So Lou Reed has this idea kicking around for a few years that he wants to write music for a German theatre group based on a series of old plays about an abused dancer who crosses paths with Jack the Ripper. He can't get it to sound how he wants, but then he jams with Metallica at a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame show. Eureka! Lou finds some young, hip rockers (compared to him, anyway) who can give him that dark, dangerous atmosphere he's been looking for. According to both sides, he casually says, "Hey, let's do an album together," after the jam and goes on his way. And now, two years later, we have Lulu. After listening to the album in its entirety, I have to wonder if Lou proposed this mess honestly when he brought it back up. I wonder if he said, "Hey, guys, are you willing to jump the shark and alienate the majority of your fan base (again) to be on an album with me?" And `Tallica, ever the experimenters, say, "Sure, Lou. We cranked out a decent metal album a couple years ago that went #1 around the world and energized millions of our fans, but hey, you're Lou Reed! Count us in!" I'm not complaining because I'm narrow-minded or don't like variety or risk-taking. The problem here is that, musically, vocally, and lyrically, repetition is the general idea behind these songs. Find a basic riff and just repeat it for anywhere from 4 to 20 minutes. Add in some noise and feedback here and there for at least some dynamics, and let Lou talk/"sing"/ramble over it until he's done. I know this is more of a Lou Reed album than a Metallica one, but whoever it belongs to, it's not very interesting or listenable. Considering the negative attention it's drawn, I'm not sure if many people will spring for this, but then again, since it is Metallica, it will probably sell millions of copies anyway. Oh well. This album will almost surely end up being just as much an anomaly as other odd forays into metal by the likes of Pat Boone and William Shatner, remembered more for its novelty than its quality. Now, for anyone still interested, here's a track-by-track breakdown.
Brandenburg Gate--Very, very repetitive music and rambling from Lou; terrible vocals from both Reed and Hetfield, with Reed doing his talking/poetry reading/embarrassing random stabs at singing, and Het yodeling, "Small town guh-r-rrl!" throughout.
The View--Simple, repetitive riff that goes nowhere; harsh, aggressive vocals from Het are somewhat surprising and hopefully hint at where he's going on the next Metallica album. However, this song has the most ridiculed lyric so far; Het hilariously reminds us over and over that he is the table, making many listeners question his sanity (I know, the lyrics are from Lulu's POV, but it still sounds hilarious). Lou's talking doesn't sound interesting, the boring riff doesn't sound interesting; what's to keep a person listening?
Pumping Blood--Reed sounds ridiculous repeating the track's title over the opening riff. The riff sounds like a prelude to some actual rocking...instead it just repeats again and again, then eventually goes into some ambient Metalli-noise over more Reed rambling. Not something that will call out to be heard again. The riff at the end of the song was the first time I found anything remotely interesting. Even still, without Reed's talking, it would sound like Metallica just fooling around with their instruments.
Mistress Dread--Starts with a riff that's faster and better than anything from Death Magnetic, but then it's ruined by Lou's attempts at singing, which are unlistenable, and constant repetition. Seriously, the riff gets very boring after hearing it about two thousand times in a row. No direction to this whatsoever.
Iced Honey--Only track so far that starts out sounding like an actual song. It's pretty bland, though. Very simplistic hard rock track. If they release a single, this will most likely be it; it's only about four-and-a-half minutes long, and has actual structure. Unfortunately, it's forgettable.
Cheat on Me--Ambient guitar sounds, in parts a bit Irish or Celtic-sounding...not bad to have in the background, until Reed comes in. It would be different if he sounded good, but what he does vocally doesn't sound like it requires talent. A track of mostly sounds, with a decent hard rock riff used here and there. Some pretty bad vocals from Het. This is the first track that I might actually like if it was an instrumental. Musically, it builds up nicely to a fairly heavy ending. Vocals from both singers ruin the song.
Frustration--Reed's vocals border on ludicrous on this track; it feels more like a joke than music. Anxiety-filled ambient noise goes into a Sabbath-inspired doomy riff that doesn't sound too bad, but Lou sure does. Again, if this was an instrumental, it would be much more tolerable; not great, but tolerable. It rocks out admirably near the end of the song, but there's almost a straight rip-off of the riff from C.O.C.'s Paranoid Opioid at 7:14 and 7:48.
Little Dog--At this point, after seven songs and about 48 minutes, it's all starting to sound the same. Some low-key acoustic playing, ambient background noise, Lou talking/rambling, sometimes trying to sing a few notes seemingly at random, a somewhat heavy hard rock riff. It gets a bit redundant this far in, and there's still over half an hour left after this song. I'm ready to do something else now, which is not a good sign when I'm listening to a new album.
Dragon--Beginning doesn't sound any different from the last song. Now it's getting extremely redundant...what seemed random during the first half now seems formulaic...some noise, throw in a riff, back to some noise. Lou talks, tries to sing, goes back to talking. Mighty boring. Once the riff kicks in, it sounds like a Load throwaway. There's a heavier riff in the second half of the song, but it sounds tired.
Junior Dad--This one could sum up the whole album; 19˝ long minutes of the same formula; acoustic, noise, riff, repeat. With almost twenty minutes to fill, though, Junior Dad goes long on the noise, with minutes-long sections of droning guitar sounds. It's not that it sounds particularly bad, it just gets boring after so much repetition. Maybe if an instrumental version comes out, I'll give it another chance, but for now I don't expect to be listening to Lulu again anytime soon.
I know these guys are Rock n' Roll Hall of Famers and all, but both artists involved have done far better in their careers. I have no problem with them doing whatever they want to do. It's their right and they've earned it. However, this is a review of the music on the album, not the artists' careers, and the music is not very interesting from a metal/ hard rock fan's perspective. There are rare moments (and I do mean rare) when Lou's vocal style actually complements the music, and for a few seconds it works. But those moments are fleeting, and the rest of the time it just doesn't even sound serious. I don't blame Metallica; I'm sure if Mick Jagger asked them to play music for him on an album, they'd do it in a heartbeat, just to say they played all of the music on an album from a rock legend. Unfortunately, an honest assessment of the overall musical quality of Lulu doesn't yield high marks.