Loving Our Kids On Purpose: Making A Heart-To-Heart Connection [Paperback]

Danny Silk (Author), Bill Johnson (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 1, 2008

You CAN raise good kids!

Loving Our Kids on Purpose combines the principles of the Kingdom of God and revival to form a powerful strategy for parents.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17). Rather than the traditional approaches that train children to learn to accept being controlled by well-meaning parents and adults, this book teaches parents how to train children to manage their freedoms and protect their important heart-to-heart relationships.

Children were designed with the core need of freedom. To deny this or live ignorant of it eventually destroys the trust connection between parent and child.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love (1 John 4:18 NKJV).

Loving Our Kids on Purpose introduces paradigms, perceptions, skills, and ideas that will help parents reduce fear by eliminating the tool of punishment and strengthening the core character of their children by empowering their self-control and value for their relationship with their parents.

Editorial Reviews

Review

It is very difficult to promote Danny Silk s ministry without sounding like I have the need to exaggerate. But the truth is, in the circle I run in, he is without equal. His discernment gives him access to root issues that have become obstacles to relational peace and blessing,while his wisdom enables him to be a builder of families and an architect of relationships. I heartily recommend Danny and all his materials to help bring about God s best for your life. ---Bill Johnson, Senior Leader of Bethel Church, Redding, CA

I have known Danny Silk for more then twenty-five years. He has the most amazing ability to understand the root causes of social and behavior issues of anyone I have ever encounter in my thirty years of working with people. Our team has been encouraging him to write this book for a long time, as his timeless wisdom needs to be imparted to the masses. BUT READER BEWARE: Danny s insights often smash old religious mindsets and free people from the bondage of spiritual captivity.You will find that you are laughing and crying yourself into new relational paradigms as you willingly walk head first into his sword. His stories will capture your heart, his wisdom will astonish you and his life will change you forever. This book is a must read for everyone,whether you have children or not. ---Kris Vallotton, Senior Associate Pastor of

About the Author

Danny Silk is the Family Life Pastor at Bethel Church in Redding, CA. He is also the president of Loving On Purpose, a non-profit dedicated to the strengthening of families and community at local, national and international levels.

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Destiny Image (December 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0768427398
• ISBN-13: 978-0768427394
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.4 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (191 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,742 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Danny Silk serves on the Senior Management Team at Bethel Church in Redding, CA. He is the director of Global Transformation Institute and oversees the Bethel Staff development. Danny and his wife, Sheri, are the founders of Loving On Purpose Educational Services, a ministry to families and communities worldwide. They have been married over 28 years, and have three children and three grandchildren.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

44 of 47 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Life changing book! November 9, 2008

By Single Mom

Format:Paperback

I am a single mother of 3 kids and the owner of my own business. My life used to be filled with stress and chaos. The tools in this book helped me become the mother I always desired to be. I have not arrived, but for the first time I have the tools that are working for my family. My children and I now have a loving and peaceful home filled with hope, rather than a home filled with destructive behavior and destructive communication. Prior to reading this book my life was an absolute mess, this book has completely changed my life and the destiny of my children's lives.

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Best Parenting Advice I ever heard... and opposite of most of what we've been told! March 14, 2009

By Kim Konrad

Format:Paperback

I thought I had a great relationship with my daughter so I wasn't in a hurry to dive into all things Danny Silk - until I heard him speak at my church. He rewired my thinking. I slowly began to collect his teaching (you can download his Mp3 teachings). I work with teens in crisis and I see bad parenting all the time, but after reading this series I have a much better understanding. Let me sum up Danny's book like this...

We're afraid our kids will make the wrong choice so we either limit their choices to the right one and the other right one or we manipulate them into making the right decision. Then when something bad happens we step in the way of the consequence and figure out the solution for them and tell them what they're going to do with the mess they created. Danny's method let's them learn how to think... AMAZING! They get to make the choice and then we don't stand in the way of the consequences. They have to figure out solutions to their own messes. It empowers our kids. They have confidence in their decisions because they can mess up in a SAFE environment. How often do Christian families raise "GOOD" kids and then when they go off to college, they suddenly turn "BAD"... it's because the parents never taught their child how to think for themselves and come up with solutions to their problems that make them learn what the best choice is so the next time that same situation arises, they know how to avoid that consequence - DO WHAT'S RIGHT!

