78 of 78 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Lieberman Understands the Heart of Personal Conflict, July 26, 2004
David Lieberman has written a practical book that gets down to the bottomo of addressing many personal conflicts. He understands that the real issue is Self-esteem. When a person feels his or her self-esteem threatened, conflict emerges. When a person's self-esteem is protected, conflict is lessened or resolved.
The first three chapters, though short, are worth the purchase price of the book. One interesting quotation, typical of the first few chapters, reads as follows: "The barometer that determines how annoyed, frustrated, or angered we become with others in any given situation is based on the degree to which we feel in control of ourselves and our lives. Our respect for ourselves, in short, determines (a) the amount of respect we crave from others and (b) our need to push for control and dominance."
Lieberman offers some very practical advice to help readers address a variety of conflict situations, providing simple but effective illustrations from real life examples.
As a seasoned pastor (over 25 years in the ministry) who has been involved in all sorts of conflict situations, I have deduced a number of principles (explained clearly by Lieberman) over the years the hard way, through the school of hard knocks. Wish this book was around years earlier.
On the negative side, the author makes unrealistic promises in some of the chapter's sub-titles, and even the title of the book is somewhat deceptive, "Make Peace with Anyone." Yet, in the text itself, the author clearly states that some situations have no real solutions. The book would be better if it did not promise complete success in all situations.
I also have a few ethical problems with the book. Lieberman, in some instances, advocates lying. Then, in the last chapter, he claims that the Bible advocates lying to end conflict, an assertion I challenge. Relathionships that cannot espouse truth are not worth maintaining. Addtionally, when one discovers that another has lied, a greater conflict can emerge.
Lieberman also encourages saying nice things about the offended person to a third party so that it gets back around. That just doesn't sit well with me.
On the other hand, people do need to feel listened to and respected, and Lieberman shines in that department. It is great to ask others for advice, and that seems a more legitimate measure to show the offended party that we do indeed respect them (unless we in fact do not!).
He also claims that the Bible teaches Aaron was more popular than Moses because Aaron counseled couples separately when they were having marriage problems (p.108). I have never seen anything even resembling that in Scripture; perhps he confuses the Bible with Talmudic Jewish tradition.
Although Lieberman constantly reinforces his warning not to use these techniques to manipulate others or out of insincere motives, no doubt some will try. But that is not the author's fault: he seems to have a truly humble attitude; those who thusly abuse his advice will find that insincere application of his techniques will backfire. Nobody likes a weasely person.
Despite its flaws, the author has great insights into the realities of human nature. A very helpful book that cuts to the core of the matter.
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57 of 57 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Groundbreaking Work, July 10, 2002
This review is from: Make Peace With Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement (Hardcover)
One of my favorite writers on human behavior, David Lieberman, shares his insight and understanding of conflict in this powerful work. He proposes that conflicts generally follow a basic recipe. The ingredients in the recipe are fear and a perceived loss of respect. If people don't act or react the way we expect then we fear a loss of control. When we fear a loss of control or perceive that there has been a loss of respect then our self-esteem is injured and we follow our first reaction to a loss of self-esteem, we fight back by turning it into anger. If this is the source of the emotional factor in conflict then the solution is to provide the other party with the ability to regain self-respect and at least some sense of control.
How to give this sense of control and self-esteem back to the other party is the focus of the book. Lieberman takes you step by step through many scenarios so that you can learn how to adapt to a situation and proactively make peace with anyone. Whether it is dealing with a long-standing conflict or stopping a problem before it gets out of hand, the book is filled with useful and practical techniques that are sure to dramatically change your relationships with others for the better. A highly recommended read.
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33 of 34 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
On Target, January 12, 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: Make Peace With Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement (Hardcover)
Lieberman's books are a cut above he usual self-help stuff. As he's done in his previous books, he offers actual techniques to use. For the most part they are easy to understand and work faster than you'd think.
I didn't have a major issue, but for an ongoing family situtation, it helped us a lot. His style is conversational and engaging and he's pretty fun to read. Overall I highly recommend the book to anyone who is having a conflict or is estranged or wants to be forgiven for something. A good book to heep around the house or in the office.
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