Loving Each One Best: A Caring and Practical Approach to Raising Siblings [Paperback]

Nancy Samalin (Author), Catherine Whitney (Contributor)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 6, 1997

All those baby boomers who have embarked on the journey of raising their second and third children have found themselves left in the lurch by existing child care literature. Now child care expert Nancy Samalin, who has earned a reputation for her forgiving and empowering approach to parenting, brings her inspiring outlook to this guide to the pitfalls and rewards of parenting two or more children.



Parents who consider themselves pros after the first child are in for a surprise when the encounter life after the second child is born and beyond. Suddenly their world is an exhausting haze of competing demands, perpetual squabbling, sibling rivalry, complaints of unfairness and "you love him more" (and sometimes you do), unrelenting stress, and a pervasive sense of guilt and inadequacy. Culled from her years of workshops with hundreds of parents, Nancy Samalin shares the trials and joys of parenthood and provides specific advice on steering your way through the parenting rapids. This is a must-read for today's harried parents.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

With warmth and humor, parenting expert Samalin (Love and Anger and Loving Your Child Is Not Enough) comes to the aid of parents who have entered the sibling minefield. Tackling the big issues (what to do when the new baby arrives) and small ones (what to do when there is only one bowl of the favorite cereal left), she offers strategies culled from her workshops and seminars and hundreds of questionnaire responses from parents and children. There are parent-tested ideas for avoiding the fairness trap and what to do when a child's complaint about his brother is that "he's breathing on me." Also discussed is how to get the kids out of the house in the morning and into bed at night without feeling like a traffic cop. Samalin discusses ways and means of carving out personal time, reducing stress and expressing anger without being destructive. Anecdotes drawn from real-life situations may occasionally strike some as overwrought, but are generally helpful. This is a good book to have when you're having more than one. First serial to Good Housekeeping and Parents' magazines; author tour.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

Samalin, a consulting editor and columnist for Parents magazine and author of Loving Your Child Is Not Enough: Positive Discipline That Works (Viking, 1987) and the award-winning Love and Anger: The Parental Dilemma (Viking, 1991), offers here additional practical advice to parents. Combined with the author's expertise, Loving draws upon experiences and ideas from respondents to a 20-item questionnaire and participants in Samalin's parent guidance workshops. Topics addressed include adjustment to new siblings, parental fairness, sibling bickering, and dealing with children's differences. One chapter has girls aged nine to 16 tell their perceptions of sibling and parent relationships. Loving focuses on raising siblings, thus not duplicating Samalin's earlier books. Written in conversational style and filled with anecdotes, Loving is easy to read and helpful. A suggested reading list of 75 books on various aspects of parenting is included. Recommended for public libraries.?Carol R. Nelson, Ball State Univ. Lib., Muncie, Ind.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (January 6, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553378341
• ISBN-13: 978-0553378344
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.5 x 8.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #400,640 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

52 of 53 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars compared to Siblings without Rivalry, August 13, 2005

By 

Auntie Claus (seattle, WA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Loving Each One Best: A Caring and Practical Approach to Raising Siblings (Paperback)

I ordered this book along with Siblings without Rivalry and read them both today, reading Loving Each One Best first. My verdict: I love Siblings Without Rivalry better. Both books for the most part offer the same good insights: fair is not equal; equality is impossible anyway; children want to be unique, but not compared or labeled; parent-induced competition should be avoided; intervene thoughtfully and try to get children to ultimately solve the problem themselves; children want to be noticed, listened to, and uniquely appreciated; and many more.
The big quality difference is the examples of dialogue. Despite these insights, LEOB contains dialogue in which one child is compared to another to make him feel better, the other child is put down to make the other feel better, the other child is excluded (through secrets between one child and a parent or by the parent and child griping about what a pain the other one is) to give one child and the parent a bond and feel like "allies."
I noticed that In Siblings Without Rivalry, the parents speak to either encourage the child to continue talking ("oh?") or to communicate that he/she has understood what the child has said ("you'd like it if he'd ask before using your things.") In LEOB, I noticed the parent often stated how the child felt before the child did and it was the child who was left with the one or two word lines:

p.75 Anita: She socked me in the back and I wasn't doing anything!
Marcella: I bet you'd like me to go yell at her.
Anita: Yeah!
Marcella: And you'd like me to punish her severly.
Anita: Yeah!
Marcella: I know. She really makes you mad. Sometimes it's not easy to have a younger sister.

p. 85
Gail: When she [stepsister] is around, which is always, I don't seem to matter.
Frances: (trying to inject humor) Hey, join the club! Simma is very demanding. Five-year-olds can be like that. Listen, can I tell you a secret?
Gail: What?
Frances: Sometimes I too miss the way it used to be when it was just us. You're the only daughter who is all mine, and that makes you extra special. But I would hate for Simma to feel she's not welcome in our home. Maybe you could help me with that.
Gail: Yeah I guess so.
Frances: Great! I'd appreciate your ideas. I'm new at this stepfamily business too.
You certainly couldn't have this dialogue if Simma were adopted. Does extra special mean favorite? And "injecting humor" seemed more like blowing her off.

Try putting "109" (for page 109) into the Search Inside This Book bar for another imbalanced dialogue.

It is also worth knowing, I think, that Siblings without Rivalry is focused solely on sibling relationships whereas LEOB also spends time on, say, how you and your spouse divide up labor.
And while LEOB talks a lot about how hard it is to be the parent of more than one child -which is nice to hear- SWR talks a lot about the perspective of the child which is useful to hear. If you have time for both, go ahead and get both. If you want just one, Siblings Without Rivalry is the better book.

31 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best Book Out There on Siblings, April 18, 2000

By 

Amy Bean (Northern Minnesota, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Loving Each One Best: A Caring and Practical Approach to Raising Siblings (Paperback)

How lucky I was to learn of this book when my second child was a newborn. I've read many good books and articles about sibling relationships, but this is far and away the most practical and insightful guide I have found. Using examples from real families, Ms. Samalin illustrates typical conflicts that arise between siblings and parents. What really sets this book apart from others is that she goes on to suggest, in very specific language, alternate ways to approach these conflicts to defuse them peacefully. Reading this book was like talking to a friend who understands -- and who happens to be an expert in conflict resolution. I now give it to friends as a baby shower gift when they are adding siblings to their families.

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Refreshing and reassuring!, March 15, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Loving Each One Best: A Caring and Practical Approach to Raising Siblings (Paperback)

As parenting "manuals" go, this book is really a breed apart. It offers a realistic and upbeat attitude, and it's easy and quick to read. Using other parents' anecdotes as well as her own, Samalin provides a level-headed, big-picture perspective that is often humorous and always comforting. Even if you're just expecting your second child, this book is useful because it opens with chapters on preparing older siblings for the arrival of a new baby. Wish I'd read this one a few years ago. Highly recommended!