas from the women in this book. Not just the talking, also the thinking about truth. Not just in bed. The author has ways to make one aware of lies and false beliefs. It clears the head. Then the doing. Don't miss out.

I loved Love's Learning Place! I am a heterosexual woman, with the same man for 14 years. Let's face it: monogamy can get old after a while. But I learned from this book how to re-ignite the sparks in my sexual relationship. This book is a tremendous resource, not just for lesbians, but for ALL women who want to get the most out of their sexual relationships. Move over Dr. Ruth, here comes Renate Stendhal!