Customer Reviews

Loving Each One Best: A Caring and Practical Approach to Raising Siblings

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3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I ordered this book along with Siblings without Rivalry and read them both today, reading Loving Each One Best first. My verdict: I love Siblings Without Rivalry better. Both books for the most part offer the same good insights: fair is not equal; equality is impossible anyway; children want to be unique, but not compared or labeled; parent-induced competition should be avoided; intervene thoughtfully and try to get children to ultimately solve the problem themselves; children want to be noticed, listened to, and uniquely appreciated; and many more.
The big quality difference is the examples of dialogue. Despite these insights, LEOB contains dialogue in which one child is compared to another to make him feel better, the other child is put down to make the other feel better, the other child is excluded (through secrets between one child and a parent or by the parent and child griping about what a pain the other one is) to give one child and the parent a bond and feel like "allies."
I noticed that In Siblings Without Rivalry, the parents speak to either encourage the child to continue talking ("oh?") or to communicate that he/she has understood what the child has said ("you'd like it if he'd ask before using your things.") In LEOB, I noticed the parent often stated how the child felt before the child did and it was the child who was left with the one or two word lines:

p.75 Anita: She socked me in the back and I wasn't doing anything!
Marcella: I bet you'd like me to go yell at her.
Anita: Yeah!
Marcella: And you'd like me to punish her severly.
Anita: Yeah!
Marcella: I know. She really makes you mad. Sometimes it's not easy to have a younger sister.

p. 85
Gail: When she [stepsister] is around, which is always, I don't seem to matter.
Frances: (trying to inject humor) Hey, join the club! Simma is very demanding. Five-year-olds can be like that. Listen, can I tell you a secret?
Gail: What?
Frances: Sometimes I too miss the way it used to be when it was just us. You're the only daughter who is all mine, and that makes you extra special. But I would hate for Simma to feel she's not welcome in our home. Maybe you could help me with that.
Gail: Yeah I guess so.
Frances: Great! I'd appreciate your ideas. I'm new at this stepfamily business too.
You certainly couldn't have this dialogue if Simma were adopted. Does extra special mean favorite? And "injecting humor" seemed more like blowing her off.

Try putting "109" (for page 109) into the Search Inside This Book bar for another imbalanced dialogue.

It is also worth knowing, I think, that Siblings without Rivalry is focused solely on sibling relationships whereas LEOB also spends time on, say, how you and your spouse divide up labor.
And while LEOB talks a lot about how hard it is to be the parent of more than one child -which is nice to hear- SWR talks a lot about the perspective of the child which is useful to hear. If you have time for both, go ahead and get both. If you want just one, Siblings Without Rivalry is the better book.

How lucky I was to learn of this book when my second child was a newborn. I've read many good books and articles about sibling relationships, but this is far and away the most practical and insightful guide I have found. Using examples from real families, Ms. Samalin illustrates typical conflicts that arise between siblings and parents. What really sets this book apart from others is that she goes on to suggest, in very specific language, alternate ways to approach these conflicts to defuse them peacefully. Reading this book was like talking to a friend who understands -- and who happens to be an expert in conflict resolution. I now give it to friends as a baby shower gift when they are adding siblings to their families.

As parenting "manuals" go, this book is really a breed apart. It offers a realistic and upbeat attitude, and it's easy and quick to read. Using other parents' anecdotes as well as her own, Samalin provides a level-headed, big-picture perspective that is often humorous and always comforting. Even if you're just expecting your second child, this book is useful because it opens with chapters on preparing older siblings for the arrival of a new baby. Wish I'd read this one a few years ago. Highly recommended!

I hate to rate this book so low, but for me I could not sit through it. After reading Sibs w/o Rivalry, this book did not seem well organized or written well. The chapters are sort of condesending and not very deep - such as: What to do when you bring them home from the hosptial. Lighten up. It's a really tough job... If you want specific, real and practical tips on making a peaceful household with multiple children and helping your children get along with each other - turn to the other book. This one is just not very good - sorry...

I strongly recommend reading this book for the first time when you are pregnant with your second child. Then, keep it handy and refer to it often as your children grow. Nancy Samalin offers both insight in understanding and practical advise about handling sibling relationships.

Siblings are the toughest issue. As one of three and the parent of three, I have considerable experience. But this book helped me see the issues with my kids in a clearer light and permitted me to exhale. A must read!

I bought this book after having my second child, and I've enjoyed reading it, but it didn't have quite as many helpful suggestions for helping my toddler adjust to his new sister as I would like. Still, it did provide reassurance that his reaction and my feelings about it were normal. Ithink the book will be more helpful to me as my kids get older.

The biggest challenge of parenting for me (my husband and I raised four children, close in age) was always the sibling issue -- dealing with squabbles, making sure one child wasn't feeling neglected, avoiding greasing only the squeaky wheel, etc. This book served as a parenting friend for me during those wonderfully challenging years. Samalin provided support, encouragement, and very specific advice (such as responding to a child's desire, not the complaint). She recognized and accepted my occasional anger and gave me ways to deal with it. She injected a light-heartedness that improved my perspective. Most importantly, she helped me become a better mother than I otherwise would have been. So I highly recommend this book to anyone else in the thick of raising a family.

My husband and I have found this book to be our "bible" when it comes with dealing with our two children. Ms. Samalin gives concise, clear and often entertaining examples of real parents. It is the most helpful book I've read since "Siblings Without Rivalry" which was over a decade ago! "Loving Each One Best" is an absolute must read. I can't recommend it enough!