Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way [Paperback]

Susan K. Perry (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1, 2003

Based upon the concept of Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's international bestseller, Loving in Flow combines the author's own experiences with studies of dozens of unusually happy long-term and married couples to discuss how compromise and communication, and being "in flow," are the keys to building solid and long-lasting relationships. Perry uses interviews and recent research to discuss every aspect of a relationship, from the initial meeting through childbearing and beyond. With uncommon candor, she tackles often-neglected subjects such as:
--Dealing with crazy-making habits
--Communicating about sex
--Solving the chore wars
--Making sense of infidelity
--Adjusting to the strain of parenthood
Loving in Flow spotlights the most successful couples and offers readers a practical and positive guide to getting more out of their relationships and helping them sustain a joyous love life that truly flows.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Perry, a social psychologist and the author of Writing in Flow: Keys to Enhanced Creativity, draws on the ups and downs in her own marriage as well as interviews with other couples, both straight and gay, to glean many of her insights in this detailed exploration of the complexity inherent in coupledom. In the "Coping With Conflict" chapter, for example, she advises readers to "Be a Weatherperson" ("Assess what else is going on in your lives that might be contributing to this particular clash"), and in the "Sex (More or Less)" chapter, she acknowledges that "it can be quite erotic to...share full-bodied laughter to the point of near-exhaustion." No doubt anyone who's ever been in a relationship will see themselves reflected in at least some of this book-after all, who hasn't argued over the housework? To demonstrate that everyone gets on his or her partner's nerves at times, Perry makes an inadvertently funny list of her husband's annoying habits, like "Jiggles his glass of ice cubes repeatedly" and "Mixes big and little spoons in the drawer when he puts silverware away." Perry admits the trivial nature of her gripes, but reminds readers that integrating "the positive and the negative is necessary to maintain an overall positive view of your partner." From that obvious assessment, Perry writes more specifically, providing engaging case studies and the lessons that can be learned from them. Perry handles more serious relationship challenges such as adultery, illness, and dealing with a partner's interest in pornography in a straightforward manner. Maintaining a healthy, happy relationship isn't easy, but Perry's methods, based on Michaly Csikszentmihalyi's concept of Flow, show that "a superior relationship...is achievable if you both want it enough."
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: Sourcebooks Casablanca (April 1, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 140220065X
• ISBN-13: 978-1402200656
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #184,109 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Susan K. Perry has enjoyed writing her whole life. She began professionally by sending in a tip to a woman's magazine and receiving $3 in stamps as payment. While her sons were in school, she wrote heartfelt essays about raising them. Eventually she expanded her topics to cover anything The L.A. Times and regional magazines would pay for. As her passions coalesced a bit more narrowly into psychological subjects, she went back to school for a Ph.D. and began to write books. Playing Smart, Writing in Flow, and Loving in Flow are among her most popular.

She now blogs about "Creating in Flow" at Psychology Today's site, as well as offering love advice online for Netscape. She has taught writing online for many years, and continues to work as a consultant for several individual writers who are struggling with books. Her current project is polishing her novel about a rational woman who has to learn how to let go of everything she loves.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent relationships book, April 11, 2003

By 

Steven Barber (Long Beach, CA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way (Paperback)

I was impressed by this book and am definitely recommending it to others. Dr. Perry approaches the committed relationship from a different angle than most writers, making this an invaluable source for anyone who has a significant other. For from being a boring analytical "analysis", this book is full of tried and true methods from couples who have been through a lot together. making Dr. Perry's comments more than theory -- it makes them reality.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Is The Real Deal, June 3, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way (Paperback)

If there's anything worse than the constant, grinding pain of an intractable marital problem, it's the glib pseudo-analysis of bestselling advice experts -- often more annoying, less qualified and just plain stupider than any offending spouse, and they seem to wind up divorced, discredited and humiliated with even greater frequency. But LOVING IN FLOW is surprisingly, even powerfully, convincing on a wide variety of painful and frightening (and sometimes insoluble) relationship issues. And author Susan Perry isn't just a qualified psych PhD with (thank God) may years' experience researching and writing about long-term couples. She also has a literary gift (her well-scrutinized husband is a poet) and a meticulous, almost Proustian frankness about relationships that she's actually observed, advised, and been in herself. You might not want to know how much conscious work a successful long-term relationship actually needs, or how much pain and suffering and loser behavior it frequently has to accommodate ... but this book is uniquely credible on the subject, and one of the few I'd recommend to casual readers just for the information.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Read this before you see a therapist., May 5, 2003

By 

Marlou Russell (Santa Monica, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way (Paperback)

Perry weaves the words of relationship experts with real-life couples to offer us a book that is highly readable, enjoyable, and well worth the money it can save you in therapy fees. Perry speaks candidly about her own relationship path and addresses universal relationship concerns like conflict, communication, and infidelity. Reading Loving in Flow is like sitting down with a friend and talking about relationships - it is honest, validating, and good for your soul.