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MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend [Paperback]

Rachel Bertsche
3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (154 customer reviews)

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Book Description

December 20, 2011
When Rachel Bertsche first moves to Chicago, she’s thrilled to finally share a zip code, let alone an apartment, with her boyfriend. But shortly after getting married, Bertsche realizes that her new life is missing one thing: friends. Sure, she has plenty of BFFs—in New York and San Francisco and Boston and Washington, D.C. Still, in her adopted hometown, there’s no one to call at the last minute for girl talk over brunch or a reality-TV marathon over a bottle of wine. Taking matters into her own hands, Bertsche develops a plan: She’ll go on fifty-two friend-dates, one per week for a year, in hopes of meeting her new Best Friend Forever.

In her thought-provoking, uproarious memoir, Bertsche blends the story of her girl-dates (whom she meets everywhere from improv class to friend rental websites) with the latest social research to examine how difficult—and hilariously awkward—it is to make new friends as an adult. In a time when women will happily announce they need a man but are embarrassed to admit they need a BFF, Bertsche uncovers the reality that no matter how great your love life is, you’ve gotta have friends.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

Advance Praise for MWF Seeking BFF

“This charming, funny chronicle of an ‘experiment in extreme friending’ explores the bonds between women and the idea that the world is peopled with potential BFF’s”
People, 3 stars

"Bertsche's skill as a writer and the myriad ways she finds potential dates keep things interesting…. The book is also peppered with intriguing research on topics like what makes friends click, how many friends we need and the health benefits of having friends…. A reader cannot help but root for Bertsche, cheer her successes and consider trying out some of her ideas.” Associated Press
 
“Written with verve, insight and humor, Bertsche somehow manages to be clever but not judgmental…. In contextualizing her personal experience with recent research, Bertsche writes cleverly, but not glibly, about the challenges young women face today.”
Chicago Tribune (Editor’s Choice)
 
“Illuminating and funny.” ­― New York Post
 
 “Bertsche’s natural voice and easy, honest prose may leave readers wanting to befriend the first-time author themselves.”American Way Magazine
 
“A humbling, hilarious journey….Put MWF on your book club list now.” Chicago Magazine
 
“A charming exposition of the latest research on social connections…. [MWF SEEKING BFF] combines personal narrative and social research in an upbeat and approachable manner.” Booklist
 
"In this sweet memoir...Bertsche’s pursuit is grounded in what most everyone is looking for—more fulfilling relationships and a sense of belonging—and she bravely provides some of the tools, including openness, persistence, and self-awareness, needed to attain these rewards."--Publishers Weekly

“A hilarious, thoughtful memoir of one woman’s search for a new best friend.” Shelf Awareness

“Friendship is one of the most important elements of a happy life—but it can be tough to make new friends. In MWF Seeking BFF, Rachel Bertsche weaves together her engaging and often hilarious adventures in search of a new best friend with the latest research about the science of friendship. I couldn’t put it down.”—Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project

"Reading about Rachel Bertsche's search for that special someone, you'll find yourself thinking about all the friends you've ever had -- and the ones you hope are right around the corner. Rachel writes with engaging humor and a measure of poignancy, too. You'll enjoy joining her on her journey."-- Jeffrey Zaslow, author of The Girls from Ames
 
“Genuine, funny and thoroughly inspiring, MWF Seeking BFF is a tribute to female friendships and a must-read for anyone who has ever found herself sunk into her couch and scrolling through the phone list feeling like there's no one to call for a last-minute drink or Sunday brunch.” -- Rachel Machacek, author of The Science of Single
 
“Rachel Bertsche's yearlong diary of searching for best friendship in a new city is compulsively readable and will plant a smile on your face as you turn the pages. Funny, forthright, and honest as a midnight phone call, Bertsche's zesty hosanna to female bonding defines what it is to be a double-X Millennial.”-- Sheila Weller, author of Girls Like Us: Carole King, Joni Mitchell and Carly Simon—and the Journey of a Generation
 
MWF Seeking BFF is funny, charming, and so relatable. Throughout Rachel’s journey to develop more meaningful, enduring relationships with other women, I found myself wishing she had my number.”-- Robyn Okrant, author of Living Oprah

“I guess you could say Rachel had me at "Hello" — I found myself totally invested in her honest, earnest, oftentimes hilarious quest for meaningful female friendship. Whether you're actively seeking a ‘BFF’ yourself or simply recognize the value in making quality connections with other women, MWF Seeking BFF underscores the profound rewards we women stand to reap when we simply open up, reach out to one another, and go for it. A smart, fun, and inspiring page turner that will surely resonate.”-- Kelly Valen, author of The Twisted Sisterhood

