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Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women, and the Rewards of Intimate Justice Paperback – January 28, 2008


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Soft Skull Press (January 28, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1933368683
  • ISBN-13: 978-1933368689
  • Product Dimensions: 0.7 x 5.5 x 8.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,356,089 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dick Wimmer is a professor of English at Pepperdine University and the author of numerous works of fiction' as well as screenplays for television and film. Some of his books include Baseball Fathers' Baseball Sons (1988)' Boyne's Lassie (1998)' and The Wildly Irish Sextet (2008). In addition' he has published short stories in many literary magazines and written The Million Dollar Infield' a CBS Movie of the Week' starring Rob Reiner. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

More About the Author

Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio is a family therapist, health and wellness executive, and author who has been helping individuals, families, businesses, and community organizations achieve health and success for more than 25 years. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Certified Employee Assistance Professional (CEAP), and Senior Professional in Human Resources (SPHR).

Ken earned his B.A. in biopsychology at Cornell University and Master of Social Work (MSW) at Hunter College of the City University of New York. He completed a three year post-graduate program in family therapy at The Multicultural Family Institute, Highland Park, New Jersey, where he now serves on the board of directors. Ken also serves on the board of directors of the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence.

Ken has led monthly pet loss groups since 2002. He is a lifelong animal companion enthusiast, having shared his home with dogs, cats, chickens, rabbits, cockatiels, finches, chinchillas, guinea pigs, turtles, mice, one horse, and one rat. A special rat, indeed, Nero sat on Ken's shoulder eating peanuts while Ken studied late into the evenings at college.

Ken is the author of two previous books. Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women, & the Rewards of Intimate Justice, published in 2008, helps readers recognize misuse of power as the source of most relationship problems. Making Love, Playing Power provides step-by-step guidance that helps readers make mutual respect, fairness, and love the foundation of their intimate partnerships. Transformative Family Therapy: Just Families in a Just Society, a family therapy textbook written by Ken and two coauthors, was published in 2007. Ken has also authored several articles and book chapters.

Ken has spoken at corporations, universities, community centers,schools, and hospitals. He has made presentations at professional conferences across the United States and in Canada, including The Annual Psychotherapy Networker Symposium (Washington, DC), The Annual Culture Conference of The Multicultural Family Institute and Rutgers University (New Brunswick, NJ), The Annual Conference of the American Orthopsychiatric Association (Toronto, ON), and The Annual Conference of The American Family Therapy Academy (Vancouver, BC).Ken has been interviewed and quoted by Human Resource Executive, Smart Money, Fox Business News, Reuters, and other media.

As Vice President, Health and Wellness, at Prudential, Ken leads the team that delivers behavioral health services to employees and organizational leaders.
Ken is a father and husband who lives with his family in Palmer, Massachusetts, and Newark, New Jersey.

Customer Reviews

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I learned a lot and recommend the book highly.
W. Rotchford
This book goes straight to the heart of some of the major conflicts men and women have in intimate relationships and how to recognize these conflicts and address them.
Celinda English
If you have questions about relationships, or how to react to others in a fair way, this book will help you to find the way to your answer.
sterling mc a

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By T. D. Garrett on January 1, 2008
Format: Paperback
Excellent! A new kind of book--it shows how things in our society affect the intimacy of our personal lives, and vice versa. In straightforward language and by numerous examples, Dolan-Del Vecchio, gives men and women knowledge and tools for building relationships based on fairness and mutual respect. He draws a compelling connection between the things most men and women come to think of as normal--men should be dominant, aggressive, decisive, individualistic, and emotionally closed; women should expect these difficulties and try to help men become more completely human. And by unmasking "traditional" masculinity, he depicts the ways in which men often unwittingly derail their most important relationships (whether they want to admit it or not). Lest other societal concerns be ignored, thank the author! he includes writing about the epidemic of dating and domestic violence. (As you read these sections, you realize the obvious connections to the rules established by society, culture, etc.) The reader will see how the oppressive influence of patriarchy, racism, sexism, and homophobia show up in their daily lives, everywhere. If you don't know these words (I didn't), you should, you will because the book gives specific recommendations for individuals and couples on how to resist their influence. If you're perplexed over the scratch hardness of relationships, the seeming elusive how/what/why, or know someone who is, this book shows the way. Now, the message is out there!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By J. L. Oliver on May 18, 2008
Format: Paperback
This is a masterfully written book! It takes the elements of male power and demonstrates its use and mis-use by typical examples clearly written. I think of myself as someone who is aware of the power politics of relationships but was amazed at all I didn't know but was obvious after the author pointed them out.

After reading this book, I knew I had to make some changes in my life and my relationships. I can say unequivocally that this was one of the best books I have read in recent times.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who does not live alone on a desert island; or is in or wants to be in an equal and caring relationship!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By S. Cresci on January 7, 2008
Format: Paperback
Not just another self-help book with the expected psychobabble. This is an important book that in clear direct language discusses issues of relationship that are often just outside our sensibilities. It's an easy read with clear examples, suggestions and case stories. It has an audience for gay/straight, man/woman, rich/poor.....anyone who is in relationship with another human being. It is an important tool that I use in my private practice to facilitate discussion about topics often unexplored in the context of human dynamics. Mr. Dolan-Delvecchio is articulate, aware and courageous.
Dr. Shirley Cresci, NJ
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Anonymous on January 17, 2008
Format: Paperback
Seriously folks, this book should be given to every newly engaged couple. Why wait until there are relationship problems? I bought this book to help me understand why I bail - to help me understand men and, ok, myself. The author not only explains how power inequities and male privilege corrupts relationships but demonstrates ways of changing learned behavior. Even more importantly though, he illustrates this in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. I'm writing from a layman's point of view and all I can say is that I have been searching for inner peace, happiness, and a real relationship for 40+ years now. I feel this is the FIRST book that will truly guide me to this place of being.
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Format: Paperback
This book goes straight to the heart of some of the major conflicts men and women have in intimate relationships and how to recognize these conflicts and address them. I want so much for men and women to reject the old patterns of gender roles and stereotypes and strive for neutral, equitable and loving relationships. Mr. Dolan-Del Vecchio provides clear and simple evidence of these old gender power-plays and thought provoking alternatives for creating fair, compassionate and intimately just relationships. This book comes recommended by marital counseling professionals and is a must read for all persons who are in an intimate, long term relationship. I encourage all young people to read this for the invaluable tools it offers for a successful and equitable relationship.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I had never really grasped the role of power in relationships until I read this book. Previously I was of the common mindset that men perpetuated violence against women because they could, i.e. we are typically physically bigger and stronger than women and men are somehow given at least tacit permission to not be as emotionally mature as women. Therefore an all too prevalent vehicle for acting out uncomfortable emotions was through physicality at the expense of a woman. But as I delved into Ken Dolan-Delvecchio's book the central role and shifting sands of power in relationships made perfect sense to me and explained some of my own experiences in relationships. I recommend this book to any couple - straight, gay, married, living together, dating; the insights Ken offers are too important to be left unknown as we all strive to be better partners and human beings.
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