Customer Reviews

Loving Him without Losing You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself

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Having had two failed marriages, I have read numerous books on relationships looking for answers. _Loving_Him_without_Losing_You_ has given me not only a much greater insight into why I have had such problems with men, but has also given me hope that the future can be very different.

Engel speaks to almost every woman, for almost no one has managed to escape the usual relationship "wisdom" in our culture of women "adapting" to meet their men's needs (by hiding accomplishments, giving up interests and friends if "he" doesn't like them, etc.). Engels gives us another, healthier way to build relationships, by staying true to our authentic selves. Ironically, this advice which is so contrary to what most of us learned is the *only* way to have a truly satisfying relationship--more satisfying for the man as well as the woman--as Engel convincingly argues.

Numerous exercises throughout the book help the reader discover her patterns, uncover issues from the past and work through them, and discover her authentic self. Engel also gives valuable information on creating a women's circle or support group, and finding a therapist if necessary.

A compassionate, intelligent, inspiring book. Read it! Buy it! Live it!

I am sure that Beverly's book will prove helpful to any woman -or man- who reads it. After fourteen years with my husband,ten of which have been married, we were in a funk. After reading "Loving Him without Losing You," I learned how to ask for more; care for others more meaningfully; comfort myself more lovingly and stand against things that were not necessarily helpful. Our relationship has become much more nourishing. I highly recommend this book to every woman who wants to become more whole in her life. Thank you, Beverly!

Beverly's book has been the catalyst for me to begin loving myself. I have had the opportunity to put into practice the suggestions that she makes in her book and I can happily say that they work! I find that it really is o.k. to love me first; to take care of myself; and the rest of my life is falling into place the way that I have wanted it to for so many years. I hope that everyone who has had a problem in relationships will read this book because it can only enhance the positive. Thank you to Beverly for all of her years of study and her gift of being able to communicate that knowledge to others through her books. Enjoy.

I totally agree with Ada & I couldn't have said it better, this should be required reading for all women. I have always given to others 1st & after reading this book I can see mistakes I have made in my past, I truly became a disappearing woman in my marriage. Though I have been single for sometime now & I am making steps to NOT disappear, after all don't we all want to be truly loved for our TRUESELVES with the peace & comfort of having a "soft place to fall" to be loved unconditionally can only be accomplished by being authentic. We as woman or taught don't speak up, don't make waves, agree even when you don't agree, stuff it down or the people you love will leave you or not love you anymore, what a burden we place on ourselves & can become full of resentment, regrets, as if we have to be or say or look a certain way inorder to be loved? I highly recomend this book even if you feel like you may not be invisible it is a wonderful guide, without bashing men, we do teach others how to treat us, & if we are not being respected, or treated with kindness as we should others than why allow it? we can't change others but we can surely change ourselves.

This book is a refreshing change from the usual self-help books, which are typically are filled with the author's own buzz-words and usually over-simplified view of relationships. Ms. Engel explains problems that women and men frequently encounter, explaining them not only in terms of the individual's choices, but also in terms of the cutural and social settings in which they arise. Rather than give a formula for success, she helps the readers understand themselves better and inspires in them confidence for making their lives better. My daughter, 20, found this book to be very helpful in making sense of a failed relationship; I picked it up and found some good ideas for improving my own long-term marriage.

This book has been as useful as multiple sessions of sichotherapy. It did help me out to find myself and enabled me to find the roots of the problem of losing ourself in the relationships that are originally coming from a lack of individuation from our controller parents. I was even able to discussed it with my mother and now I am eager to read more about these topics and it would be great if I could find this book for my mom in Spanish. I feel really grateful to Beverly Engel.

I've heard it said that the most important relationship a person can have is the one they have with themselves. It's that bit of wisdom that is at the heart of this book. It isn't some glib, flavor-of-the-moment, one-size-fits-all typical relationship book. It won't ask you to play by any "rules" or tell you that men are from a different planet or show you how to figure out if a guy is into you or not. The danger with those books is that they are too superficial and general and in the wrong hands can do much more harm than good. Just look at some of their reviews and you'll see what I mean.

I suspect that there isn't a woman out there who has picked up one of those books who would not be much better served by reading this one instead. Almost all women have some propensity to lose themselves in their romantic relationships with men and when those relationships fail or become unsatisfying they want to know why it happened. Ms. Engel tells us that we have to look within ourselves to find those answers.

The bad news is that finding those answers takes work. The good news is that it can be done and I guarantee that if you read this book you will start to find out more about yourself than you ever will by reading the current self-help best seller.

Most of us are so focused on our relationships with men that we neglect the one with have with ourselves. This book will help you get back in touch with who you are as a person. It shifts the focus from men back onto ourselves and helps us find ways to become fully realized, individual adult human beings. It's only by doing this that we can prepare ourselves to enter into healthier relationships with men.

One of the things that I liked the most about this book is that the author doesn't pretend that her book is a cure-all. She recognizes that a lot of the issues she touches on go well beyond the scope of the book but she offers up lots of resources and places to turn for further assistance with those problems. She knows a lot about her subject matter and the book is well written and well researched.

Beverly Engel asks us to look inside ourselves, to accept ourselves, to change the things that need to be changed, to find our voices, express our opinions, find ways to recover from less than ideal parenting, and so much more. She shows you how to begin this process and offers help and support along the way. But doing the work is ultimately up to you.

I urge you to get your hands on a copy of this book as soon as possible. All women can benefit from it, whether you are currently in a relationship with a man or not. I am so glad that I found it.

I am in the throes of a very painful break-up and this book is saving my life. I am a classic "disappearing woman" and I have had 3 painfully dysfunctional MAJOR relationships to prove it. This book is giving me more insight into why I choose the men I do and, more importantly, the hope and the tools to change my life and be able to have a healthy relationship one day.

Finally a book that talks to women as if they are intelligent beings! And, Beverly Engel does it without once blaming men. This is just a wonderful book full of wisdom and sensitivity. She's written so many helpful books and here is another. I think it's her best so far.

I found this book in amazon by chance. Read a couple of pages online, and couldn't wait until it arrived home.
This book is one of "the best" self help books I've ever read (and I've read a lot). Beverly Engel writes the book as an answer from a woman that has suffered the "disappearing women syndrome" herself, and directed TO WOMEN.
I would highly recommend this book to every woman, irrespective if you think you are that kind of woman or not. We all, at some point in our lives, have "disappeared" in a relationship. This book explains you why, and gives you tips on how to avoid it in the future.