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Making Love Again: Hope for Couples Facing Loss of Sexual Intimacy Hardcover – January 1, 2002

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Frequently Bought Together

  • Making Love Again: Hope for Couples Facing Loss of Sexual Intimacy
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Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Intended for lay readers, these complementary books discuss the theory and practice of treating sexual dysfunction. Hakim is a surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic in Weston, FL, with a practice devoted to treating women's and men's sexual problems. The Couple's Disease covers a wide variety of syndromes with detailed but digestible descriptions and a heartening array of curative approaches pharmaceutical, surgical, and psychosocial. Hakim accurately notes that while psychosocial causes for sexual problems were considered "the rule" in the past, recent findings identify many more pharmaco-medical factors. Caveats to treatments are offered appropriately, current research is described, and the illustrations are very clear. The appendix on sexually transmitted diseases is welcome, and the fictionalized "Dr. Hakim's Waiting Room" sections provide interesting and sometimes amusing glimpses of patients' concerns, despite appearing a bit self-promotional. An index and a more complete bibliography to studies mentioned in the text would have rendered this book even more valuable. Married for 30-some years, the Lakens confronted and survived male erectile dysfunction as a side effect of prostate surgery. Their first-person account is readable, informative, and persuasive. While Keith had the dysfunction, both he and Virginia underwent mutual and individual healing to reinstate sexual intimacy disrupted by the surgery. The passages that explore their emotional conflicts allow readers to empathize and to validate their own hesitations about seeking treatment without minimizing the difficulties. Paradoxically, a glossary, extended bibliography and resources list, and index make this book more professionally complete than Hakim's. Both books are solidly recommended for all public libraries. Martha Cornog, Philadelphia
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.


" a must-read textbook for physicians...from patient's point of view...a handbook for thousands dealing with erectile dysfunction." -- The Washington Post

"...with such unreserved honesty that the book is a genuine page-turner." -- Psychology Today

"A couple's book chronicles how they reclaimed and redefined intimacy." -- The Los Angeles Times

"A groundbreaking book that is a ‘must read’...Should be in all hospital, medical, public and personal libraries." -- Chris Kraft, Ph.D., Johns Hopkins Center for Marital and Sexual Health

"A remarkable story for both patients and physicians." -- David Barrett, M.D., Chief Executive Officer, Lahey Clinic, Boston, Massachusetts

"Clearly this effort is a labor of love and an effort to help other couples dealing with ED." -- Family Urology

"Remarkably candid…offers informed accounts of what medicine and modern psychology have to offer couples dealing with male sexual dysfunction." -- Boston Sunday Herald

"The newest national poster people for impotence...a candid and explicit new book." -- Minneapolis Star Tribune

"We recommend all those who want to improve their relationships read this book." -- Many Hamelburg
Executive Director
Massachusetts Prostate Cancer Coalition

"…professionally complete…solidly recommended for all public libraries." --Library Journal

