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Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life [Paperback]

Byron Katie (Author), Stephen Mitchell (Author)
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (295 customer reviews)

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Book Description

December 23, 2003
Out of nowhere, like a fresh breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice on what to believe, comes Byron Katie and what she calls “The Work.” In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a ten-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she woke up in a state of absolute joy, filled with the realization of how her own suffering had ended. The freedom of that realization has never left her, and now in Loving What Is you can discover the same freedom through The Work.

The Work is simply four questions that, when applied to a specific problem, enable you to see what is troubling you in an entirely different light. As Katie says, “It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.” Contrary to popular belief, trying to let go of a painful thought never works; instead, once we have done The Work, the thought lets go of us. At that point, we can truly love what is, just as it is.

Loving What Is will show you step-by-step, through clear and vivid examples, exactly how to use this revolutionary process for yourself. You’ll see people do The Work with Katie on a broad range of human problems, from a wife ready to leave her husband because he wants more sex, to a Manhattan worker paralyzed by fear of terrorism, to a woman suffering over a death in her family. Many people have discovered The Work’s power to solve problems; in addition, they say that through The Work they experience a sense of lasting peace and find the clarity and energy to act, even in situations that had previously seemed impossible.

If you continue to do The Work, you may discover, as many people have, that the questioning flows into every aspect of your life, effortlessly undoing the stressful thoughts that keep you from experiencing peace. Loving What Is offers everything you need to learn and live this remarkable process, and to find happiness as what Katie calls “a lover of reality.”


From the Hardcover edition.

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Remember the phrase "question authority"? Loving What Is is a workbook on questioning authority--but in this case, what is in question is the authority of our own fundamental beliefs about our relationships.

Known simply as "The Work," Byron Katie's methods are clean and straightforward. The basis is a series of four questions addressed to your own lists of written assumptions. Whether you're angry with your boss, frustrated with your teen's behavior, or appalled at the state of the world's environment, Katie suggests you write down your most honest thoughts on the matter, and then begin the examination. Starting with, "Is it true?" and continuing with explorations of "Who would you be without that thought?" this method allows you to get through unhelpful preconceptions and find peace. An integral part of the process is "turning the thought around," and at first this can seem like you're simply blaming yourself for everything. Push a little harder, and you'll find a very responsible acceptance of reality, beyond questions of fault and blame.

The book is filled with examples of folks applying The Work to a variety of life situations, and reading other's examples gets the idea across pretty clearly; chances are you'll find your own frustrations echoed on the pages a few times. Many chapters are divided into specific topics, such as couples, money, addictions, and self-judgments, with one chapter devoted to exploring the method with children.

Questioning your own authority is never an easy process, but it seems well worth the potential rewards--stress-free choices, peace, and affection for those closest to you. --Jill Lightner --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

A thrice-married housewife and mother of three who once suffered from depression, Katie presents what she calls "the Work," a series of questions to help alter bad thinking patterns and reveal painful truths. So that readers might see the method in action, she has reproduced edited dialogs among herself and participants at her workshop. Direct and easy to follow, her book could indeed produce results for readers battling run-of-the-mill work and relationship problems. However, Katie and coauthor/husband Mitchell, a translator of the Bhagavad Gita, would like their audience to believe that this is heads above a standard self-help book: in Mitchell's compelling introduction, he compares Katie's process to the Socratic method and the Zen Koan and posits that it will enhance any other program or religion. These are heady claims, and it's up to the reader to decide whether the authors deliver on their promises. With the publicity campaign and author tour, there will likely be demand in public libraries. Susan Burdick, MLS, Reading, PA
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Three Rivers Press (December 23, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1400045371
  • ISBN-13: 978-1400045372
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.7 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (295 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,205 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
369 of 396 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
this would be it. I'm an ordained Christian minister, and I'd give out *this* book before the Bible itself. That's how powerful her simple approach IS. It is literally the key to end all suffering. Sounds too good to be true? It isn't. I have been a student of psychology, personality and spirituality ever since I was a young girl. I studied theology in college, minored in psychology, have dozens of self-help and self-discovery books on my shelves, been a student of cognitive psychology and Toltec Wisdom (ala "The Toltec Way" by Gregg and "The Four Agreements" by Ruiz)...

From these, I came to believe that my own thoughts create my own suffering. It's never the person or situation that causes me grief; it's the story I *tell* myself *about* the person or situation that is the problem! Yet, although I knew this intellectually, I had a hard time dismantling all my core beliefs and judgments. My intellect likes mind candy and the accumulating of knowledge, but it wasn't enough to put me over the edge to freedom.

But this book did. It is all the above disciplines combined, but MUCH more. I was having anxiety attacks and an irrational fear of death and dying; this book helped snap me out of it immediately (along with the grace of God). Loving What Is is not by a counselor or some New Age guru; it's by a normal woman who was on the floor of a half way house, feeling bitter and angry, who had an epiphany when she asked herself a series of 4 simple questions. Her depression lifted, and she was a new woman in ONE instant. Since then (1986) she has shared her message, and it's changed thousands of lives.

