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Loves Me...Not: How to Survive (and Thrive!) in the Face of Unrequited Love Paperback – January 28, 2014

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Loves Me...Not: How to Survive (and Thrive!) in the Face of Unrequited Love + Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change + How to Break Your Addiction to a Person
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"The author has insight to the inner psyche that readers will appreciate and her book offers sound advice." - Library Journal 

"O’Shea...boldly includes stories from her own life that, while often unflattering, serve well for hindsight-based observation and instruction. Readers seeking to shake a bout of love sickness will find solid advice and coping skills."
-Publishers Weekly

About the Author

Samara O'Shea is the author of Note to Self: On Keeping a Journal and Other Dangerous Pursuits and For the Love of Letters: A 21st-Century Guide to the Art of Letter Writing. In addition to writing letters and wedding vows on behalf of others at LetterLover.net, Samara is also a blogger for The Huffington Post, and her writing has appeared in Country Living, Woman's Day, and All You.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 264 pages
  • Publisher: February Books (January 28, 2014)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0984954384
  • ISBN-13: 978-0984954384
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.5 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (45 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #720,311 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Samara O'Shea has been blonde, brunette, and currently enjoys life as a red head. She is the author of two books that praise the written word--Note to Self: On Keeping a Journal and Other Dangerous Pursuits and For the Love of Letters: A 21st-Century Guide to the Art of Letter Writing. Her third book, entitled Loves Me...Not: How to Survive (and Thrive!) in the Face of Unrequited Love, is now available. Her writing has appeared in publications such as Marie Claire and Woman's Day and she is a blogger for The Huffington Post. Samara is currently pursuing a master's degree in social work at Temple University.

www.SamaraOShea.com

https://twitter.com/SamaraOShea

https://www.facebook.com/IrishSamara

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful By blondewriter99 on January 26, 2014
Format: Paperback
(Full disclosure: I am a writer who received an advanced copy of this book and also know the author personally.) There are many books out there on how to "snag" a man; how to keep a man; how to make a relationship work, or make it hotter. But scant few books (if any?) about how to let one gracefully go. Samara O'Shea tackles that somewhat uncharted territory with heart, verve, and expertise. She starts off with herself -- she used to be one of those women who clung, clung, clung, even when the man was scrambling to get away (men are interesting creatures -- they can simultaneously sleep with you and scramble). After a couple of painful encounters of this nature, Samara finally asked herself what she could do to learn how to let go when appropriate -- and if the man is getting married (as happened twice in her romantic history), it's probably -- no, definitely -- time to let go. Samara walks the reader through this difficult but necessary and ultimately empowering phase like only a caring, and smarter than you, girlfriend can. She's been there, done that, and learned her lessons. She shares them with us in a way that will have you underlining and folding page corners for future reference. If you're still clinging to the idea that someone who has made it clear they're not interested (like they're engaged or haven't called you in two weeks!) will come to his senses and bang your door down, get this book immediately.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By GadgetG on August 30, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Just finished this book and will be reading it again (and then maybe even a 3rd time). Ms. O'Shea really understands the subject matter and she provides wonderful support along with a wealth of information. Understanding the brain chemistry component to obsession that often occurs when love or a crush is unrequited is very important, because surges of dopamine in the brain are the chemical backbone to the ongoing internal drama. To me it feels like my brain is being marinated in that 'love' chemical (aka dopamine) as soon as I get that spark of intense interest in someone. It doesn't happen all that often, but when it does happen, whoosh! It's a high, for sure, but with it comes an increase in obsessive thinking. It's important to at least understand the brain chemistry around the experience even if it doesn't become a problem for you, personally.

While I knew before there is no way to make someone be interested in or love you if they aren't or don't, it's still helpful to be reminded that you are the same person as ever -- the same wonderful person whether or not someone else falls for you. When dealing with unrequited attraction or what feels like love, the only thing you can do is to learn strategies to cope to get beyond and past it and with hopefully less pain and frustration. Letting go and accept reality is a huge part of the process, along with continuing to be just who you are, which is all you ever need to be. What also helps is realizing that this is something almost everyone encounters in their life at one time or another.

I've gone through unrequited attractions more times than I'd like, and am in the process of healing once again from another "ouch!" I am thankful Samara O'Shea wrote such a heartfelt book about her own and others' experiences as well as delved into the subject. I wish I had no need for this book, but alas, I have and do. Thank you Ms O'Shea. I wish I could meet you in person to give you a hug.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Jenee Lendzion on March 6, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I enjoyed this book so much I didn't want it to end. It is so relevant to relationships in the world we live in today. Not only romantic relationships, but also relationships with friends and family. I love the way the author references historic figures, pop culture icons, as well as people she worked with at a bar in Manhattan. This book makes you think about who you are and who you want to be. It celebrates the critical thinking nonconformist. It makes you question why we are always 'future tripping' and not living in and enjoying the moment as it is right now. Why do we find ourselves prodding someone to be with us - whether it is a boyfriend or a platonic friend. After reading this book you can't help but handle all future relationships in a more dignified, self-aware, level headed way.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Chris on February 27, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Look, we ALL have scars from the bumps and bruises we experience in this lifetime. And not one of us escapes love (ahh, why, oh why does the English language only have ONE word for a myriad of emotions?!? I digress, sorry. . . ) without the experiences described by Ms. O'Shea in this wonderfully charming book. Samara O'Shea takes her life experiences and allows us to peak into the process of how she has learned some beautiful lessons. Whether single (like the author) or married (like myself), I feel that Loves Me . . . Not can be a salve for the scars you have . . . whether they are fresh or buried. Further, Ms. O'Shea delivers it in such a feel-good, easy-going way that you may just find yourself thinking you can pick up the phone and share your own story with her, too.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Melanie Holmes on August 17, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
There's so much that I love about this book. I love how O'Shea refers to research on marriage, that there is actually a science involving dopamine levels that sky-rocket when `new love' blossoms. But eventually, the dopamine levels out, and what you find is that you must let go of the assumption that someone else will help you find happiness. O'Shea talks about self-love as the first and most important step in finding love outside yourself. Letting go of the assumption that society tells you - that you "must" be in love (ie, have a partner beyond your BFF or pet), or you're missing out. Realizing that we are "complete" in and of ourselves is key. As O'Shea puts it, "Accepting life for what it is rather than what you think it should be." I love how O'Shea explains that relationships are emotional investments - you have to put a lot in it if you want anything out of it. In other words, life is not perfect, and relationships don't just unfold and lead you down the "happy path." You must work at it, and accept that it takes a lot of work. I also love how she stresses that it's okay not to have a partner; we are complete persons with or without a partner. Some people are happier on their own - and that is MORE THAN OK! No one should try to define "normal" for someone else. That's not okay!

She gives so many stories from real life besides her own - such as Hans Christian Andersen (I never knew any of this! No spoiler alerts in this review!). And citing examples of people we know today, such as George Clooney and Kelsey Grammer - and the insightful message that "Marriage is funny that way--you don't necessarily get better at it the more often you do it" - which speaks to the idea that "the grass is NOT always greener in another's pasture." Relationships. Take. Work.
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