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 228 pages
  • Publisher: North Star Pubns; 1St Edition edition (January 1, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0965506789
  • ISBN-13: 978-0965506786
  • Product Dimensions: 1 x 6.2 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #977,816 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 34 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 23, 2002
Shortly after my own prostate cancer (PCa) diagnosis on 11/23/99, my treatment rendered me impotent. Besides the physical effect, the psychological impact on me was devastating. I prowled the Net looking for books or Web sites that addressed the problem and found that while there is considerable advice on PCa and treatment, the effect on the man and the relationship was, by comparison, ignored so I built a Web site to fill that gap.
In the two years since, I have become intimately familiar with the problem that men and couples face and can say that "Making Love Again" is one of the very best resources for any couple that must face the sexual effects of PCa treatment. What is exceptional is that the perspective of the companion - in this case, Virginia - is foremost. Every woman who lives with man effected by treatment should read it. She, and Keith, have filled a need and have recorded it with a style and honesty that is equally rare.
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31 of 33 people found the following review helpful By Harold McFarland HALL OF FAMEVINE VOICE on December 24, 2002
For Virginia the decision seemed easy, Keith's fear of becoming impotent from the prostatectomy was irrational in relation to the possibility of dying. How could he even think that being able to have sex was as important as living? For Keith the decision was not as easy. With his male ego wrapped up in the decision and the importance of being able to have sex with his wife it just was not as simple. After deciding in favor of the operation there was a lot of adjustments to be made and Virginia found that things were a lot more complex than she had imagined.
In "Making Love Again", Virginia and Keith Laken invite the reader into their personal lives and the difficulties they faced as a result of his prostatectomy. Their thoughts, fears, hopes, and disappointments are laid bare to the reader as they openly discuss deeply personal questions and feelings. If you ever wanted to know what it is like to deal with impotence in a marital relationship this book deals with the emotional struggles that are not normally discussed openly. The power of a loving commitment, strength for the challenge, and hope shine through as well as a true commitment to help others through the copious listing of sources of help in the appendix.
Readers should be cautioned that because this book necessarily discusses sexual intimacy between two people some may find it too graphic at points. On the other hand, it shows the extent to which the authors are letting the reader into their personal lives. "Making Love Again" is a very highly recommended book for those going through concerns about a prostatectomy or any sudden impotency of a permanent or temporary nature.
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24 of 26 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 14, 2004
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14 years after my husband's first diagnosis of prostate cancer I learned several facts in this book, but, most important, for the first time it has made me begin to believe that things CAN be different for us if we both choose to work at it.
Diagnosis. Treatment he chose and I said I'd support was radiation and we *thought* we'd been told about all the possible longterm effects. NOT SO! Six years later I saw a vital, athletic, physical man feeling totally becoming afraid of, tense about, uninterested in our previously-fabulous sex life. Finally, this week when I read this book, we learned that some impotence develops much later from radiation than from surgery, but it *will* develop!
Then depression. Deep. Sullen. Withdrawal from interests and from me. Our physician prescribed medication and counseling. The counselor saw him *once* and said, "Go home and don't be so passive!" Flat, flat affect. No joy. But he kept *trying*, bless him!
Then four years ago recurrence! It took my husband
over 6 months to choose a treatment and he only did so then because our doctor and I insisted on it! Surgery. At our city's outstanding cancer center. SUCCESS. His PSA is undetectable.
He does have some mild incontinece.
The surgery team introduced us to Muse. It worked 90% for us and the team was very excited for us. We used it once. Once in 3 1/2 years! From then on my husband has just refused to act on sex, talk about sex.
I've tried everything. I've begged my husband to return to the team and ask them for direction. He couldn't bring himself to do that. We grew farther and farther apart. My heart was breaking. I felt unattractive and sad and rejected.
Last week I read this book. I finished it in two sittings.
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful By T. Osgood on May 2, 2006
Verified Purchase
This book is written by a husband and wife who continue to experience permanent impotence as a result of prostate cancer sugery. The book is structured like a "diary" with dated entires over a several-year period written separately by both husband and wife who are honest about their fears, disappointments and frustrations. It does not dwell on the surgery itself, but focuses on the post-surgical successes and disappointments as they try to engage in sexual relations using various options. It focuses on the loving relationship between the spouses, but it is also realistic about sexual needs -- from both partners' perspectives.

My husband is a young 65 and I am 46; we read this book out loud together about 9 months post-prostatectomy surgery, and it was tremendously helpful to both of us. After the surgery, the doctor had told us that impotence was unlikely in our situation, so we were not prepared for it. The book was particularly helpful with dealing with the disappointment we both felt in this regard. The book also helped us to see that most couples have to struggle with several alternatives for intimacy over a lengthy period and that not every option works for every couple.

The book was not at all preachy, but instead was subtly encouraging to my husband to be open to trying a wide variety of options that we probably would not have considered otherwise. (It does not suggest anything kinky). It gave us information that allowed us to resume [drug-induced] intercourse, which we believed was physically impossible.

A big relevation for me was that impotency is not always an "all or nothing" concept. I had no idea how discouraging it can be for a male who simply doesn't know whether he can or cannot physically perform -- or whether he will ever be able to.
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