Making Love Again: Hope for Couples Facing Loss of Sexual Intimacy [Hardcover]

Virginia Laken (Author), Keith Laken (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 2002

Each year in this country, 30 million men and their partners are robbed of an essential part of their lives when they are faced with sexual dysfunction due to diabetes, prostate cancer, an injury or psychological reasons. Many desperately want advice, but are too embarrassed to broach the subject with a doctor or even with each other.

In their timely and medically recognized book, Making Love Again, Virginia and Keith Laken give hope to these individuals who, like themselves, want to "feel normal" again.

Virginia tells the story of how she and her husband have dealt with his sexual dysfunction, brought on by a radical prostectomy at the age of forty-nine. She reveals the solutions that have brought them closer together, and offers further resources and support groups that can be found on both the Internet and through local and national organizations.

Making Love Again proves that it is possible to break free of one's pre-conceived ideas about sex, and to overcome impotency by continuing to make love in whatever form lovemaking may take.

With a foreward by Dr. David Barrett, CEO of the Lahey Clinic, readers will admire the medical community's acknowledgement of this book as an aid to couples seeking to regain physical intimacy.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Intended for lay readers, these complementary books discuss the theory and practice of treating sexual dysfunction. Hakim is a surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic in Weston, FL, with a practice devoted to treating women's and men's sexual problems. The Couple's Disease covers a wide variety of syndromes with detailed but digestible descriptions and a heartening array of curative approaches pharmaceutical, surgical, and psychosocial. Hakim accurately notes that while psychosocial causes for sexual problems were considered "the rule" in the past, recent findings identify many more pharmaco-medical factors. Caveats to treatments are offered appropriately, current research is described, and the illustrations are very clear. The appendix on sexually transmitted diseases is welcome, and the fictionalized "Dr. Hakim's Waiting Room" sections provide interesting and sometimes amusing glimpses of patients' concerns, despite appearing a bit self-promotional. An index and a more complete bibliography to studies mentioned in the text would have rendered this book even more valuable. Married for 30-some years, the Lakens confronted and survived male erectile dysfunction as a side effect of prostate surgery. Their first-person account is readable, informative, and persuasive. While Keith had the dysfunction, both he and Virginia underwent mutual and individual healing to reinstate sexual intimacy disrupted by the surgery. The passages that explore their emotional conflicts allow readers to empathize and to validate their own hesitations about seeking treatment without minimizing the difficulties. Paradoxically, a glossary, extended bibliography and resources list, and index make this book more professionally complete than Hakim's. Both books are solidly recommended for all public libraries. Martha Cornog, Philadelphia
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From the Publisher

Never before has one couple offered to share the intimate story of their struggle with impotence. Usually relegated to the realm of medical texts, this topic is so sensitive that partners can barely discuss it with each other let alone write it down for the world to read.

Virginia and Keith Laken's eminently readable story details the arguments and the frustration they experienced in dealing with his impotence. At the same time, it also gives readers a great deal of hope.

Virginia and Keith took to heart the simple advice of their Mayo Clinic psychologist to never stop making love, in whatever form love-making may take. Feeling strongly that sex is worth saving, the couple learned that persistence can make all the difference.

Making Love Again is emotionally engaging, and full of the optimism sought by others struggling with impotence.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 228 pages
• Publisher: Ant Hill Press; 1St Edition edition (January 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0965506789
• ISBN-13: 978-0965506786
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.7 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #196,952 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

29 of 30 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A honest, compassionate book on a tough topic, February 23, 2002

By 

"webmasterphoenix5" (Cincinnati, oh United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Making Love Again: Hope for Couples Facing Loss of Sexual Intimacy (Hardcover)

Shortly after my own prostate cancer (PCa) diagnosis on 11/23/99, my treatment rendered me impotent. Besides the physical effect, the psychological impact on me was devastating. I prowled the Net looking for books or Web sites that addressed the problem and found that while there is considerable advice on PCa and treatment, the effect on the man and the relationship was, by comparison, ignored so I built a Web site to fill that gap.

