Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee [Hardcover]

Pamela Druckerman (Author)

Book Description

Release date: April 19, 2007

An irreverent and hilarious journey around the world to examine how and why people cheat on their spouses; this global look at infidelity reveals that Americans are uniquely mixed up about being faithful.

It's an adulterous world out there. Russian husbands and wives don't believe that beach-resort flings violate their marital vows. Japanese businessmen, armed with the aphorism "If you pay, it's not cheating," flock to sex clubs where the extramarital services on offer include "getting oral sex without showering first." South Africans may be the masters of creative accounting: Pollsters there had to create separate categories for men who cheat, and men who only cheat while drunk.

In America, however, there is never a free pass when it comes to infidelity. According to our national moral compass, cheating is abominable no matter what the circumstances. But do we actually behave differently than everyone else? Pamela Druckerman, a former foreign correspondent for The Wall Street Journal, decided to delve into this incredibly taboo topic. She interviews people all over the world, from retirees in South Florida to Muslim polygamists in Indonesia; from Hasidic Jews in Brooklyn to the men who keep their mistresses in a "concubine village" outside Hong Kong. Druckerman talks to psychologists, sex researchers, marriage counselors, and most of all, cheaters and the people they've cheated on, and concludes that Americans are the least adept at having affairs, have the most trouble enjoying them, and suffer the most in their aftermath.

Lust in Translation is a voyeuristic, statistics-packed, sometimes shocking, often hysterical, worldwide glimpse into the endlessly intriguing world of extramarital sex. It may be politically incorrect to say so, but who knew infidelity could be this fascinating?

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Former foreign correspondent for the Wall Street Journal now living in Paris, Druckerman offers an anecdotal rather than a scholarly exploration of the international etiquette of adultery. From American prudishness about the subject to French discretion, and from Russian vehemence about the obligatory affair to Japanese adherence to the single marital futon, one factor rings true in all cases: people lie about sex. Druckerman interviews numerous adulterers, starting with the conflicted Americans who "gain status by radiating an aura of monogamy" while sneaking around on the side; guilt more often than not brings them to confession and absolution by therapy. Druckerman is at pains to uncover reliable statistics about infidelity where such research is suppressed, such as in Islamic countries or those formerly Communist; in contrast, Finland demonstrates the best sex research, e.g., clearly half of men there enjoy "parallel relationships." Druckerman concludes from one study that people in warmer climes cheat more (Scandinavia is the exception), while people in wealthy countries tend to cheat less than those in poor countries (exception: Kazakhstan). Druckerman found that the rules of sexual cultures differ widely: adultery is the least dangerous social evil in Russia, while in Japan, buying sex doesn't count as cheating. Druckerman's work is quirky, digressive and media quotable. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

Here's a surprise: the U.S., which in the past 30 years has grown more open-minded about some sexual issues (such as homosexuality and premarital intercourse), has at the same time grown substantially stricter when it comes to extramarital affairs. Americans are vehemently against adultery, ranking it just a bit below polygamy and human cloning on the list of major no-nos. But in many other countries adultery is not such a big deal--often it's accepted if not formally condoned. In her quest to find out what it is about extramarital sex that provokes such widely differing reactions, the author visited 10 countries, including the U.S., Russia, Japan, and France, and spoke with adulterers, cuckolded spouses, sexologists, marriage counselors, and other interested parties. Interestingly, there seems to be no generally accepted view of adultery. Is it a sin, or a harmless pastime? It depends on whom you speak to, and where you speak to them. This engagingly written, intellectually provocative book is sure to be hotly debated by special-interest groups and individuals who think they know what's best for everybody else. David Pitt
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Penguin Press HC, The; First Edition edition (April 19, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1594201145
• ISBN-13: 978-1594201141
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #926,227 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 25 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Unique & humorous perspective on cultural differences June 30, 2007

By Mitchell Wander

Format:Hardcover

I decided to buy a copy of "Lust in Translation" by Pamela Druckerman because way back when (mid 1980s), Pamela and I were US House of Representatives pages together. Other than an occasional email contact, I had not directly heard much from Pamela. I had read several of her Wall Street Journal articles over the years.

As someone who thoroughly enjoys reading about other cultures and people, this book fit my occasional non-fiction reading habits. I wasn't looking for anything "heavy" - as in, full of facts, figures, dates, or history. And, I certainly wanted to stay away from anything that seemed academic or dry.

It's fair to say that if you're looking for relatively creative non-fiction spanning several cultures that are not frequently bunched together or compared (including Hasidic Jews, French, and Chinese), you'll find it hard to put down this book.

