Customer Reviews

Major Conflict: One Gay Man's Life in the Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell Military

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This book is a very heartfelt account of the life of one gay US soldier. It spans roughly two decades: it starts with McGowan's time in the ROTC and goes up to his promotion to Major and his choice to leave the army (with a short epilogue on McGowan's life after the military and his marriage in New Paltz).
I think the book portrays very well the enormous difficulties and the psychological tolls that gay soldiers have to go through in order to continue to serve. Part of the McGowan's service was under the so-called "don't ask, don't tell", part of it was under the previous regime. The book led me to conclude that from a practical point of view there is hardly any difference between the "don't ask, don't tell" and the regime in which gay people were simply excluded: both regimes require gay US soldiers not have a life. It is amazing how pervasive the effects of "don't ask, don't tell" are, how intrusive they are in the everyday life of the soldiers. The book exemplifies how gay soldiers are forced by the policy to lie: they are forced to lie to straight soldier and they are forced to lie to one another because they have no way of being sure whether the other is gay. They can't go to gay bars because if they are seen they are discharged. They can't communicate with their partner openly, even via letter, because it is too risky. McGowan's book shows how "don't ask, don't tell" makes it almost impossible for gay US soldiers to have a life.

The book is moving in many parts; I really came to empathize with Major McGowan. I was also surprised by how full of events his life was.

I also want to note that the book is quite well written. The book would benefit from more editing, but the narrative is really compelling and heartfelt.
I read the book twice in a row.

"Major Conflict: One Gay Man's Life in the Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell Military," by Jeffrey McGowan, is the memoir of a U.S. Army officer and Persian Gulf veteran. McGowan covers many parts of his life and career: his childhood in the Jackson Heights neighborhood of New York City, his youthful struggle to come to grips with his sexual identity, his service as an artillery officer, his duty in Germany at the end of the Cold War era, his combat tour in the first Gulf War against Iraq, duty at Fort Bragg, and his life after the army.

Throughout the book McGowan charts his own search for love and sexual fulfillment in the shadow of the U.S. military's policy of discharging openly gay personnel. Particularly noteworthy are his account of a relationship with another soldier, and his description of the military reaction to the start of the Clinton presidency. McGowan vividly describes the impact the military's homosexuality policies have on gay soldiers; he shows how he was often forced to live a double life of lies and evasion. He also recalls the hounding of other soldiers suspected of being gay.

McGowan also reflects on Army tradition and esprit-de-corps, and gives insight into the experience of combat. The book also touches on the same-sex marriage controversy; as the book jacket notes, he and his partner were married in a ceremony in New Paltz, New York in 2004. The book contains some vivid and well-written sections. Particularly moving is his account of his warm and loving relationship with the grandparents who raised him. "Major Conflict" is a compelling story that effectively explores the timely gays-in-the-military issue.

Jeff McGowan has added an important voice to the national debate over Don't Ask, Don't Tell. "Major Conflict" is both affecting and effective -- an earnest, insightful account of the ethical and emotional compromises that our military demands of gay and lesbian soldiers on a daily basis. It is also a personal memoir of one man's coming of age, first as a citizen and soldier, then as a lover and spouse. The story is well told and, at times, beautiful. I have done extensive scholarly work on Don't Ask, Don't Tell, interviewing scores of gay and lesbian soldiers in the process. McGowan's book ranks among the most powerful of the stories that I have encountered.

We all have a responsibility to understand the impact that our government's irrational and discriminatory policy has upon the gay and lesbian citizens who serve in the defense of our country. Jeff McGowan's book brings us a step closer to that understanding. I recommend it highly.

This book is an honest account of coming to terms with being who you are. It is inspirational reading for anyone who has ever struggled with their identity. It is especially interesting because of its timeliness, because of the war we are currently engaged in. McGowan traveled a long road and followed the light at the end of the tunnel, eventually becoming, with his partner, the first same sex couple to be married in New Paltz. The issues surrounding being gay and being in the military are salient for anyone who is concerned about what is happening in our world, whether or not they are gay. I would congratulate McGowen and anyone like him who kept their struggle honest and didn't give up until they were satisfied with their life. By writing his story, he offers hope to others.

