Loving Well (Even If You Haven't Been) [Paperback]

William P. Smith (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 1, 2012

Distance. Resentment. Avoidance. You want to love your family, your neighbors, and your coworkers well. But something goes wrong when you reach out to them, and you find yourself tearing down the relationships you wanted to build. Are you doomed to repeat this cycle forever? For most of us, certain unhealthy reactions feel natural and even inevitable. Unconsciously, we cling to what 1 Peter 1:18 calls the 'empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers.' But you are not doomed to repeat this cycle, according to William P. Smith, since Jesus came to redeem his people from such things. The destructive relationship patterns you learned before you met Christ no longer need to control how you live and interact with others. Instead, you can exchange the empty ways for new ones that promote deep unity and peacefulness - patterns that create satisfying and God-honoring relationships. A rich, practical relationship with Jesus enables you to develop rich, practical relationships with others in spite of your brokenness and theirs. Through Christ, you no longer have to do what you have always done. In short, you can learn to love well.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

William P. Smith, M.Div., Ph.D., is the director of counseling at Chelten Baptist Church, Dresher, Pa., the author of the book Caught Off Guard: Encounters with the Unexpected God; and the minibooks How Do I Stop Losing It with My Children?; How to Love Difficult People; Should We Get Married?; Starting Over; When Bad Things Happen; and Who Should I Date?.

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: New Growth Press (February 1, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1936768291
• ISBN-13: 978-1936768295
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #47,129 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

My friend Brandon once told me, "When I was growing up, I thought the point of life was to build the biggest database of information about God that I could." So he did. He went to church, read his Bible and studied at a Bible college. He stuffed as much information into himself as possible, but his spiritual life became unbearably dry.
The problem is that no one relates to a database. No one develops a friendship with information. You can't get close to cold disconnected facts or trust them. As Brandon's relationship with the Lord grew colder it affected his relationships with people as well because he treated them the same way - as objects to study instead of people to love.
My twofold passion in life fits Brandon's need. I long for people to see and experience Jesus in ways that they haven't; not just learn things about him. I also want them to see what's gotten in the way of being friends with him; what's kept them from seeing and experiencing him. Those passions energize me whether I'm counseling, pastoring, consulting, speaking or writing. I love seeing the unexpected ways that God interacts with people in scripture and I love unpacking those experiences with his people.
Currently I serve our church as the Pastor of Shepherding and the Director of our Counseling Center. If you're interested in more of what God lets me do (preaching, retreat speaking and church consultation), feel free to stop by my website, surprisedbygod.com, where I've collected some of the things I've written and highlighted places where I get to share them.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Considering Loving Well May 14, 2012

By Steve Cavallaro

Format:Paperback

I suspect it goes without saying that most of us have not been loved well by those in our lives. Our parents often did their best, but they had the same problem we have. So do our friends.

When you have not been loved well, you don't love well. On the surface, it appears to be a vicious cycle from which there is no escape. But it is not a closed system. If it was, this would be true. But there is someone outside the system that can enter it, love us well and enable us to love others well.

10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4

This is the premise of Loving Well (even if you haven't been) by William Smith. The idea is that we only love well if we've been loved well. This is a biblical concept, as expressed in 1 John 4. In the gospel, we see that God brings us into His community of love and love us well. As we are loved, we learn to love.

Smith develops this in a very practical way. The 15 chapters of the book cover 15 aspects of love. He shows us how God has loved us in this way, and provides some practical ways we can express this love to others. As a result, this is a very gospel-centered book instead of a moralistic book. It is about what Christ has done, not a bunch of steps or principles to follow.

Smith has put together an engaging, encouraging and convicting book. I loved reading it because I found it interesting and helpful. I 'hated' reading it because I saw so many ways in which I fail to love others well. And William Smith is right with us. He's not writing from a stance of moral superiority, the "I've got it all together" thing, but as one who sees his own failings and need for Christ.

"They need grace from me only when they're out of line. That means that the only context that anyone will ever have for experiencing grace from me is when she is in need of it- which is another way of saying when she sins against me. So, if you want to be a gracious (grace-filled) person, expect to be sinned against. Otherwise, there's no need for love to cover a multitude of sins."

He is honest with us. This is not easy. There is much nature and nurture to overcome (some of us have more than others). He's also honest about the environment in which we seek to change. Love meets us where we are, and gives us what we need. When we love others, we meet them where they are and give them what they need. We can't do this unless first Christ has met us and given us those things that we can now pass on to them. We are more like channels of love than tanks.

William Smith is not recommending some sort of mystical experience with Jesus where you go away to the desert for a few years, isolated from everyone, and come back able to love them. In Scripture we see how Christ has loved us. In the community of faith, aka the church, we experience that love through others. He often loves us thru the means of others. He uses you to love others well.

"A mark that shows we have been brought into God's family is that we care about the physical welfare of the rest of the family."

I did not expect him to refer to the Lord's Table as an expression of God's persevering and patient love. But it is. It is the place we see God continuing to welcome us, despite all the new sins we committed since the last time we enjoyed the sacramental presence. We experience His pardon and nurture as we feast on Christ in faith (John 6). Though he is a Baptist, he doesn't seem to hold to the typical Zwinglian view of Communion, but more of a Reformed view where Christ is spiritually present to bless His people.

"Communion helps you realize that he doesn't hold those disloyal moments against you, even though by rights he should."

So, this is a book that I recommend highly. It is one that should be read, and read again regularly. If love is important, and it is, we regularly need to run to Christ to be loved that we might love others as well. This is a sound and engaging means to assist in that process.

[I received a copy of this book from The B&B Media Group for the purposes of review.]

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Soaked in Scripture and Solidly Biblical March 6, 2012

By Tara Barthel

Format:Paperback

"Soaked in Scripture and solidly biblical in all of its counsel, this wonderful book by a seasoned pastor and Christian counselor provides practical, Christ-centered guidance for growing authentic, vulnerable, and loving relationships. This is true regardless of our upbringing and regardless of how others treat us today. This is true no matter what our personality type or how weak we naturally are regarding relationships. By exegeting both Scripture and people, Pastor Smith humbly shows us that God is a loving God Who graciously enables us to love one another. I highly recommend this book and I look very forward to studying it in depth and repeatedly in the coming years." Tara Barthel, author of Living the Gospel in Relationships and coauthor of Peacemaking Women and Redeeming Church Conflicts

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Loving Well May 21, 2012

By Tom T

Format:Paperback

Bill takes a topic which is at the center of the Christian faith; love, and examines it in the reality of how it plays out in our daily lives. By breaking it out into 3 sections; 1. Love that responses to a broken world; 2. Love that reaches out to build others up; and 3. Love that enjoys heaven on Earth; he explores both how God loves us in a multitude of ways as well as how we can and should give and receive love from others. It is not necessarily a book that should be read quickly but rather one that "simmers" in our minds.
I was not given a book by B&B Media Group in order to do a review.