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Make Up Don't Break Up Hardcover – October, 1999

7 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews Review

There are many "potholes on the road to love," says therapist Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., who stresses that despite the heady emotions involved, loving is a skill that needs to be learned: "It's very easy to 'fall' in love, but very few people know how to stay in love." Weil teaches "Smart Heart Skills" to strengthen a relationship when you're tempted to abandon it. You learn how to "connect, disconnect, and reconnect" with your partner.

This book has plenty of substance. Weil describes the typical problems that couples experience, explains what's going on and why, and teaches skills to overcome those problems. For example, are you a Pursuer or a Distancer? How about your partner? What can you do to ease the other's fears and create a healthy bond? How can you "fight fair"? Why is it important to do family-of-origin work? Frequent tips, self-tests, dialogues, case studies, and the author's personal stories make the information easy to read and absorb. And if you think you have a history of awful dates, wait until you read the author's horror stories!

Although more than 60 percent of modern marriages end in divorce, Weil claims that 98 percent of the couples who learn and use her program make up instead of break up. And 98 percent of her single patients who learn these tools end up in love and marrying, usually within a year or two. This book is endorsed by two relationship biggies: Harville Hendrix and John Gray. --Joan Price

From Library Journal

New York magazine named Weil one of New York City's top therapists; she has been featured on many TV shows, published her work in many magazines, and written a best seller, Adultery: The Forgivable Sin. All this makes it hard to understand why her current effort is so lackluster. Here she struggles to pick an audience, dealing at first with long-term relationships but then throwing in a section on dating. Feminists will find much to quibble with in this book. For example, Weil encourages readers to work with current relationships rather than getting new ones but never tempers this advice with any caution regarding abusive partners. She also keeps telling women that they need to be the "Connection Guardians," since they have innate knowledge about relationships. Finally, she refers constantly to the "Smart Heart" skills she developed and to her own success with them in her marriage with Jeff, the Prince, which can grate. Not particularly recommended, but demand will probably warrant purchase.APamela A. Matthews, Gettysburg Coll. Lib., PA
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media Corporation; First Edition edition (October 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1580621635
  • ISBN-13: 978-1580621632
  • Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.8 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #190,391 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

39 of 39 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 26, 2000
Format: Hardcover
This book stresses that unless you work on yourself and come to terms with your own issues, you will encounter similar problems in future relationships. Even if someone great comes along in your life, if you are messed up, the relationship will not work out.
For many people, it is easy to end a relationship for good and find another partner. But this book forces you to question whether doing so is the solution to your relationship problems. Rather than running away from your problems, try to fix it. Then again, the book is not advocating that someone stays in a relationship that is patently destructive/abusive.
Some key things the author advocates: 1. Going back to the past - look at your parents' relationship and see how it has affected your own perceptions of creating loving relationships. Come to terms and even forgive what has been done wrong to you by your parent(s).
2. Temporary break-ups/separations - to shake things up a bit. If there has been a stalemate, spend time apart from your partner to re-evaluate whether the relationship is important enought to work for.
This was the first relationship book that I have bought and I have no regrets. Normally, I stay away from them but this one truly helped me to try to work things out with my boyfriend.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on October 31, 2001
Format: Hardcover
The title of this book really should have been, "How to play the relationship game and win!" It is awesome and it definitely works for me!
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Stephanie Manley VINE VOICE on February 27, 2005
Format: Hardcover
I really liked this book, it seems to be lower on fluff, and higher on substance. This book will help you figure out your style and your personal needs in a relationship. She is also great at assessing your partner's needs and relationship style. This book gives sound advice, while lifting up your spirits.

Often the person that we have a great amount of internal conflict with is the exact person that can help heal wounds from childhood. Unfortunately, we come with different styles, and sometimes we need to adapt for the person that is having the harder time to commit.

She gives clear advice, and ideas on how you can best adapt to your partner without sacrificing your self respect, and dignity. Will this book work for me? It already has in helping me to reframe a past relationship, and hopefully in future ones, I can bypass some of those stumblings I have made in the past. I definate must if you think you should break up, or have broken up and want to get back together.
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4 of 6 people found the following review helpful By melodie brown on May 23, 2000
Format: Hardcover
Very insightful, and enlightening. I've always thought there should be a handbook given out when you enter a relationship, there always situations that throw you for a loop. Hey, I think I finally found my handbook, just like the one you'd get with your VCR!
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