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422 of 429 people found the following review helpful
This book is one of the simpler and easier to understand of the many books that introduce Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. It is also a little more original in that it does not simply repeat the ideas of Drs. Richard Bandler and John Grinder word-for-word as so many of these books do. The author has studied under Dr. Bandler (as have I) and is a Licensed NLP Master Practitioner.
If you already know NLP, you can skip this book.
If you do not yet know NLP, this is a good introduction for those who have trouble making in-person connections.
NLP is based on observations of how people open themselves up to receive communications from others. Basically, we each have thinking habits that mean we consider subjects in different ways and sequences. When we come upon a way or sequence that is different from ours, we close up and pull back. When we come on one just like ours, we feel relaxed and open, and the message sinks in both consciously and unconsciously. Students of perception estimate that the words you use are less than 25 percent of the communications that are received from you. Your body motions are the primary means of communicating. Your intonation is also important (take time to sound pleasant).
The author focuses on the fact that impressions are formed in the first 10 seconds or so when we meet someone. He encourages us to open ourselves up physically (hands open, coat unbuttoned if you have one on, relaxed), look the other person in the eye, beam (like you are shaking hands), say Hi! with a positive attitude, and lean towards the person. These are universally interpreted as being genuine indications of interest that are perceived by the other person's subconscious mind, and the other person will almost always respond in kind.
There are three primary modes that people use to process thoughts (visual, auditory, and kinesthetic -- both emotions and physical feelings), and remembered and imagined versions of each one. The book contains clues (such as eye movement and choices of verbs) to understand the person's preferences. You are encouraged then to be sure to include those modes. This advice was the weakest point of the book. Dr. Bandler has shown since developing NLP that equally emphasizing all of the modes works even better, so the author would appear not to have worked with Dr. Bandler in some time.
Finally, you are encouraged to mirror and match the behavior of the other person (from breathing to posture to gestures).
The key points of the book, then, can be summarized as a positive attitude toward the other person, synchronicity in actions and locating commonalities, using the correct conversational modes, and emphasizing the sensory preferences of the other person.
The other major weakness of this book is that it does not do enough to help the shy person to get themselves into the mood to do all of these things. Tony Robbins (another former student of Richard Bandler's) has a good technique you can use, which is to remember the most fabulous first meeting you ever had with another person before you step forward to meet the new person. Your mind and body will still be jazzed by the favorable memory, and the viewer will perceive that high level of excitement.
I would like to give the author great credit for his photo. His years of expreience in fashion and advertising photography show off to advantage. He mimics listening to someone with great interest. Look at the photo to get a sense of how someone's posture and expression can affect you.
After you have absorbed these lessons, consider how much your attitude determines the reactions you get from other people. If you are afraid to meet them, that will show. If you are delighted to be with them, that will also show. If your message is important to you, you should take a little time to dress up your attitude and responsiveness if you want to really be dressed for success. Ask yourself if you would really want to listen to you when you do not take the time to be an interested communicator. If not, now may be a good time for a change. You, too, can be irresistible -- when you want to be. Also, be aware that the person who seems so interested in your may simply be a devoted student of NLP. Keep probing for trustworthiness!
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144 of 148 people found the following review helpful
on August 7, 2006
My 16 year old son has always been shy. I gave my son this book to read over the summer to see if it could help him overcome some of his shyness before entering his junior year in high school. Overnight, this book changed his life. Everytime he practiced a new skill his self confidence grew. Everyone is commenting on the change in him. I have purchased extra copies of this book to give to other kids who are ready to gain confidence in themselves; to feel comfortable enough with themselves to meet new people and feel comfortable with old friends. Over the years I have tried teaching my son some of the skills in this book, but until my son read the book himself he just didn't get it. Now he does. He is the happy kid I have always known him to be. He is constantly smiling now and rushes to meet life head on. I highly recommend this book to teens and adults looking for a simple answer on how to meet people and make them like you in 90 seconds or less.
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121 of 129 people found the following review helpful
on February 8, 2003
This is a great book which can help make people like you in a very short time. I found it in a Book Exhibition, and decided to buy it since the title attracted me.
It's really useful when you learn how to attract attention of people which is very important in our daily life.
This book is concise, user-friendly and uses simple language for conveying the auther's message.
Part (1) is an introduction about the importance of the first impression. There is an old saying which is true most of the time (The first impression is the last impression.) All what you need is to adopt a positive attitude, make sure your words, tone, and gestures are in harmony, and use your gift in organizing your speech to maintain an attractive conversation by using open-ended questions to try to discover what the other person likes.
Part (2) focuses on the first 90 seconds for establishing a rapport. As Mr. Boothman said, the key to establish a rapport with people is to learn how to be like them.
Part (3) is talking about the secrets of interactions. I was amazed when I learned that some people rely on visual cues, others on auditory or kinesthetic (touch) input. You just should try to discover what the other person prefers and use it to your best advantage! After doing the exercise to determine my favorite sense, it came out to be (Visual)! The author gives us some exercises for determining the characteristics of the people whose favorable senses are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.
Keep in you mind that your reward at the end will be the acceptance of the other person for your personality.
However, I agree with some reviewers that there are few points which were not clarified in this book:
1. emphasizing on general appearance.
2. exploring coversational techniques.
3. overcoming shyness for some people.
4. speaking to more than 1 person.
In summary, I recommend this book for anybody who is interested in the "psychology" of how to give a good impression in 90 seconds or less!
Well done Mr. Boothman!
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56 of 57 people found the following review helpful
on August 13, 2001
I have recently read your book! And simply put ..this information is user friendly and it works.
I am the Director of business development with an audio,lighting and staging company in Canada.Using this informaton made more sales for my company!
I have 2 stories to relate to you.
Story #1 Part of our operation involves a retail sector. I was watching our sales staff present our products , they were asking all the " Closing" questions but were failing to get the sale. They were talking but not connecting! I took one of the sales people aside and using Nick's teachings from his book I found out my sales rep. was an Auditory. Guess what? That is the way he was relating to the clients.
I pointed out that his clients were any one of 3 types of people. Visuals, Auditory, Kino(Touchy Feely Type). I taught him a quick lesson on how to determine which they were. Then I told him to communicate with them in a way they like to process the information.
If they were visual he would show them something...If they were auditory he would let them listen to it...and if the were a "Kino" he would talk about how this would make them feel. Results were INSTANT increased Sales!
Story #2
I was asked by a major Canadian corporation to assist senior management with presentation techniques. I took the teachings of Nick to the boardroom. I helped them construct a presentation that would cover all the various "types" of people that would be the target audience. The result was out standing! All the presenters who listend and practiced were complimented on a job well done. And for all my hard work I secured yet another client for our company.
This book will help business people turn a transaction into an Interaction.....That means RAPPORT! That means increased sales. Bravo!
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31 of 31 people found the following review helpful
This is a quick read (less than two hours) but it has enough tips in it, that once you've finished it, you'll want to go back and reread parts of it again.