If you want to learn how to raise a competent adult, Danny has tools that are so easy to implement. This works for any age child. You can also implement these strategies with employees and students if you teach.

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars I love what he says about the bible but he lost me with his examples of his parenting. July 19, 2012

By MSB

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I'm a Christian Mother who uses mindful, respectful, non punishment parenting with my children. Typically I have not found that type of parenting supported in parenting books from a Christian perspective. So when I saw this recommended by a fellow Christian unschooling Mom I thought it was worth a read.

This book started out wonderfully giving great detail and scripture to back up why the bible does not teach us to demean and control or children. So many great points were covered about how Jesus loves us, how we are to be examples and show that wonderful love to our children.
So bravo to Pastor Silk for saying such wonderful things in support of respectful parenting! If only he had used parenting examples to back up this kind of loving, gentle, respectful parenting.

Where this book fell flat for me was in the parenting examples supplied. It seemed to me as though the how to portion of this book was in direct opposition from the earlier chapters of the book. Almost as if it was written by two different authors from very different view points. He quotes a lot from Love and Logic, which maybe is why it seemed as if the advice was coming from a different source that earlier chapters.
One example was the Fun or Room option given to his toddler. This seemed to me to be forcing a child who is in need of parental understanding and loving guidance to essentially go away because they are not being fun.
He used the similar Fun or room with a toddler who was having trouble with a cup stuck in the top rack of the dishwasher and began to have a meltdown do to the struggle.
It seemed as if a child was not being guided with understanding their feelings but being essentially taught to deny them if they wanted to stick around with the rest of the family.

It seemed to me that the parenting he actually uses is all about controlling the child through various types of manipulations. Be that controlling them through giving choices (choices that only the parent thinks are great options). By forcing bedtime by having them do chores until they are tired. Forcing a child to have a clean room by either doing it themselves or the parent coming in and doing it requiring a payment for this service. Even going so far as to tell the child his or her things will be sold to cover the cost. He goes on to talk about how things like making lunch or dinner or doing laundry can be paid for services. And relates being a parent to being an IRS agent who enforces consequences. Yet these consequences were parent contrived not natural consequences which is what we experience in real life. There was an example of his daughter in fourth grade who the Mom announces she's no longer making lunch for, and the stuff is in there to make your own lunch. And when the daughter forgets her lunch the Mom refuses to bring it up to her at school, saying things like, how are you going to solve this problem. The same type of scene plays out with a child who forgets a back pack with a hamster in it on the bus and the attitude of the parent is, it's your problem, how are you going to solve it. I believe this child in this situation was 8. There is another example about two brothers fighting and the parents sit on the couch and just let it play out with no involvement of protecting either child from harm, and no action to find out what made this evolve to a fight, what happened earlier what caused the fight? He also talks about spanking "the spirit that is rebellion" out of a child. This portion on spanking after having read about not using anger or violence seemed so at odds with the beginning chapters in this book.

So I am torn on if I would recommend this book to another parent. I couldn't see using any of his methods with my children. We use a no lose conflict resolution which is where we all come up with ideas and solutions when there is a problem, similar to how things are in a healthy marriage, where the couple comes up with solutions which are agreeable to both parties and there are no losers. If after time the solution doesn't work, we meet again and come up with more options. We also use active listening with our kids. We don't send them away because their behavior is not fun.

In closing, on the one hand if you are coming from a traditional Christian parenting mindset, then yes I think this book would be specifically helpful because of the really wonderful beginning chapters. But if you want to put the parenting into practice that he talks about in the earlier chapters I think you'd be best served to find that, how to, in another book. My recommendations would be books like Dr. Thomas Gordon's - Parent Effectiveness Training, or Alfie Kohn's - Unconditional Parenting, and lastly, from a Christian perspective is Parenting Wild things by Jessica Bowman.

If you are farther and well established in your gentle parenting then this book will really not hold much appeal beyond the beginning chapters. But I do believe the beginning chapters make this book a worthwhile read.