Customer Reviews

Lovetypes: Discover Your Romantic Style And Find Your Soul Mate

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(10)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Dr. Avila proposes a theory for how people will be romantically compatible based on their Myers-Briggs type indicator. He has done a nice job describing the behavioral characteristics of each type. However, I disagree with his hypothesis on appropriate matches. I was surprised that Dr. Avila did not incorporate other research into his book.

For each type, he believes that the exact same type would be appropriate - or the exact opposite type. Other research suggests that people need to share at least 2 preferences to be compatible. Moreover, that the one dichotomy that people often match up on is the S and N. His theories are also in direct contradiction to Kiersey's Temperament - which states that Idealists and Artisans are fundamentally at odds, as are Rationals and Guardians. Avila recommends these matches.

I also found his recommendations for venues to meet partners to be weak. Unless one is in their mid-20s, I can't imagine going to a law library to meet an INTJ.

I don't think that this book was worth the money.

I heard the author in a workshop that he gave and it really whet my appetite to read the book and try out what he suggests.

I have read countless books on dating, trying to figure out what I have been doing wrong, how/why I keeping picking/attracting the wrong partners, why there has been so much resentment, conflict and bitterness in my past relationships, etc.

After I read the book it all became crystal clear to me. I had been considering personality compatibility, but only in a general way. Neither my partners nor I were "bad" people, we were just the "wrong" people for each other.

Dr. Avila's book enables you to "type" yourself, how to quickly size up others for their "type" and my favorite features, WHERE to meet others of your compatible type and HOW to attract and build relationships with them. These techniques apply to BOTH opposite AND same sex friendships. Very targeted, specific information, very rare in dating books.

I realize now that by following the advice in other dating books, I was hanging out in the wrong places to meet MY best type.

His theories sound rock solid both from a psychological and common sense point of view.

I think that his book settles once and for all the opposites attract, but do they stay together debate.

Lastly, I commend Dr. Avila for going beyond the theory, and putting the principles into practice by actually encouraging/helping set up LoveType social groups. In fact, I am going to his book signing tonight, to be followed by mingling and discussion of starting up a social group in the Los Angeles area. I'm REALLY looking forward to what might come of it!

Feel free to contact me with questions or comments .

Alexander Avila's LoveTypes is the single best book I've EVER read in my quests for self-understanding and for meeting the right mate. Charmingly written and drop-dead accurate, it's an immensely practical, easy-to-use system that saved me from marrying the wrong man. What a revelation! Suddently I see where I went wrong, over & over, in my 50 years. Using the myriad insights gleaned from LoveTypes, I can now accurately identify my "best bets" for both friends and romantic partners--in advance--instead of getting carried away by wishful-thinking or trying to fit round pegs into square holes. Dr. Avila's compassionate attitudes also reassured me that as a relatively rare personality [Idealistic Philosopher--INFP], it's NOT my imagination: there aren't alot of us out there! I also read Just Your Type, also excellent, but find that LoveTypes is more condensed, with a terrific format. Instead of using the rather confusing Myers-Briggs 4-letters (ESTJ, ISFP, etc,), Avila identifies the 16 personality types with delightful, easier to use descriptions, such as "The General" [ENTJ]. I used some invaluable practical tips on locating compatible people, with amazing results. As a bonus, reading LoveTypes feels like a big hug!

If you're tired of attracting or being attracted to the wrong people for you, this is a good book to not only show you what you've been doing wrong, but what to look for, and where to find Mr. or Ms. right.

If you haven't been introduced to personality typing, there is much more to understand about this fascinating and often life-changing subject that will be useful to you. I'd start with "Please Understand Me" by Kiersey, and strongly recommend "Survival Games Personalities Play" by Eve Delunas to understand what people from each personality type do when things go bad, and most importantly, what you can do about it.

Getting back to LoveTypes, one minor improvement I wish the author would make is in his "Where to find your mate" areas. I detected a strong preference towards upwardly mobile people. I mean, wine is great, but not everyone is going to find their perfect mate at a wine tasting event. Some of the other personality-type books are better rounded in this area.

I don't want to sound like I'm slamming the book, however; I gave it 4 stars, after all. For those of you who are already committed to (stuck with?) a mate you are feeling incompatible with, please read "Survival Games", noted above. You just might find ways to improve your love life, and even learn to appreciate your partner's strengths.

Even though a popular belief among relationship watchers is that opposites attract, in this book I learned that for some types - and I'm one of them - similarity makes for greater compatibility. For example, I remember a special date. It was a once-in-a lifetime concert by a famous violinist & I invited my boyfriend - an opposite type - to accompany me. I was transported by the music; meanwhile, he was fussing & fuming about the comfort of the seats. He never once commented on the music. I couldn't believe it! I'm tired of trying to make such differences "work".

