Customer Reviews

Make Up Don't Break Up

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book stresses that unless you work on yourself and come to terms with your own issues, you will encounter similar problems in future relationships. Even if someone great comes along in your life, if you are messed up, the relationship will not work out.

For many people, it is easy to end a relationship for good and find another partner. But this book forces you to question whether doing so is the solution to your relationship problems. Rather than running away from your problems, try to fix it. Then again, the book is not advocating that someone stays in a relationship that is patently destructive/abusive.

Some key things the author advocates: 1. Going back to the past - look at your parents' relationship and see how it has affected your own perceptions of creating loving relationships. Come to terms and even forgive what has been done wrong to you by your parent(s).

2. Temporary break-ups/separations - to shake things up a bit. If there has been a stalemate, spend time apart from your partner to re-evaluate whether the relationship is important enought to work for.

This was the first relationship book that I have bought and I have no regrets. Normally, I stay away from them but this one truly helped me to try to work things out with my boyfriend.

The title of this book really should have been, "How to play the relationship game and win!" It is awesome and it definitely works for me!

I really liked this book, it seems to be lower on fluff, and higher on substance. This book will help you figure out your style and your personal needs in a relationship. She is also great at assessing your partner's needs and relationship style. This book gives sound advice, while lifting up your spirits.
Often the person that we have a great amount of internal conflict with is the exact person that can help heal wounds from childhood. Unfortunately, we come with different styles, and sometimes we need to adapt for the person that is having the harder time to commit.
She gives clear advice, and ideas on how you can best adapt to your partner without sacrificing your self respect, and dignity. Will this book work for me? It already has in helping me to reframe a past relationship, and hopefully in future ones, I can bypass some of those stumblings I have made in the past. I definate must if you think you should break up, or have broken up and want to get back together.

Very insightful, and enlightening. I've always thought there should be a handbook given out when you enter a relationship, there always situations that throw you for a loop. Hey, I think I finally found my handbook, just like the one you'd get with your VCR!

I haven't read the book yet. It arrived about a week after I ordered it. I am happy with my purchase.

This was probably the least pleasant relationship book I've read. I couldn't finish it; it was just not fun. I kind of felt like, if this is what must be done in order to be in a relationship, I'd rather not be in one. Relationship are work, but the work given in this book seemed unrealistic as well as emotionally painful. The author states that it is essential for everyone to do an "Origin of Family" work with their parents, or else any relationship you form is doomed. This is about going to to your parents and working on things with them.

I think the one passage that really motivated me to stop reading this book, is when the author discusses how she got her future-husband to do the Family of Origin work with his deceased father. The author's father went with her future husband to the future husband's father's grave. There, the author's father announced out loud to the grave, something to the effect of, (I'm making this up) "Here is your son, who is in pain and wants to get close to my daughter but has walls up due to his need to forgive himself over your death, and forgive you for dying. From here on in, I'll be his father when he needs one and I'll talk for you." OK, really great dad, but not everyone is going to do this.

All in all, the whole book I found is about dividing partners into who is the "pursuer" and who is the "distancer" and exercises for how the pursuer should back off and ask for more in a non-threatening way, and how the distancer should reach out more to the pursuer. This is good advice, but the fact that the whole of dealing with relationships is all about reaching and stretching and asking and negotiating and being patient and backing off, just made the idea of being in a relationship, so not fun.

The title of this book really should have been, "How to play the relationship game and win!" It is awesome and it definitely works for me!