Jeff McGowan wrote this autobiography-critique directly from the heart. He is proud of his military service, but angered that he had to jump through so many hoops to conceal himself. When being fired upon, is their colleague's sex lives really a preoccupation of soldiers?

McGowan openly says that the Army continued to hound soldiers who were suspected of being gay. His personal experiences match up with the statistical research done by Washington, D.C.-based advocacy groups. "Don't ask don't tell" actually encouraged the Pentagon to increase their witch hunts. This was time and energy which could have been spent guarding the country against attack.

I've read other accounts about failures of the 'don't ask don't tell' policy, but appreciated his frank candor. McGowan describes how duplicity is much more damaging to the individual solider, and the entire armed forces. The climate of paranoia increases the intense stress which people are already feeling in a combat situation.

Our country continues to have embarrassing contradictions between `support the troops' and this long-outdated policy. It only increases the psychological stress which people are under in battle and removes the potentially best solider from the battlefield, only because of sexuality.

I feel that his participation in the Persian Gulf and then a marriage ceremony makes this account especially realistic for contemporary audiences. McGowan's book isn't the first and it's not likely to be the last, but the intensely personal writing about very current events makes it so much more powerful.

I recently purchased this book and took it with me on a vacation. Once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. Mr. McGowan wrote the book in a way that made you feel like you were right there. Additionally, having dated a man from the military, his descriptions of what he was going through were right on target. For myself, it was a little painful since his descriptions made me relive a number of hurtful events. However, it also made me realize that there are so many other people in the military that are going through those same emotions. It is very sad that we as a society are still struggling with equality issues after all of the technological advances we have made. I do hope that Mr. McGowan's book is able to help make a positive impact in changing the Military's view of who should and should not be able to serve. Thanks Jeff for writing this and sharing your story.

What a poignant story! To experience the personal journey and struggle of Major McGowan, provided an insight into the life of a gay soldier. It is hard to imagine the inner turmoil he experienced. For a man to make the sacrifice of defending his country, what difference does it make to be gay or straight? This is a well told story about the life of one very brave, strong and genuinely honest human being.
A must read for all Americans.

"Major Conflict " is highly readable...moving and inspiring.
It is a book for all audiences.
McGowan draws you into this well written honest read.
I admire his courage, integrity, and his self awakening humanity.

It's astonshing how our government can discriminate against gay
people who are willing to serve and die for this country.
I recommend anyone who is interested in a changed government to
please pick up the book.

McGowan's style borders on the laconic and is occasionally padded with descriptions of landscapes and military proceedures.
But the author has no trouble conveying his love of New York, soldiering and the lovers in his life. He takes us through the highs of love at first sight, exhilaration of battle and the satisfaction of close ties to family, community and partners.
He also accurately portrays the lows of self-denial, devastating break ups and the frightening level of deep-seated hatred of gays in the army.
McGowan peppers a few personal statements about the hypocrisy of don't ask don't tell but these never come off as politically motivated screeds.
Major Conflict is a short, powerful autobiography with drama and plot struture that rivals any Hollywood script. It features a very admirable and idenifiable protagonist who gets his points across in a way all can understand.

Jeff McGowen reframes the entire issue of "Don't ask, don't tell". We talk about sacrifice and yet ask some to sacrifice more than others. No one should have to lose themselves and feel the kind of isolation Jeff had to endure while serving this country's military. Jeff McGowen's book is both a serious discussion of a policy doomed to failure, an insider's view of the war machine and a closely intimate account of one man's battle to be honest, open and truthful in an army where he would quickly become the enemy despite excellent soldiering. Great book! Everyone should read it, gay straight, old and young.