In my opinion, Druckerman's writing style mirrors what you would expect from a former Wall Street Journal reporter. She mixes interviews, statistics, and commentary in a nearly seamless manner. In a sense, it's a collection of long articles - each relating to a different culture's practices and perspectives relating to infidelity.

There are many funny tidbits (using words you usually don't see in serious non-fiction) about how each culture covered refers to affairs in their language - often using slang terms. I laughed out loud a few times.

To me, the best contribution of the book is comparing the stereotypes regarding infidelity for each culture to how it is currently viewed within the culture. I was left surprised that anyone would share some of the details described in the book - even on an anonymous basis....

My overall conclusion is that this book falls into the category of "Truth is stranger than fiction." The way Druckerman handles this topic, it's possibly more funny than fiction, too. Read more ›

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars EXCELLENT book! July 23, 2007

By American Aussie

Format:Hardcover

As an American who lived in Japan for several years, I believe that Ms. Druckerman's observations of the culture surrounding marriage, courtship, and extra-marital affairs in Japan are very accurate. I also enjoyed reading the rest of the book, and found it to be well-researched, well-analyzed, and well-written. This book does not aim to be a self-help book; rather, it is more of a sociological perspective on a universal issue. The book's description of cultural differences and personal perspectives regarding infidelity are fascinating. Overall, the book is interesting and enjoyable to read, and I highly recommend it.

23 of 27 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Shrinking things down to size... May 28, 2007

By Win Dixie

Format:Hardcover

As a psychotherapist, I must say that this book shares a clear perspective on cheating which is not only useful for professional therapists dealing with issues of infidelity, it is at once relevant and useful for my clients as well. Taking the approach from a non-religious and non-moral majority stance allows this painful yet fascinating topic to be unpacked in a way that gives us a sense that what is happening in these relationships, OUR relationships, is a quiet storm crying out for love and the absence of pain. We must grow together in relationships with communication as our navigational system, rather than rely on satisfying our emotional holes with sexual silly putty. This book should be on every therapists shelf and anyone in a relationship worth saving.

34 of 44 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Better zine piece than a book April 23, 2007

By Michael P. Maslanka

Format:Hardcover

This is an interesting topic---how infidelity is looked at around the world. But, this book is more of a paded magazine piece than anything else. There are some stats and then the author's travelogue of spending a few days in one country and a few days in another.Here is the Big Idea: people in poor countries cheat a lot, those in wealthy ones(including France), very little;we in the USA get worked up over cheating a lot, while our wealthy sisters(including France)see lies as part of life; in Russia, there is a ton of cheating going on because there are lots of men, few women, with men exploiting the difference. The wrap up chapter and the one on Russia are very good, as is the stuff on poverty/wealth and cheating. But,the book could have stopped there and been twice as good.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars A guide for the perplexed? June 11, 2007

By A. Shaviv

Format:Hardcover

"Thinking of the unthinkable" -- be it a nuclear disaster or personal tragedy -- is never an easy lot. Exploring, unearthing and writing publically about the "unthinkable" is even more uncomfortable. Infidelity is certainly an issue belonging to the "unthinkable" in our contemporary environment, yet this author managed to explore it in a style that is witty, smart, candid and lucid. Her sense of humor and delicate, tactfull hand helps make reading a delightful and enriching experience, avoiding pitfalls that could cause embarrassment to the reader ( and the writer, of course.)

As one whose work takes him across the glob, I recognized the ring of authentnicity in the chapters dealing with societies that I know. Druckerman's observations deciphered for me some of the behavioral characteristics that I witnessed but did not fathom in societies that I visited. A great reading for anyone who travels the world -- perhaps a must reading for international corporation staff or UN-type personnel. It is a "guide for the perplexed"-cum-travel guide for the uncharted roads of infidelity.

7 of 9 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Tendency toward judgment February 22, 2008

By Dr. Science

Format:Hardcover

I found this book interesting from a cross cultural perspective, but must agree with other negative reviews in that the writing suffers from a superficial level of understanding on the part of the author. The nuanced and complex social and ethical issues of infidelity simply cannot be readily captured by jetting into a foreign country for a few days to weeks, arranging some relatively random interviews, and then writing up the results of these investigations as representative of the culture as a whole. There's also a wide discrepancy between some information presented in the book and statistical data from other studies not quoted on the frequency and impact of infidelity. The chapter on the United States reads more like a cautionary tale to those who would consider cheating rather than an unbiased exploration of the topic. At several points in the book the author cannot restrain her own editorial side and this comes through as judgmental text where she lets slip her own personal distaste or disgust at the behavior of others. I had hoped this book would provide an unbiased and balanced perspective, but was disappointed in the "Cosmo-style" peeping Tom approach taken toward looking in the window to other people's private lives.