Written in an easy to understand format, it is an introductory guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). If you already know a little about NLP, you would probably prefer some more advanced literature, but if this is the first time you've been exposed to these types of techniques, you'll find it to be a great introduction.

A word of caution -- simply reading this book will not turn you into the most popular person on the block. However, even adding just a few of these techniques to your repertoire will help.

I like to lend this book to friends preparing for job interviews. I was reading this book while interviewing for a new job. I believe it was my improved ability to quickly connect with strangers, brought about in part by using some of these techniques, which helped me to secure my new job. (One interviewer later told me that he felt like he'd known me forever. "We connected right from the start.")

Target Audience: You sometimes don't make a great first impression with people, and you wish you could connect with people quicker. The more you practice these techniques, the more powerful they become.
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75 of 85 people found the following review helpful
VINE VOICEon January 7, 2001
The author over-simplifies the solution to making people like us to a few techniques based Neuro Linguistic Research theory. The reader is expected to evaluate a stranger based on that persons preferred type of sensory input and to react appropriately to it. This technique would seem of limited value given the many changing moods, predjudices, likes, dislikes and bias's that will confound any valid determination of "sensory type" (and what if your determination is wrong or you have to talk to more then one person at a time or you're just boring?). Little time is devoted to any new conversational techniques, over-coming personal shyness, speaking with more then 1 person at a time, physical appearance, or the tremendous value of being a well rounded, knowledgeable person - a person who actually has something worth listening to.
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59 of 66 people found the following review helpful
on November 2, 2011
The actual useful information in this book could have been condensed into a blog post or even a facebook status update. Most of it is fluff or common sense and the exercises are just silly. Basically it boils down to: when meeting a person, be friendly and act like they act. That's it. I just saved you $15.
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30 of 32 people found the following review helpful
on October 22, 2000
This concise, easy-to-read book is all about establishing rapport with people. The author delves into what happens during the initial moments of personal contact when we tend to form "first impressions." Boothman takes a separate look at each of the senses during the meeting process, with a particular focus on verbal and body language. The reader learns to orchestrate an interaction to achieve a specific goal, which is often to be liked and accepted by the other person.
Fiction writers, in particular, will appreciate the chapter that includes a discussion on the three major senses people use to take in information - sight, sound and touch. Surprisingly, we speak using a verbal dialogue that feeds the sense we rely on the most. By incorporating characters' verbal styles and sensory-related actions with their body language, writers can create even more vivid fiction.
The book is written in a straightforward manner, and is peppered with anecdotes and metaphors. This self-help book will empower people invigorate their social and professional lives.
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42 of 47 people found the following review helpful
on January 13, 2001
I read it last night and went to the mall today to try it out--amazing! My 9 year old daughter has always had difficulty looking at people when they speak to her and I realized she's definately an "Auditory" individual--turning her ear to people when they speak. I'm going to simplify the exercises and put them in "9-year-old" terminology to help her connect with people easier. Her assignment today was to find out what her teachers eye color is. Mr. Boothman should write a book for kids. I WISH I had know this stuff when I was young!
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27 of 29 people found the following review helpful
Okay, so everyone is writing how-to books. Why? They sell. Why? Because we know we could be better than we are and most of us want that to happen. Boothman's book is a plus in any library. He tells what to do and what not to do when meeting friend or foe. With the usual hello or go to hell out of the way, he makes good suggestions about how to build natural rapport. My favorite part of the book is how to get along with a bully. The bottom line is that with just a little practice you can have complete strangers saying, "There's something about this person I really like." Success! Since I'm considered one of America's most controversial authors, that's a very difficult thing for me to accomplish even on my good days. So if this book helped me make a few friends, just think what it can do for you.
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