About the Author

Rachel Bertsche is a journalist in Chicago, where she lives with her husband. Her work has appeared in Marie Claire, More, Teen Vogue, Every Day with Rachael Ray, Fitness, Women's Health, CNN.com, and more. Before leaving New York (and all her friends) for the Midwest, Bertsche was an editor at O: The Oprah Magazine.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Ballantine Books; Original edition (December 20, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0345524942
  • ISBN-13: 978-0345524942
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.8 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (154 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #21,261 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Rachel Bertsche is a journalist in Chicago, and the best-selling author of MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, Marie Claire, More, Teen Vogue, Every Day with Rachael Ray, Fitness, Women's Health, CNN.com, and more. Before leaving New York for the Midwest, Bertsche was an editor at O: The Oprah Magazine.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
98 of 109 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Interesting concept, horrible execution January 18, 2012
Format:Paperback
I don't usually write reviews on Amazon, but I feel so strongly duped by the amount of positive reviews that I'm wondering if the new friends the author made during her year long search are the ones who actually wrote the 4 and 5-star reviews. Tedious is an accurate description of the book, as another reviewer noted. And it's mind-numbingly so. The author ALREADY has 2 best friends (not to mention 11 other good friends that were bridesmaid contenders), but they live out of town and she is determined to find a local one. She describes 52 "dates" she has with women in a way that comes off as juvenile and middle-school-ish, and her constant references to her summer camp confirms that this chick has a LOT of growing up to do. The straw that broke my back was her description of her yuppie home in a yuppie neighborhood and her acknowledgement that other would want to gawk at her lifestyle. The author has such a complete lack of insight, rarely mentions people that reject her or decline her "dates", and in her eyes is bubbly and funny at all times. I gave the book 2 stars because she few interspersed scientific tidbits about friendship were interesting, but awkwardly peppered throughout the book. This book reeks of "Julie and Julia" aspirations, but falls so flat and is way less charming and honest. If you're over the age of 25, it's very likely that you find the book (and the author) really annoying.
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41 of 47 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not easy to relate to the whiny rich-girl author January 30, 2012
Format:Paperback
I picked this book up as an impulse buy. I was in Target, buying a birthday present for a 10 year old. I cut through their book department on my way to the toys in case anything jumped out at me. I immediately stopped when I saw the title. I never buy a book based on the title. I almost always have a hard recommendation from someone who knows my tastes, or reviews to bolster the credibility of an unknown. Either way, it's very atypical for me to impulse-buy a book.
A quick glance over the book tells me that the author, Rachel Bertsche is planning to go on one friend-date per week for the next year (52 dates) in a quest to find a new best friend in her new resident city of Chicago.
We just moved 6 months ago and I chose the book because I've been on my own quest to make a new BFF since losing my 2 "besties" through what Bertsche pinpoints as the at-risk age for female friendships: 25-40, the career building/baby-making years. Motherhood is isolating. I felt like I instantly related to her quest, since it was born out of her move to a new place, just like mine.
Sure, I have mom friends and I've made nice with my kids' friends' parents and I'm capable of meeting new people at a birthday party or social event. But, I don't have what Bertsche defines as a BFF. In the beginning of her journey, she states that she's looking for the "What are we doing today?" BFF, the "Let's get last minute lunch and pedicures BFF." A quick run-down of my friend list tells me that I am not close enough with any of them to call them with those last minute suggestions. And how accurate is that as a definition of what you want in a BFF anyway?
So, despite my own life situation, being a recent transplant and a mom, what did I think of the book? Well, my life situation has everything to do with how I feel about the book. I'm trying to glean hints from this book that I can apply in my own life. What is my take-away from this book? How can I apply what she has learned? How can I go on my own quest to find a new BFF?
My main criticism of the book is that it's not as relatable as I would have expected. It started out strong. I love the research she cites throughout the book. I learned about the British anthropologist that created the theory of how many relationships one can maintain (based on brain size). Spoiler alert: it's 150 for humans. I learned a lot about the stigma of looking for friendships and loneliness, as well as startling statistics about how social support can extend your life.
But that's where the interest stopped and I lost touch with her. Everyone wants to relate. In a book like this, I should have been yelling, "Yes! This is ME!" and I found myself musing, "Hmm, this is the rich-girl version of ME!"
I think Bertsche has narrowed her audience by emphasizing her social status a little too much. She claims to be upper middle class. She's from New York, she's Jewish, she went to a great college and is married to a lawyer. Does any of the sounds familiar or relatable? Maybe so, let's keep going. I'll also mention here that she worked for Oprah's Magazine, O, and has interviewed celebrities like Vince Vaughn. Still feel that that is totally YOU? She talks about eating out, joining classes and signing up for "friend-dating" websites - all of which require money, and plenty of it when you are going on as many as 5 friend-dates as she did each week (because she goes on follow up dates with many of the women she meets). She emphasizes how she made friends in her childhood and has a few reunions throughout the book. Bertsche reveals that she visited Tripp Lake Camp every year for her whole summer from the time she was 8, and that was the kicker for me. That was when I really stopped relating. Forbes published an article in 2010 called "America's Priciest Summer Camps: Where the Wealthy Send their children for the summer." Guess which camp was in the Top 10? With a price tag of $10,400 per summer, you got it, Tripp Lake Camp. So while her parents were sending her to camp to the tune of $100,000 throughout her childhood, I'm living the life of the actual middle-class and have completely stopped relating to the author at this point.
The basis of her idea is good, but the delivery falls short when the scope of relatable readers is narrowed so far. I think women should make a better effort with each other, and approach one another, take the jump, and make a new friend. I like the idea of expanding my social circle to find a few more "lifers" that live nearby. But all in all I left the book feeling lukewarm.
My final criticism is that I felt the ending was anti-climactic. It was quite a buildup throughout the book. There were times when I was cheering her on, hoping she could meet the "TV-loving, pop culture fan" she so desperately sought to be her match. Who ended up as the BFF in the end? Spoiler alert: No one. How's that for disappointment?
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43 of 50 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring November 20, 2011
Format:Paperback|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
Always interested in what I can learn from the stories of others, I thought I would see if I could learn a little about making friends from Bertsche's story.