I've read some good relationship books, including John Gray and another about personality types ("16 Ways to Love Your Lover"), but this is the only one to use the Jungian Typeology for help with finding a compatible partner.

This book gives me new courage and hope of finding a soulmate instead of just gaining dating experience.

As a female INTP, I hoped this book would provide more insight as to which types would be more compatible with my type. For INTPs, he gives the life sentence of singleness, as (statistically speaking, according to the author) INTPs have the highest divorce rate, and usually have no idea what is going on if they are even in a relationship. On top of that, he gives dating tips for male INTPs but NOT female INTPs, and so this book is useless for me.

I don't mind the reality that he gives for the INTP--we ARE difficult to partner with, but he gave no hope or advice for actual INTPs. Furthermore, the pairings he does offer for other types are questionable at best. He always has the same advice, it seems, which is to choose the exact opposite of one's type, or to choose an exact match, both of which are generally "no-no" by other MBTI standards as one can lead to serious misunderstandings and the other can encourage the same weaknesses inherent in each partner. I cannot recommend this book at all.

I had taken the Myers-Briggs personality test about four times before a friend of mine showed me this book. Having had the exact same results from the personality test each time, I had a lot of faith in the system and thought that this book could offer some great insights into comaptibility and the dating scene in general. I was not disappointed. I recognized my last failed relationship immediately and finally understood what it was that went so terribly wrong. Since I am an extreme in three of the components of my type, I have little patience for people whose types are the exact opposite of mine. What's more, the relationships that affected me the most, the ones in which I felt the most connected to my partner, were the same "perfect matches" that Dr. Avila recommends. The most refreshing part of this book was the fact that Dr. Avila makes no judgments about personality. One type is not preferrable over another. The personality traits I had previously seen as flawed or less desirable are now simply differences. In other words, they're not my type! The only part of this I was uncomfortable with was the advice on getting close to your match and making them fall in love with you. Because I am a romantic at heart, I squirm anytime anyone suggests being someone you're not in order to win someone's affections, though, in the end this is not what he intends. Still, I highly recommend this book especially to those who are intropspective and love psychology.

The author introduces the ideas associated with Briggs-Myers personality traits classification to the area of romantic compatibility. He does a good job of explaining the adjustment patterns of all sixteen such types. The book is easy to read. With a few exception, his recommendations boil down to: (1) Stick to your own MBTI type, or (2) A female I, F, or P will also be compatible with the corresponding male E, T, or J. (And vice versa). I believe author's recommendations are undamentally sound. The book is aimed at singles who are still looking, not at couples working through their differences. Though the later group may also find the book interesting and useful.

Weaknesses: (1) The author seems to borrow a lot from Keirsey and Bates' book "Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types" (There's a newer edition of this book). (2) It is not clear what additional/original research was supplied by the author; or the depth, breadth, and rigor of such "research". (3) The personality characteristics author describes are those of a well adjusted person of that Briggs-Myers type. There is no description of how these types behave in a relationship when they feel "under stress". (4) The personality test in the book is a McTest, useful for entertainment purposes only. (For a few bucks you can get a professional caliber test on the Web).

Still, on the whole this is a good book. If you are interested in getting a better understanding of the mechanics of romantic compatibility, and you never looked at it from the point of view of MBTI classifications, this book is highly recommended.

After many frustrating dating experiences, I was ready for a book like LoveTypes. Once I discovered my own LoveType, my personal romantic style, I realized that I was Introverted (I liked my own company a lot), practical, logical, and structured. I needed a woman who was similar in my personality preferences,and I needed to find out how to meet her (after all, I was Introverted). LoveTypes was clear, easy-to-follow, and based on strong research. The assumptive approach in LoveTypes is sheer genius: I could observe the women I was interested in and quickly determine their LoveType and know if they were likely to be compatible with me. Then, using the book's hot tips and strategies, I could win my ideal mate's heart and build a real compatible and wonderful relationship. IT WORKED! I've recently met a lovely woman, and we're going to be engaged soon. LoveTypes is the most remarkable self-help book I have ever read. It's not just a book, it's an adventure, the dating approach that really works!

Dr. Avila has hit the nail on the head with this book. It was a relief to discover my personality type and a resourse to determine LoveType matches that best suit me. I am a female Social Philosopher with a lot of energy, it is a challenge to find a mate who can keep up with me. This book is easy to understand and fun to put into practice. My friends really enjoy learning about the LoveType System. It is a must for your library.