Customer Reviews

Making Loss Matter : Creating Meaning in Difficult Times

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2 star:		(1)
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I made two assumptions about this book before reading it: a) that it would be a book about spirituality (since a Rabbi wrote it) and b) that it would be about death and mourning. While there is certainly allusion to both of these, I found it much more compelling as a work of psychology, an archaeology of "loss" as an existential proposition rather than some vacuous "how to cope" cheer. For those that eschew the popular self-help canon, this book is a compelling resource as it grounds its propositions in the wisdom of historical, secular literary figures as well the usual roll call from the Torah and Talmud, and tempers the admixture with sensitivity and common sense. The book's uplifting quality results not just from the reiteration of the sages, but from its baseline humanity, the degree to which it addresses the decent human being coming to terms with mediocrity, foolishness, defects of character, and/or miscarried hopes that drain the optimism from the average life. The reconciliation it ultimately espouses, the "making loss matter" aspect, reinvests the individual with the perspective necessary to manage not just the "big deaths," but the more subtle demises, the death-by-papercut drainage of our happiness, individuality, and sense of connection to something greater than ourselves.

First I checked it out of the library serendipitously; then I had to own it and purchased my own copy from Amazon. Within a week I had referred it to a number of people whose lives it touched. There is no one who doesn't need this book. It is 21st century wisdom with the depth of ancient sages and vast scope of religous tradition behind it. Wolpe understands life. He crafts sentences that go to the core of the matter of loss and life and difficulty and human nature. Though I am not Jewish, I relished getting out my Old Testament and re-reading the stories of Abraham, Jacob, Job and others after reading Making Loss Matter. As one who has an interest in things spiritual and God-based all her life, I find this book among the best I have ever read and cannot recommend it highly enough--to ANYONE who is human.

From the viewpoint of forty years as a liberal Christian minister, reading Rabbi David Wolpe's MAKNG LOSS MATTER was a pleasant journey. Generally speaking, Christians believe in a future existence beyond death, while Jews do not. Wolpe leaves a door open when he writes, "The soft insistent voice of something more whispers in our ear. Can this be all?" Wolpe's open heart and lucid prose touched me time and time again. I have underlined many of his thoughs such as, "I am a rabbi because there is in me, as there is in you, a child, a child that knows that somewhere we not alone, that this world is bathed in miracles, and that for every pain there is beauty, for every loss there is love, and for every waste there is wonder." All members of the human race can be lifted by his beautiful lines such as, "Refusing to succumb to despair is the greatest act of faith. We may despair for a moment. Darkness seems ascendant. We cry out. But stirring is the certainty that the pain of a particuar loss is a sign of having loved. Where the capacity to love has been, it can be again." Not just for Jews, his book speaks to all who suffer or rejoice.

This is a wonderful, realistic book on how to deal with loss in a meaningful way, acknowleding that faith may come and go...and that is OK. Rabbi Wolpe shares his innermost thoughts and fears, drawing upon his own life and it's losses. Having lost my beloved 12 year old son to brain cancer 4 years ago, this book will be a welcome addition to my ever growing library of pieces of literature that will somehow be there to help me make sense of my life---and most importantly, my son's life. Thank you, Rabbi Wolpe.

When the adoption of two foster children fell through and they left our home, I was heartbroken. I said kaddish even though the children were still alive. I sat shiva by myself. Family and friends were sad with us but most found it too uncomfortable to discuss. My rabbi suggested that I read this book, and I'm so glad I did. Rabbi Wolpe soothed my broken heart and helped me to accept what I could not control. His words gave me the courage to have faith in G-d again, because he made me see that I had an important role in the children's lives.

We suffer losses more often than we like to admit. Rabbi Wolpe enables us to embrace them and use them to make ours and others lives better.

Like Jacob, who wrestled with G_d and refused to let Him go until he extracted a blessing from Him, and thus earned the name "Israel" (he who struggles strongly with G_d), David Wolpe tackles one of the oldest and hardest questions, "Does my suffering matter or is it just meaningless chance?" Poignantly, after throwing away his first attempts which were drawn from his extensive scholarship and erudition, and making the scary decision to write instead from his own heart, he found out that his young wife, a new mother, has cancer. No easy answers here, but a lot of deep thought and honest feelings, plus a way of at least approaching life's inevitable losses with real courage born not of bravado and forced stoicism, but of a struggling faith that will not let go until it has received a blessing---the gift of knowing that the struggle is not in vain.

This is a book that redeems the promise of its title: it makes losses matter. It does so through a remarkably candid recounting of an on-going struggle for religious faith. It convinces us that losses in fact matter, as do our reactions to them, as do our reactions to the losses of others. It demonstrates that ultimately they are the occasion for growth as well as sorrow, and that we can define them rather than have them define us. You could not ask for more from a book.

Another stellar book from Rabbi David Wolpe. The many different kinds of "loss" people experience in their lives are explored and are shown to be actually foundations for life enrichment.

Up front I must confess that buying this book was a mistake. I never heard of it or the author. I am a great fan of the writings and videos of Mitch Albom. While ordering another book I spotted this book and Mitch Album's name. The price was right so I bought it and learned upon arrival that he only wrote an introduction to the book. Upon reading the book I was delighted for the error.
The Rabbi deals with so many questions of life. I was impressed with his handeling of the fact that loss is part of life. As a child I think most of us feel that the good times will always be the same. Upon the transition to adulthood we find everything in time will change. I wish I could express my feelings about this book as eloquently as he writes. He is a Rabbi but he talks about his journey to his post, doubting his faith and his return to beliefs, how without loss we wouldn't appreciate many moments in life to the same degree. I have been experiencing many of lifes challenges (the loss of my 96 year old mother, Health and financial challenges) after reading the book I realized that perception of the problem is half the battle. He shares his feelings about his wifes cancer.
I feel the philosophy, at least for me, is something to contemplate. It was at least refreshing to know that even clergy wrestle with many of lifes mysteries. He does offer food for thought on how to address these questions. I am glad it is part of my library and I plan to order another copy to loan to friends.

Rabbi Wolpe put into eloquent words the inner truth that we all must inevitable face, making loss matter. The challenge is how to create special tribute and/or a memorial of this loss in our individual lives.