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Loving Mr. Spock: Understanding a Lover with Asperger's Syndrome Paperback – November 1, 2004

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“A searingly honest account of the difficulties faced when people who are differently wired come together!”
David Potter, National Autistic Society
 



“It is a must for all those with an autism spectrum disorder in their midst!”
Christopher Gillberg, Advisor to the World Health Organization

 

About the Author

Barbara and Leonard Jacobs have studied culinary arts for over two decades with an emphasis on natural vegetarian based meals. They have managed restaurants, studies with master chefs, and taught cooks to hundreds of students.


Tony Attwood is a practicing clinical psychologist with more than 25 years' experience. He has worked with over 2000 individuals of all ages with Asperger's syndrome. He presents workshops and runs training courses for parents, professionals and individuals with AS all over the world and is a prolific author of articles and books on the subject.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 343 pages
  • Publisher: Future Horizons (November 1, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1932565205
  • ISBN-13: 978-1932565201
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.8 x 7.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,062,529 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Barbara Jacobs is a professional writer, lecturer, broadcaster and researcher, who has recently completed a late-life PhD on autistic intelligence. She is a journalist, who has written novels for young adults, and a highly-respected advice columnist in the UK. Her passions are autism, and soccer.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

44 of 48 people found the following review helpful By Suzie on January 28, 2006
Format: Paperback
Looking at other reviews I seem to be the only person who doesn't like this book very much. I think that is mostly because it just isn't the sort of story I enjoy or identify with, and that may be partly because I have AS myself... I don't know. I think a lot of people would enjoy this book though, particularly women who have experienced failed relationships with AS men and who would identify with the author and may find it reassuring that the break down of the relationship was about mutual incompatibility rather than any failing on their part. However, I wouldn't recommend this as the first or only book you read on Asperger's Syndrome. This is just one person's story told from a specific perspective. It's good for what it is but I feel uncomfortable with the idea of people forming opinions about someone like me based solely upon it.
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44 of 49 people found the following review helpful By BeatleBangs1964 VINE VOICE on April 26, 2005
Format: Paperback
This is a brilliant work about being in an intimate relationship with a person who has Asperger's Syndrome (AS). AS is a neurobiological condition that affects sensory processing/integration and is on the autism spectrum. It also affects communication.

Many people on the a/A spectrum don't care for hugs and find them intrusive and just endure them to appease others. For many people with AS, hugs can be a sensory onslaught that can include an aversion for the feel of scratchy beards; perfume or body odor; the feel of the hugger's clothing and the feel of being enclosed in a seemingly "restrictive" fashion. Many children on the a/A spectrum dislike loud displays of affection. For neurotypical (NT) counterparts, the natural response when confronted with an adverse response to hugs is to draw the erroneous conclusion that people on the a/A spectrum are devoid of affection.

The book takes its title from the Beatle coiffed character Mr. Spock of "Star Trek" fame. The title character, Mr. Spock is clinical, analytical and seemingly devoid of emotion. Sadly, a misperception that people with AS lack emotion still exists. The term "Mr. Spock," when applied to persons on the a/A spectrum was humorous. People with AS often have a novel way of making assessments and that can be found in the following example. I knew a Beatle fan, a young boy with AS who said of Mr. Spock, "He has a Beatle haircut and so do I. He's like me because of that and because he can figure things out. I read that the guy who made Mr. Spock up likes the Beatles." I like his reasoning.

Since AS is a sensory condition, feeling is what underscores a/A (autism/Asperger's) behavior and responses. Meeting the needs of all involved, the NT and the person on the a/A spectrum can be found in this book.
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27 of 30 people found the following review helpful By J. M. Amor on January 3, 2007
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book was brilliant in it's clearness right from the start on Aspergers and the way it manifests in people. Right from the beginning - I found myself going ... yes, that's my ex, and that, and that. Having someone else so clearly identify things was amazing. It is written from the perspective of someone who fell in love with someone with Aspergers and the things that happened. It helped me enormously understand 3 of my ex's who are on different levels with Aspergers. And 2 of whom I suspected. But my last one I was deeply baffled by for a long time until I had an inkling about Aspergers.

Like the writer of this book. I am also involved in psychology. But found it just baffling at times WHAT was actually going on. Things didn't fit together. I spent a long time puzzling over various things that just didn't gel on some level with my last man. 'One of these things does not go with the other'. A kind and caring man in many ways which yes, was one of the big attractions to him in the first place as others have also noted.

But when faced with me standing there with tears streaming down my cheeks. Told me to 'have a nice day'. In retrospect - I can see he knew he needed to say something 'nice' to make me feel better. So came up with a phrase that in his mind went with saying something nice. Totally inappropriate and yet funny in retrospect. But utterly unbelievable at the time it happened. Even when I said. I am standing here with tears streaming down my cheeks. Do you think I'm going to have a nice day? The confusion was very evident. It just didn't all go together for him. He'd been saying something he knew was 'nice'. Why didn't that work? Why did I have a problem with that?

This book I read cover to cover in one sitting.
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17 of 20 people found the following review helpful By S. Hebbron on June 13, 2005
Format: Paperback
Like the book "Curious Incident", this text explores the nature of relationships with Asperger Syndrome "differently wired", people, as Jacobs describes them. In this book the relationship is real and the Authors own love affair with an erratic, loving, unfathomable and self destructive man.

It is written with eloquence and enormmous emotion and combines clinical information with an engaging and difficult story. This book should be essential clinical/psychological/psychiatric training material but it is also so much more than a reference text for unintiated clinicians. It is also a beautifully written and difficult story and while Jacobs tells you frankly of her pain it seems her ultimate task is to understand the lover who nearly destroyed her and himself and to raise our understanding of these castigated and misunderstood people. Excellent.
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