After relocating to Chicago to close the distance in her long-distance relationship, Rachel finds herself without the really close girl friends that she had in New York. Rather than waiting passively, she sets out on a yearlong quest to find a new BFF (or a few). Along the way she learns a lot about herself and about friendship. Her goal is 52 dates with different potential BFF's. Initially they are ladies that she is introduced to by mutual friends, but as the year progresses she gets bolder and tries a variety of interesting things to meet new friends, from friendship matchmaking to Rent-a-friends, to getting bold enough to ask out her waitress at dinner. Along the way we are introduced to a varied cast of characters, making it quite necessary for Rachel to include a Glossary of Characters for the reader to reference. I was thankful for this list a few times.

Having found myself in that same "bubble" that Rachel describes where your husband becomes your primary outlet, I realize how important it is to have friends outside of our marriage. Being in my thirties, I also realize just how hard it is to make new friends once you get past a certain age. This book inspired me to make more of an effort with those around me. It also reminded me of something that I have found to be true, that you are never the only one feeling lost or unsure. For every moment that I might want to go up to someone, it is just as likely that they are wishing someone would talk to them. This book is a great reminder to get outside of our own little bubbles and take a step into something new.

Whether you are looking for ideas on how to make friends, or just looking for a great story you can relate to, you'll find it in "MWF Seeking BFF".
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars I'll Be There, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, You've Got a Friend
Love books where someone does something for a year. In this one, I learned about the Dunbar Number and that 28 percent of Americans don't know a neighbor's name. Read more
Published 2 days ago by mavo
4.0 out of 5 stars Annoying but Informative
I read the reviews before reading this book, and so I was set up to find the author self-absorbed and off-putting based on the 1 and 2 star reviews. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Anonymous
3.0 out of 5 stars Nice Memoir
Rachel Bertsche moves to Chicago with her boyfriend who soon becomes her husband. She finds that her life has changed and she does not have a best friend. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Phyllis Ann "Book Lover"
4.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring!
Such a fun read, but more importantly, encouraging for those who find themselves in the midst of a life change and missing that very-important friendship factor. Read more
Published 1 month ago by DRocc
3.0 out of 5 stars With (Potential) BFF's Like These, Who Needs Frenemies?
I'm a blogger. The author of this book, Rachel, is witty and self-deprecating and clever. And she's a blogger. I should love this. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Beverly Diehl
1.0 out of 5 stars Not Relatable....
I have just started to read this book and much like some other reviewers, I found it extremely unrelatable! Read more
Published 1 month ago by Lizzie
4.0 out of 5 stars Felt just like the author during my late 20s....
Every girl should read this book after age 25 because Rachel will point out one (or several) thoughts each girls thinks about at this point in age in regards to friendships and how... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Sophia Ngo
2.0 out of 5 stars Boring, repetitive, and judgemental
I was really excited to read this book because I felt like I could really relate to the author. At first the book was ok, but about 1/3 of the way through is all you need to read. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Devan
5.0 out of 5 stars great book
this is a great book - a must read. It is about finding friendship and why the male compaionship is not enough for the female. we need friends!
Published 2 months ago by ginbert
5.0 out of 5 stars Written for me!
This book is fast paced and about more than meets the eye. Simultaneously telling the story and offering insight on how to build friendships. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Tricia Kegley
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