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The Magic of Conflict: Turning a Life of Work into a Work of Art

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Thomas Crum uses his martial arts expertise to offer helpful insights about those situations in which you find yourself in conflict with another person and feel like fighting or running away. He says: "Flow!" In other words remain centered, redirect their energy: deflect, step aside, don't respond in kind, don't try to block. This is a basic concept of Aikido and the "Aiki Way" which he has derived from it. You don't have to be a martial artist to gain from this book. By acknowledging the visceral connection we associate with conflict he gets you much further than many books based strictly on communication theory.

"Connectedness is reality. Separation is an illusion. ... True strength is flowing energy and a willingness to blend energies. Unlimited strength and power are available to the extent that we let go of tension, fear, and boundaries."

Conflicts can be disastrous or miraculous says Thomas Crum in the Magic Conflict, depending on how you react to them. If you feel threatened and try to defend yourself, you will lose even if you win. If you know you will lose, you probably will. If you hope to win and work hard at winning, you MAY just wear yourself out and fall into bitterness and decay. OR you MAY take a leap from the you OR me attitude to the you AND me attitude, says Crum. This is the magic of conflict. That we both care so much that we are willing to talk until we learn from each other. Understanding each other's concerns, we can see other possibilities, win-win solutions. Through the alchemy of conflict, we can turn the base metal of discouragement and divisiveness into the gold of understanding a new paradigm.

The Magic of Conflict does an excellent job of reframing conflict in way that makes a lot of sense. For example, when discussing the nature of conflict Thomas Crum states:

"It's not whether you have conflict in your life. It's what you do with that conflict that makes a difference."

There are many other useful concepts in the book. For example, Crum recommends focusing on finding your "Center" and using it to handle situations in life. Crum's definition of "Center" is authenticity. In other words, when we come from our center we are in touch with who we really are.

Crum also talks about fear and how to deal with it. He points out that fear is becoming stuck in time and worrying about a possible future occurrence, which may be based on a (real or imagined) past experience. He suggests handling fear by stepping out of the remembrances of the past and return to the present moment.

Well thought out and written, this is an insightful, interesting and useful book. The methods this book discusses are easy to understand. They take some time to apply, but are well worth the effort. Overall, a great read!

The Re-Discovery of Common Sense: A Guide to: The Lost Art of Critical Thinking

Thomas Crum's book is truly a ground-breaking work on the ability to not only look at conflict from a different perspective, but how to change conflict into a true win-win approach, where both people (or parties) are left with power. Written in easy-to-understand prose, it is very much like actually working with Crum himself as he describes how aikido applies to life, and how to change your perspective on creating a winning situation for yourself.
My favorite part is when he give the "hara" exercise. It is a truly powerful technique for pre-creating the life that you desire, and having it come to pass. It is also very helpful for those that have fear or worry as they approach a new situation of difficult discussion.
I have personally used Crum's techniques in my own life and have seen very conflict-oriented sitations settle down, allowing both people to come to a powerful and winning agreement.
This is a true gift of a book - the world would be a better place if it were required reading for all!

I have taken Thomas Crum's training after this book and recommend both! He is a man that walks his talk and has something to say! I recommend this book for anyone.

I never thought that a book on conflict would worm it's way into my heart and make my very short 'favorite book' list! Tom Crum is an excellent author and really gets you to look at conflict differently in every aspect of your life - work, life, love, etc.. This book has personally helped me more than I can say and I have purchased many copies for others. I've read it multiple times and believe that anyone who interacts with people should own this book!

"The Magic Of Conflict: Turning a Life of Work into a Work of Art" by Thomas F. Crum is different from many of the books I have on conflict, and is a bit older. It was written in the late 80s and the Foreword and Photographs are by the late John Denver. First, different and older does not make this book less valuable when dealing with today's conflict, in fact, the book is as relevant today as it was when written. It's different because Crum's take on conflict comes from his years of studying the martial art of Aikido. His Aiki Approach is one that is practical not only for dealing with external conflict, but one that an individual can use to overcome struggles within oneself to live a more harmonious life at home and the office.

As a martial artist, mediator, and attorney who deals a lot with conflict resolution, this book called out to me, and I found myself not only enjoying the book, but agreeing and seeing similarities to my own practices, both as a martial artist and as a mediator.

After the Foreword and a short introduction, Part One: The Challenge focuses on the extraordinary state, the nature of conflict, and conflict and contest. In Part Two, The Aiki Approach, Crum discusses concepts such as choosing to be centered, accepting your connectedness, the power of discovery, being willing to understand, being willing to change, and choosing to cocreate. The next two chapters, Part Three: Fight, Flee, or Flow, are Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and no Boundaries. The book concludes with Part Four: Taking It To the Streets with chapters on putting it to work and Masters of Aiki.

The book includes quotes and examples from Fisher and Ury, like many books on conflict, but also from Morihei Ueshiba, the founder of Aikido, who had a very different vision of martial art and conflict. Personally, with my background, I liked how Crum blended the concepts in the text. Some, that are more into a traditional "lawyer" type of conflict resolution may feel he becomes a bit "woo woo" at times. I do think it helped me, and probably made me enjoy the book more, because of my years of studying various martial arts, including a little Aikido, which has some of the same roots as my primary art of Hapkido.

Near the end, when Crum talks about Masters of Aiki, he is talking about children, and I had to agree with him and believe this to be my favorite chapter. I agree with him that we can all learn a great deal from children if we just pay attention to the lessons.

The concepts in this book have the power to help resolve conflict and to help people live a higher quality of life. The techniques include meditation, breathing exercises and openness. Some may resist these concepts, but for those that learn from Crum and embrace his teachings, this book will be very valuable. I plan on incorporating some of his ideas not only as a mediator and when I teach conflict resolution, but also into my daily dealings with problems and conflict as they arise.

Reviewed by Alain Burrese, J.D., is a mediator and the author of a regular column on negotiation for The Montana Lawyer.

Great and informative book. Liked it better than the book "The Dance of Anger" .

Thomas Krum's Magic of Conflict is a fresh, new and very effective approach to life in general. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and look forward to continually applying his methods of flowing instead of the standard fight, flight or freeze responses to stress.

if you want to bring the aikido out of the dojo and aiki into daily life, this is the perfect book...