Customer Reviews

Lust in Translation: Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

As a psychotherapist, I must say that this book shares a clear perspective on cheating which is not only useful for professional therapists dealing with issues of infidelity, it is at once relevant and useful for my clients as well. Taking the approach from a non-religious and non-moral majority stance allows this painful yet fascinating topic to be unpacked in a way that gives us a sense that what is happening in these relationships, OUR relationships, is a quiet storm crying out for love and the absence of pain. We must grow together in relationships with communication as our navigational system, rather than rely on satisfying our emotional holes with sexual silly putty. This book should be on every therapists shelf and anyone in a relationship worth saving.

I decided to buy a copy of "Lust in Translation" by Pamela Druckerman because way back when (mid 1980s), Pamela and I were US House of Representatives pages together. Other than an occasional email contact, I had not directly heard much from Pamela. I had read several of her Wall Street Journal articles over the years.

As someone who thoroughly enjoys reading about other cultures and people, this book fit my occasional non-fiction reading habits. I wasn't looking for anything "heavy" - as in, full of facts, figures, dates, or history. And, I certainly wanted to stay away from anything that seemed academic or dry.

It's fair to say that if you're looking for relatively creative non-fiction spanning several cultures that are not frequently bunched together or compared (including Hasidic Jews, French, and Chinese), you'll find it hard to put down this book.

In my opinion, Druckerman's writing style mirrors what you would expect from a former Wall Street Journal reporter. She mixes interviews, statistics, and commentary in a nearly seamless manner. In a sense, it's a collection of long articles - each relating to a different culture's practices and perspectives relating to infidelity.

There are many funny tidbits (using words you usually don't see in serious non-fiction) about how each culture covered refers to affairs in their language - often using slang terms. I laughed out loud a few times.

To me, the best contribution of the book is comparing the stereotypes regarding infidelity for each culture to how it is currently viewed within the culture. I was left surprised that anyone would share some of the details described in the book - even on an anonymous basis.

My overall conclusion is that this book falls into the category of "Truth is stranger than fiction." The way Druckerman handles this topic, it's possibly more funny than fiction, too.

This is an interesting topic---how infidelity is looked at around the world. But, this book is more of a paded magazine piece than anything else. There are some stats and then the author's travelogue of spending a few days in one country and a few days in another.Here is the Big Idea: people in poor countries cheat a lot, those in wealthy ones(including France), very little;we in the USA get worked up over cheating a lot, while our wealthy sisters(including France)see lies as part of life; in Russia, there is a ton of cheating going on because there are lots of men, few women, with men exploiting the difference. The wrap up chapter and the one on Russia are very good, as is the stuff on poverty/wealth and cheating. But,the book could have stopped there and been twice as good.

As an American who lived in Japan for several years, I believe that Ms. Druckerman's observations of the culture surrounding marriage, courtship, and extra-marital affairs in Japan are very accurate. I also enjoyed reading the rest of the book, and found it to be well-researched, well-analyzed, and well-written. This book does not aim to be a self-help book; rather, it is more of a sociological perspective on a universal issue. The book's description of cultural differences and personal perspectives regarding infidelity are fascinating. Overall, the book is interesting and enjoyable to read, and I highly recommend it.

"Thinking of the unthinkable" -- be it a nuclear disaster or personal tragedy -- is never an easy lot. Exploring, unearthing and writing publically about the "unthinkable" is even more uncomfortable. Infidelity is certainly an issue belonging to the "unthinkable" in our contemporary environment, yet this author managed to explore it in a style that is witty, smart, candid and lucid. Her sense of humor and delicate, tactfull hand helps make reading a delightful and enriching experience, avoiding pitfalls that could cause embarrassment to the reader ( and the writer, of course.)

As one whose work takes him across the glob, I recognized the ring of authentnicity in the chapters dealing with societies that I know. Druckerman's observations deciphered for me some of the behavioral characteristics that I witnessed but did not fathom in societies that I visited. A great reading for anyone who travels the world -- perhaps a must reading for international corporation staff or UN-type personnel. It is a "guide for the perplexed"-cum-travel guide for the uncharted roads of infidelity.

I enjoyed the statistics and stories. I love how she explored cheating and different cultures...and even the economics of cheating in the US...how it's become such a lucrative business to "fix" relationships.

Here's a sensitive, smart and well-written book about one of those subjects so close to everyone that no one wants to talk about them. Perhaps the very meaning of taboo. That both bible-belt readers and one-dimensional self-helpers are horrified by Lust in Translation is a powerful statement on its importance. Everyone should read this great book to get a glimpse of a world full of subtlety, surprise, wonder, pain, joy and plain non-sense.

While I agree with some of the reviewers that argued the book lacked much factual basis, it does indeed have some stats and figures for those that are interested in quantifying things so simply. While one reviewer pigeon-holed the book as "more of a padded magazine piece than anything else" I see it differently. Much differently, in fact...

The problem with books like this is that they are trying to pry into the minds of people who don't want to share their indiscretions in many cases. Ever heard "once a cheater, always a cheater"? You're more likely to get a decent look at the mind of a serial killer than a cheater. The book takes a lofty goal of trying to figure out when, why and how much cheating actually has taken place in the past, present and future; and it accomplishes that goal. Mostly.

I think it's worth the read. It has some interesting stats and anecdotal evidence that shatters some misconceptions. Such ideas I had before reading this book was that cheating was far more commonplace than it is and that cheating in certain cultures is openly accepted. You hear it a lot (at least in America) that the French invented a word for threesomes because they are so open about sex.

The strength of this book is also its weakness: a breezy tone that pulls one through the pages, but ultimately doesn't offer as much distilled insight as Pamela Druckerman's research would seem to have justified. Also, perhaps in attempting to safeguard her own image,the author can sound judgmental, which rather undermines her own authority and thesis. Let me confess that I make these comments as the author/editor of Sonnets for Sinners: Everything One Needs to Know About Illicit Love, so I appreciate the wish not to seem, uh, unduly seamy. All in all, however, a bright and entertaining work.

Despite the lack of quantitative data, Pamela Druckerman is giving an interesting perspective of what adultery is and means over the world. Even though the author's perspectives are a bit culturally biased (she is American), she points rightfully elements of culture, of sociology, of moral, of religion which explain at least what is considered as "cheating" or not.

The limits of this book lie in the fact that it sometimes fall into cultural cliches and a certain ethnocentrism. The author, a former Wall Street Journal journalist based in Paris (France), remains partially prisoner of her own culture.

However, this is a stimulating reading, which opens interesting perspectives for cross-cultural couples, but also our unformulated conceptions of what is a "good couple".