In the two years since, I have become intimately familiar with the problem that men and couples face and can say that "Making Love Again" is one of the very best resources for any couple that must face the sexual effects of PCa treatment. What is exceptional is that the perspective of the companion - in this case, Virginia - is foremost. Every woman who lives with man effected by treatment should read it. She, and Keith, have filled a need and have recorded it with a style and honesty that is equally rare.

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Sensitive, insightful, helpful for those facing impotency, December 24, 2002

By 

Harold McFarland (Florida) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Making Love Again: Hope for Couples Facing Loss of Sexual Intimacy (Hardcover)

For Virginia the decision seemed easy, Keith's fear of becoming impotent from the prostatectomy was irrational in relation to the possibility of dying. How could he even think that being able to have sex was as important as living? For Keith the decision was not as easy. With his male ego wrapped up in the decision and the importance of being able to have sex with his wife it just was not as simple. After deciding in favor of the operation there was a lot of adjustments to be made and Virginia found that things were a lot more complex than she had imagined.

In "Making Love Again", Virginia and Keith Laken invite the reader into their personal lives and the difficulties they faced as a result of his prostatectomy. Their thoughts, fears, hopes, and disappointments are laid bare to the reader as they openly discuss deeply personal questions and feelings. If you ever wanted to know what it is like to deal with impotence in a marital relationship this book deals with the emotional struggles that are not normally discussed openly. The power of a loving commitment, strength for the challenge, and hope shine through as well as a true commitment to help others through the copious listing of sources of help in the appendix.

Readers should be cautioned that because this book necessarily discusses sexual intimacy between two people some may find it too graphic at points. On the other hand, it shows the extent to which the authors are letting the reader into their personal lives. "Making Love Again" is a very highly recommended book for those going through concerns about a prostatectomy or any sudden impotency of a permanent or temporary nature.

21 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I've Found Real Hope After 14 Years, June 14, 2004

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Making Love Again: Hope for Couples Facing Loss of Sexual Intimacy (Hardcover)

14 years after my husband's first diagnosis of prostate cancer I learned several facts in this book, but, most important, for the first time it has made me begin to believe that things CAN be different for us if we both choose to work at it.

Diagnosis. Treatment he chose and I said I'd support was radiation and we *thought* we'd been told about all the possible longterm effects. NOT SO! Six years later I saw a vital, athletic, physical man feeling totally becoming afraid of, tense about, uninterested in our previously-fabulous sex life. Finally, this week when I read this book, we learned that some impotence develops much later from radiation than from surgery, but it *will* develop!

Then depression. Deep. Sullen. Withdrawal from interests and from me. Our physician prescribed medication and counseling. The counselor saw him *once* and said, "Go home and don't be so passive!" Flat, flat affect. No joy. But he kept *trying*, bless him!

Then four years ago recurrence! It took my husband
over 6 months to choose a treatment and he only did so then because our doctor and I insisted on it! Surgery. At our city's outstanding cancer center. SUCCESS. His PSA is undetectable.
He does have some mild incontinece.

The surgery team introduced us to Muse. It worked 90% for us and the team was very excited for us. We used it once. Once in 3 1/2 years! From then on my husband has just refused to act on sex, talk about sex.

I've tried everything. I've begged my husband to return to the team and ask them for direction. He couldn't bring himself to do that. We grew farther and farther apart. My heart was breaking. I felt unattractive and sad and rejected.

Last week I read this book. I finished it in two sittings. And I was deeply touched and am now full of hope and new courage. When I handed it to my husband I only said that it was the most important thing that has happened to us in 14 years. I said it has touched me deeply and asked him to read it this week so we can discuss it next weekend. He promised he will read it tonight.....but, interestingly, he has gone to bed early not feeling well. Whether it's another "avoiding" or a real headache I won't know but a few days. But I really believe that when he does read it he will see he's not alone. He'll see we are not alone.

Right now I'm going to order several copies. I'll give one to each of our adult children so they'll know where we've been in our marriage. One will go to our surgery team to share with patients. Another will go to our family doctor so she can read it and have more personal knowledge of what prostate couples go through.

This is one of the five most important books in my life.