To see what The Work is about, visit her website at http://thework.com This book is a life changer. The information it contains can replace all self-help books...it's that transformational. It's also an easy read, and very engaging. After all, she's just a "normal" woman like you and I who stumbled on 4 basic questions called Inquiry that will change your life forever.

If you are looking for answers to "why", are tired of feeling tired, angry, depressed, alone, cheated, sad, or confused, please get this book today.

Janet Boyer, author of The Back in Time Tarot Book: Picture the Past, Experience the Cards, Understand the Present (coming Fall 2008 from Hampton Roads Publishing)
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108 of 113 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book doesn't tell you what's what. It has no real philosophy in it. It simply gives you a simple way to discover your own truth.

I was very skeptical about even reading this book. Somehow I ordered it and it sat around in my collection of thousands of books. I was searching for a "spiritual solution" to my feeling terrible and this was one of many books I ordered.

Then one day, in emotional pain, I picked it up after reading many others. I started reading it.

I read and re-read. I went each chapter again and again and again.

A year and a half later, it is the only self-help book that I really care about. I have done "The Work" many many times and made it a part of me. I have purchased audio tapes of other people doing The Work.

My wife has asked me for help in The Work and my son also.

Here is what has happened to me: I suffer much less. I view every challenge in life as an opportunity for deeper self-realization. I am more comfortable with myself and my life. Things bother me less and less.

Bottom line: I am more in love with the truth than I ever was. I am still less than honest but I am more honest than I was, and loving the truth more and more as time goes on.

The truth does appear to set me free. Reading this book can help you see the truth for you. If you are interested then read this book.

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143 of 153 people found the following review helpful
The tag line is true August 4, 2002
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
This may be the first self-help book I've ever read all the way through. I was attracted to it by the name "Stephen Mitchell" on the cover. His paraphrase/translation of the Tao te Ching was my previous Most Influential Book. In his introduction we learn that Byron Katie is his wife. They appear to share a sort of Zen/Taoist outlook.

The tag line on the cover of the book reads "Four questions that can change your life." I like the use of the word "can." It's not that the questions "could" or "may" or "might" change your life: they "can" if you use them. I know because my life has changed.

But it's not just the questions that have changed my life. Rather, it's the outlook expressed in the book's title: "Loving What Is." My suffering comes from arguing with my reality. Peace comes from accepting and even loving my reality, whatever my situation.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Great book!
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
The concept is so simple the practice does take commitment. Read more
Published 16 days ago by Mira
Works for Old Folks, too!
As a 78 year old who began treatment with Elavil for severe depression 48 years ago and who has been in therapy many times, I endorse this book for any person. Read more
Published 25 days ago by Tavia
Well Thought Out
This is a book that has good perspective and is truly well thought out. It makes you see things quite differently.
Published 25 days ago by Tom
Loving What Is: Four Quetions That Can Change Your Life
This book initiated in me a significant break-through in finally overcoming my mental illness, in that it gave me insight into the fact that I had always been fighting, struggling... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Pea
So much of our lives we say "I'll be happy when...."
This insightful book helps renew one's mind to realize that love belongs to you,it is yours, whether it is reciprocated or not; that your identity is based on who you are, not on... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Mathatee
very simple and good concept
highly recommend this book ... really helpful in daily life. very simple and good concept. Most social situations become very simple and easy to deal with.
Published 2 months ago by Dieter Heise
Loving What Is review
Excellent book!! Everyone should read and apply the "work" explained in this book. The author is ambiguous about religious beliefs but one can argue she may want it that way to... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Jenny
A Deeper Look at My Inner Life
I have been on a spiritual path my entire adult life (40+ years), and every step along the way has reminded me that the POWER is not outside of me but within me. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Dee Vine
THE PERFECT LITTLE BOOK
I think everyone should try to understand this approach, that is pretty simple: we are all looking for happiness. We get confused in that search. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Charna VF
Powerful Process For Challenging Thoughts
Initially I thought this was a simplistic book, but when you really write out your reactions and ask questions about them it can be quite useful. Read more
Published 3 months ago by D. Cohen
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
What I love about The Work is that it allows you to go inside and fine your own happiness, to experience what already exists within you, unchanging, immovable, ever-present, ever-waiting. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
worst that can happen, deepening inquiry, uninvestigated thinking, uninvestigated thoughts, uninvestigated story, having found parts, bum tips, peaceful reason
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
The Work, Making Friends, Underlying Beliefs, Uncle Ralph, Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, Darth Vader, Making Fnends, New York, The Great Undoing, Katie Okay, Any Thought, Few Basic Principles, World Trade Center
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