Loving Men More, Needing Men Less [Paperback]

Judith Sills (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1, 1997

A psychologist shows women how they can stop needing men--and negotiating with them--and start loving them, offering day-to-day psychological strategies for single and married women that are designed to help them discover the path to true love. Reprint. Tour.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

For women who want to love men, but not too much, Judith Sills provides a balanced recipe. Breathe a sigh of relief: this is not a lesson on how to serve or please men more. True to her feminist roots, Sills insists that love should never include tolerating sexist politics or overlooking abuses and injustices. In order to love men more and need them less, Sill teaches women how to be yogis--maintaining a firm grip on their voices, needs, and desires, while also finding the flexibility to truly love and accept the men in their lives.

About the Author

Dr. Judith Sills, is a clinical psychologist in private practice since 1975. She earned her Ph.D. at the Graduate Faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York City, where she was a three-year National Science Foundation Fellow, and later became director of Outpatient Psychiatric Services at Pacific Presbyterian Hospital in San Francisco.

A contributing editor to Family Circle magazine and a widely known expert on relationships, family issues, and general psychology, Dr. Sills has written three other books, the number one national bestseller Excess Baggage: Getting Out of Your Own Way (1993), A Fine Romance: The Passage of Courtship from Meeting to Marriage (1987), How to Stop Looking for Someone Perfect and Find Someone to Love (1984), and numerous articles for national magazines such as Mademoiselle, Cosmopolitan, and New Woman. Her work has been cited in The New York Times, The Washington Post, USA Today, and U.S. News and World Report, among other publications, and she has made frequent television and radio appearances on programs such as "60 Minutes," "The Oprah Winfrey Show," "Sally Jessy Raphael," and "NBC Nightly News."

Dr. Sills lives and works in Philadelphia where she shares a home with her husband and daughter. She is currently the host of her own radio talk show on WPHAT in Philadelphia.

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics) (March 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0140242236
• ISBN-13: 978-0140242232
• Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 4.6 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,214,545 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This is the best engagement gift I could've gotten., April 1, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Loving Men More, Needing Men Less (Paperback)

Judith tells women how to love the man we choose for who he is rather than for who he should be. We cannot change HIM, only our own interpretations. She calls this "refocusing", moving our thinking from "What's wrong with him?" to "What is it I need, and do I necessarily need it from him?" She gives us scenarios of different couples' ways of communicating from doing laundry to watching sports, which are familiar and funny. She teaches us, not submission, but how to help ourselves become more interdependent with our mate, allowing us to love him more, need him less.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Keeper, July 24, 2000

By 

Gail Burgess - See all my reviews

This review is from: Loving Men More, Needing Men Less (Paperback)

This book shows me how to be more tolerant of the man in my life. My expectations can be pretty high--almost unrealistic. I am reminded to let my signifcant other have his shortcomings while allowing some of my needs to be met though other people and, that the only one I can change is myself. It is one of the best relationship books on how to co-exist with another human being and still be a loving mate. Judith Sills is insightful and skilled in her professional life and with her writing, she's one of my favorite "how-to" authors.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Relationship Book is the only one I've Ever Kept, March 29, 2001

By 

C. M. Dempsey "avid reader" (Texas) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Loving Men More, Needing Men Less (Paperback)

Judith Sills tells us how we can change our relationships with men by Refocusing, Reframing, and Responding Differently to our man's behavior. And since Sills says it better than I can, I'll quote a few sentences from her first chapter:

"Focusing on men has taken us as far as it can. This book is written directly to women, and just about women, so that we can turn the corner. The way we turn the corner is that we let go of the idea of getting to love by helping men to change. In our all-too-understandable obsession with getting more of what we need and what we are reasonably entitled to in a relationship, we have overlooked a key psychological truth: ** relationships depend far less on whom we choose than on who we are.**.... You are the single most important factor in whom you choose to love, and in what you experience in return. Love is a measure of your own inner stretch..."

If that paragraph intrigues you, you'll find much of value here. Throughout the rest of the book, she'll gently -- and a little philosophically -- show you how you can help yourself to stretch further.

And despite her statement that she is writing for women on the topic of romantic love, much of what she says about love applies in family and friend relationships as well.